Amity Refugee
by lynn82md
Summary: Amity-born Gemma has her life transformed a week before the Choosing Ceremony. Becoming angered and vengeful by it, she joins Dauntless as a way to solve her new found problem.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** _This is takes place the year before Tris joins Dauntless. Keep in mind...I have only seen the movies and I know of one spoiler from the book. So, I'm writing from what I know from the movies. Not the books with the exception of one crucial detail._

I felt sweat bead on the back of my neck as I watched the deer grazing. I knelt behind a bush about a few feet from the deer. I heard a bird just above me only to see my boyfriend, Jonas, in the tree. He was very good at making bird noises. I couldn't make one to save my life.

I heard two more bird calls. One from a tree right across from the bush I hid behind, which is where my mother was. The other from the bush right cross from mine, which is where my father was. My brother, Sol, was right behind a tree to the left. There was another person hiding behind the tree to the right. It was Jonas' best friend, Adam.

The deer was completely surrounded by us. I put the arrow on the bow's string, and began to pull it back. The tip of the arrow had a sedative dart attached to it. It was designed to put the deer into a deep sleep that it wouldn't feel anything when the time came to slaughter it. I raised the arrow till the point was on the deer's side. Then, I shot the arrow.

It was a direct hit. The deer kicked and thrashed as the sting of the dart surged in it's side. However, the sedative dart acted quick as the deer surrendered to the effects of the dart within a minute.

"Good job, Gemma!" My dad said happily as he came out from behind the bush across from mine.

I heard a thud behind me as my boyfriend had come down from the tree. "That's my girl!" He said happily as he kissed my temple and put his arm around me.

"Nice shot, sis!" Sol added.

My mom came down from the other tree. "Alright, time for the hard part." She warned as she drew a hunter's knife. I knew what was coming. Even after two years, I couldn't stomach watching an animal get killed. It didn't matter if it was deeply sedated.

"Do you want to do it, Alana?" My dad asked my mother curiously.

"I can do it, Brandon." My mom said as she knelt down beside the unconscious deer. She held the knife to the deer's throat, and I looked away before she slit it. Unfortunately, I still heard the gurgle sound as blood filled the deer's mouth and a slight choking sound. Then, the deer was silent.

"I hate that part." I remarked as I turned around to see the deer dead. My dad picked up the deer where the head is while my brother picked up the part where the tail is.

"I know, sweet heart." My mom said sympathetically as she walked over to me and kissed my forehead. "However, it has to be done."

"It's not like the deer was aware of it." Jonas pointed out to me, squeezing my shoulder slightly.

"I know"

"Trust me, if it wasn't for these sedation darts...I wouldn't be able to kill the deer at all." My mom said as she put her head through the hole of the bow, so it rested on her back.

"I don't even think Johanna would allow us to hunt without them." My dad put in.

Johanna Reyes was a representative of our fraction, Amity. We don't have a leader for our faction as we vote on everything as a whole.

We started to hunt just two years ago when we had trouble keeping up with the meat supply because an epidemic had killed most of our livestock. My dad had come up with a way to protect the animals from this deadly virus since he had knowledge about fighting viruses since he was Erudite-born. So, we haven't had problems with our livestock dying since then. We did continue to hunt as a way of putting pressure off those that took care of the animals. We didn't hunt often. Probably once or twice a year

My mother was quite surprised that Johanna actually allowed Amity to have a small hunting party that consisted of my parents, my brother, my boyfriend, Adam, and I. Johanna wanted to keep our hunting party a secret from the other fractions because it would go against our rule of no violence. However, sometimes you need to do what you need to do to survive.

We put the dead deer in the back of the horse drawn cart. My mom and dad got into the seat to drive the cart while the four of us sat around the deer. My dad made some clicking noises to let the horse, Byron, know it was time to go. It took us a day to get back to the Amity compound. My dad, Sol, Jonas, and Adam took the deer to the building where we would skin and butcher the animals. It's a chore I had no part in. I sedate deer. Not kill, skin, and butcher them

I went with my mother to Adam's parents' house. They were watching my little sister, Daisy. She is eight-years-old.

"Mommy!" She squealed in delight as she ran into my mom's arms.

"How's my little girl doing?" My mom asked her curiously, giving my little sister a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm doing great, mom! I helped with weeding today."

"Good girl!"

Daisy ran to me, and gave me a big hug. "Hey Gemma!"

"Hey, Little One!" I hugged my sister back. "Did you behave for Adam's parents?"

She stuck out her chest. "Of course, I did! I'm a good girl."

"Did she behave?" My mom asked Adam's mom as a way to double check that my sister wasn't lying.

"Yes, she did." Adam's mom replied. "It's always a joy to watch Daisy. She is such a big help."

"I'm glad to hear it. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye ladies" Adam's mom said as she went back into the house.

We walked back to our house that we shared with a few other families. Jonas' family was one of them.

"So, are you looking forward to the aptitude test?" My mom asked me curiosity.

Ah, the test that would determine which fraction I should belong to based on my personality. Then, we had the Choosing Ceremony the day after our test to decide which fraction we would be a part of. We became full fledged members of society when we chose what fraction we wanted to be in. I took this test in a week from now. It shouldn't be hard for me. I know I want to be Amity. I was peaceful, kind, and happy.

"I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to it." I corrected my mom. "However, I'm not dreading it either."

"You'll do well." My mom assured me as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

When we got home, we got ready for bed. Mom and I were both wiped out from our hunting trip. Daisy was tired from helping Adam's parents out. It was midnight before my dad, brother, and Jonas joined us.

"Sorry we're late" Jonas whispered to me as he got into the bed next to mine.

"It's okay." I whispered back as I took his hand.

"We needed to shower after we butchered the deer."

"I don't blame you."

He chuckled. "Adam didn't shower though. I think he likes being covered in blood."

"Ew"

He chuckled again. "I know...Adam is weird."

"Maybe he will shower when he gets to his house."

"Maybe" Jonas yawned. "So, how are you feeling about the test next week?"

"It should be okay." I told him. "I already know which fraction I'm going to choose."

"This one?"

"Yep"

"It would be great." He said tiredly. "I don't know what I would do if you chose something else."

"I don't plan on choosing anything else."

"I'm happy to hear that." He said with a smile. He puckered his lips slightly, and I leaned over to him to kiss him. "Good night, love"

"Good night"

We fell asleep holding hands. We have been falling asleep this way for the last six months, even though we have been together for a year. We have talked about getting married shortly after I join Amity. Of course, things didn't end up going to plan.


	2. Chapter 2

Jonas invited me to take a swim with him at a water hole not far from Amity's compound four days before I took the test. It was a beautiful place. It was originally built for a foundation of a building that was going to go up some time before the war started two hundred years ago. It eventually filled up with rain water. My dad did have it checked to make sure it wasn't radioactive considering some bombs used were nuclear.

We left for the water hole after we were done helping cleaning up after dinner. We told our parents we were going for a walk. Little do they expect we had more planned than that. I don't think my parents would've approved of Jonas and I skinny dipping in the water hole. However, that's exactly what we were going to do. Followed up by some making out that could lead to something more.

Jonas was already eighteen-years-old. He was ready to give his virginity up to me. I'm sixteen, and I was also ready to give up my virginity. Sixteen was the age of consent in Chicago.

We got to the water hole and we began to strip immediately. It was hot out. I wanted to get into the water so badly. I waded in until the water was at chest level, and then I submerged myself. The water felt amazing. It wasn't too cold. It was slightly warm from the day's sun. I did a few laps while Jonas watched me from near the edge of the water hole.

"I love watching you swim" He remarked as he swum to me. "You look like a beautiful fish."

I swam to him. "I like to think of myself as a water goddess."

He chuckled. "Alright, you look like a beautiful water goddess." He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a kiss.

"You look like a handsome water god." I murmured against his lips before he kissed me again.

He deepened the kiss. He pulled me to the edge of the pool, and lightly pushed me against the edge of. He mounted me. His hands ran and up down my body. My breath caught in my throat.

"Are you ready?" He whispered against my throat.

"For what?"

I gasped when I felt his hardness pressing against my stomach.

"I don't-know." I stammered. His lips were on my earlobes, gently suckling them.

"Can I tell you why I want you right now?"

"Uh huh"

"I'm afraid we won't get another chance."

That gave me pause. I put my hands on his shoulders, and I slightly pushed him up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I feel like this is our only chance of doing this." He replied, his voice a bit gruff as he was fully turned on.

I sat up, and he let me because I wanted to be sitting up rather than on my back while I had this conversation with him.

"Why do you think this will be our only chance?"

He got up out of the water, and he began to pace around. The moon gave his amazing naked body a glow to it. Despite his god-like appearance, I knew he was worried by the way he was pacing a hole into the ground.

"I get the feeling that we won't be together after the Choosing Ceremony." He confessed, sounding very nervous.

"Why? Are you having one of these feelings again?" I asked curiously. He nodded.

While supernatural phenomena seems to be dead these days, I was under the belief that it still existed. One thing that I believe in was that my boyfriend had a sixth sense. He knew about things before they happened.

"What brought it on?"

He sighed before he sat at the edge of the pool again. "I had a dream last night that something will happen, which will cause you to leave Amity."

"What happened exactly?"

"That part wasn't clear to me. The part where you leave Amity because of it was."

"Nothing is going to happen." I assured him.

"How can you be sure?" He asked me with concern.

"I don't know." I replied with a shrug. "I don't know what the hell could happen in Amity that would cause me to leave it."

"I hope nothing really happens."

"Me too, love" I said, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

He cupped my face with his hands. "Just in case something does..." He began to kiss me hard.

He pulled me onto the edge of the water hole, and pushed me against the soft mud of the bank. He mounted me once more.

"Do you want this?" He asked as he dragged his hardness against the inside of my thigh. I sucked in a breath.

If something did happen that caused me to leave Amity, so be it. Right now, my mind was in the present. The present included my achingly handsome boyfriend on top of me asking me if I was ready to lose my virginity to him. He wanted me. I wanted him.

"Yes" I whimpered, my euphoria that stretched the skyline.

On the muddy shores of the water hole under the light of the moon, Jonas and I became one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note** : _While it's not graphic, **there is a trigger warning for sexual assault.**_

There was only two days left now before I took the test. I was in the stable taking care of Byron. I just finished with the unpleasant task of cleaning out his stall. However, the job went by very quick since my mind was on the night that Jonas and I made love. We probably had guilty expressions on our faces when we returned home that night. Luckily, no one was awake as everyone had gone to bed. My mom woke up very briefly to make sure I was home before she went back to sleep. Jonas and I pulled our beds together, so we can be closer to each other while we slept. Our parents noticed this when we woke up the next morning. They didn't say anything to us, but they had this look on their faces that said "What did you two do?"

I felt like I have had a bounce in my step and a glow to me since that night. Whenever I see Jonas, I blushed and smile like a complete idiot. However, I had fallen more in love with him since we made love.

While my mom suspected, Adam had known. Only because Jonas told him since they're best friends.

"How was it?" Adam asked me yesterday.

"How was what?"

"Never mind" He chuckled. "I guess it wasn't that good."

"What the flying hell are you talking about?" I asked, getting angry.

"I heard you two hooked up."

"Yes, we did."

"So, how was it?"

"It was amazing. I have craved him ever since that night."

"Interesting" He remarked before he left me alone, so I can tend to the crops.

Honestly, I didn't like Adam. He has been hitting on me and making sexual innuendos since I was fifteen when Jonas and I began dating. I never wanted to be alone around him because he made my creep factor go off the charts. However, I kept my feelings about him quiet because of his friendship with Jonas. Today I was reminded why it was a good idea not to be left alone with him.

I had began to give the horse some food and water. I was about to head to the hose to fill up Byron's water bucket when Adam appeared from a vacant horse stall.

"You scared me!" I exclaimed at Adam.

"I'm sorry, but I need your help in the attic."

"Alright" I said as I put the water bucket down. I climbed up the ladder leading to the attic, and Adam followed me. "What do you need help with?" I asked him when he was on the landing.

"This" He said as he pulled me over to him and started kissing me roughly. I pushed at his chest to get away from him. However, his hold on me was like steel. So, there was one last thing I could do to get away from him. I kneed him. Hard

I ran away from him. I heard him shout, "We can do this the hard way or the easy way!" I didn't personally want it either way.

I didn't get far before I felt a sting in my upper back towards the shoulder blades. I reached around, and found the dart. The very same dart we use on animals just before we kill them.

As suspected, the sedative worked very quick. A warm feeling flooded me, and I felt very sleepy. I felt Adam wrap his arms around me, and picked me up as if I was a child. Well, I was four foot eleven so I was about the size of some children. He carried me to this haystack where there was a blanket draped over it with a pillow. Son of a bitch! He had planned this! He lowered me onto the blanket covered haystack.

"I'm going to enjoy this." He said gruffly as he leered at me. He mounted me and thrust his legs between mine. I whimpered as he grabbed my wrists and pinned them on each side of my head. He began to alternate between kissing my neck and my lips. I tried to struggle, but I felt weak from the sedative. Luckily, darkness enveloped me just as I heard the sound of a zipper.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note** : _While it's not graphic, **there is a trigger warning for sexual assault.**_

I slowly swam to consciousness. I had a weird metallic taste in my mouth and my throat felt dry. Sweat beaded on my forehead and the back of my neck. I felt like I was breathing in cement as it was humid as hell up in the attic. Then, I wondered what the hell I was doing up in the attic. It was dark up here save for the light coming from the open hatched where the ladder to downstairs stood.

As I began to wake up more, I became more aware of my surroundings. I was lying on a blanket, which was set up on what I think is a bail of hay. My head rested on a pillow. My arms felt sore as they rested on either end of my head as they have been there for a while. I felt very wet between my legs like I had an orgasm.

Suddenly, the last memory I had before I became unconscious hit me like a horse kick. I had come up to the attic to help Adam with something. It turns out that he wanted more than just my help. He wanted to take advantage of me. When I resisted him, he stuck me with a dart and ra-...

I squeezed my eyes shut as if what happened to me would magically go away. I didn't want to finish the thought. I didn't want to admit at what had just happened to me. Maybe it didn't actually happened, and I'm just jumping to conclusions.

 _Oh, come on Gem. You feel the same way down south as you did after you had sex with Jonas_. My rational side pointed out.

"No, it didn't happen." I said out loud in complete denial.

"Who are you talking to?" A familiar male voice asked me with amusement. I jumped out of my skin. I sat up quickly as I can only to discover that while my top was still on, my pants and underwear weren't. To my horror, Adam stood across the attic. He was fixing his belt and adjusting his shirt.

"What the fuck did you do to me!" I cried, covering the lower half of my body as quickly as I can. I know it was futile since he has already seen me. However, it wasn't with my consent.

"What do you think I did?" He countered, still amused.

"You ra-...you ra-" I stammered. I still couldn't say the word. It was like my brain refused to accept that Jonas' best friend just raped me.

"I raped you?" He finished for me. "Of course, I did." I don't know what shocked me more. The fact that he admitted what he did to me without denying it. Or he said it so casually like raping me wasn't a big deal.

"Why?" I asked in horror.

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Answer me!" I shouted at him.

"I just did." He countered. "You just didn't like the answer. Not my fault you don't like the answer."

"You owe me an explanation!"

"Um...because I can? And I did?"

"What would possess someone to rape their best friend's girlfriend?" I asked him boldly. "That is what I want to know."

"Like I said Gem" He stalked towards me. "Because. I. Can" He smiled at me. It was a predatory smile. "And I did."

For the first time ever, I felt anger that I have never felt before. When we eat in Amity, we normally have a piece of bread that has a Peace serum in it. It basically calms us down from having any violent thoughts or anger towards someone else. Obviously, I was over due on eating that bread since my last meal was dinner the previous night. However, after what happened, I don't think I will ever eat that bread again.

"How the hell do you think Jonas will react to this?" I asked him curiously.

"He won't."

"Um, I beg to differ."

"He won't ever find out."

"Why not?"

He stalked towards me once again. He pushed me roughly back down on the bale of hay and mounted me. He wrapped his hands around my wrists and held them beside my legs. Oh, hell bells! Was he going to rape me again? A part of my mind pointed out he had clothes on. However, that didn't mean anything to me any more.

"If you tell anyone what I did to you, you can kiss Jonas and your family good bye."

"What do you mean by that?"

He smiled again, and this time I felt like I was staring into the face of someone that was truly evil. "What do you think I mean by that? If you tell anyone anywhere of what I did to you, I will kill your boyfriend and your family. I will kill them in their damn sleep." He put his face near mine so I was forced to look into his dark, stormy eyes. "So, if I was you, I would keep my little mouth shut."

He pressed his lips against mine, and thrust his tongue into my mouth. I gagged on his tongue, and tried to kick out from beneath him since my legs were free. However, I squealed when he squeezed my wrists real hard.

"Nope" He said softly, though there was steel in his voice. "No trying to kick me, Gemma. That's not a way a girl from Amity should behave."

"Oh, and it's acceptable for a boy from Amity to raped a girl from his own fraction?" I challenged him.

He pushed off of me. "It isn't, but I'm not from Amity originally. So, it doesn't matter."

"It does matter. You chose the fraction that believes in peace and non-violence."

"No, I chose a fraction that had sheep in it. Women that don't have the will to fight back because it goes against their morals as Amity. You see, it would be hard to take advantage of women if I was in Dauntless. They would kick my ass." He reached out and ran his fingers along my cheek. I turned my head away from him. "I did consider joining Abnegation too. However, I didn't want to be a part of those stiffs."

"You're unbelievable." I said incredulously.

He bowed. "Thank you, my dear"

"That wasn't a compliment." I pointed out to him.

"That's nice. I will take it as one anyway." He said as he walked to the hatch. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have lunch to get. That work out made me hungry." Then, he went down the ladder to go downstairs into the stable area. I was so shocked at what he told me that I didn't move for a few minutes.

The humidity of the attic finally drove me to move. I put on my pants and went down the ladder. I noticed as I was going down the ladder that I felt a stinging sensation deep inside me that I didn't have when I lost my virginity to Jonas. It hurt a bit. However, I was too scared to go the doctor's. I was too afraid the doctor will find out I had been raped and would want to contact Dauntless to report it.

As I made my way to the cafeteria, I began to question if I was going to choose Amity now. I didn't feel safe in my own fraction any more with someone like Adam running around. I don't know if he was only going to rape me this one time, or assault me again in the future. I wondered how many other victims he had in this fraction. I didn't want to think about it. If I did, I would become extremely depressed that this shit was happening in a fraction such as Amity. Adam was truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note** : _While it's not graphic, **there is a trigger warning for sexual assault.**_

I tried to act like everything was fine for the next two days. Jonas was immediately worried the moment he saw me when I joined him and my family for lunch. I guess I wasn't good at hiding my emotions or his scary sixth sense ability could pick up that I wasn't fine. I was thankful he didn't question me about it when we ate lunch, although my mom asked me if I was feeling okay. I just told her that I was beginning to get nervous about the test and the Choosing Ceremony. I was amazed that my parents brought that line. Jonas didn't though.

He asked me when we were alone later on. "What's wrong?"

I gave him the same answer as I did to my mom earlier.

"I doubt that."

"Why?"

"You know what you already want. Ninety-five percent of people end up choosing the fraction they were born into any way."

"My mom and dad aren't among those ninety-five percent." I pointed out. "My mom was originally from Dauntless and Dad had been Erudite. Even Adam was a part of Dauntless"

"Well, your brother and I are a part of that ninety-five percent statistic."

"I'm just saying...I could change my mind."

"Why would you change your mind?"

"I don't know. A change of heart?"

"What could cause you to change your mind?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I would suddenly think Dauntless is more free than Amity. They allow you to be pissed."

"Amity doesn't look down on someone for being angry at someone else." Jonas pointed out. "They just want you to make peace with that person using non-violent methods. That's all. Who are you pissed at?"

"Adam" I admitted.

"Why are you mad at Adam?"

"He has been hitting on me since you and I began dating." I told him. It was the partial truth.

"How come you didn't say anything before?"

"I know you care about him a lot." I replied as I sat down beside him and held his hand. "I didn't want to get in the way of your friendship with him."

He cupped my face. "That is sweet of you. However, I wish you would've told me that. I will talk to him. Okay?"

"Okay" I said, offering him a smile. It felt kind of forced because I know the talk won't prevent Adam from going after me again. He sure as hell isn't afraid of Jonas.

Jonas kissed me again. "You know...since we're alone, I was thinking we could..."

Oh, no. This was bad timing! Here was my extremely handsome boyfriend asking me to have sex with him, and I had just been raped a few hours ago. I was extremely sore till the point where I had trouble walking sometimes. Of course, I had lied and said I pulled a muscle from sitting in one position too long while tending to the crops.

I still went ahead and had sex with my boyfriend despite the pain from the rape. I was lucky that I wasn't conscious during it. So, my mind wasn't subjected to remember how it felt with Adam invaded me and what he looked like while he did it. Maybe having sex with Jonas would help erase the memories I had before and after I was raped.

The sex didn't help the memories go away. The pain increased. So much so that Jonas stopped what he was doing because he noticed how much pain I was in.

"There is no pleasure in it for me if you're not having a good time." He told me as put on his pants. "I want you to enjoy it as much as I do." I apologized to him because I felt guilty that we stopped since I was in pain. He assured me there was no reason to.

The next day was a blur. I worked on the crops while my mind was on the test the following day. I wondered if what has happened would influence the results. You know...depending on what your mood was. Or was mood completely factored out of it? There was only one way to find out.

Finally, the day arrived for me to take the aptitude test. Jonas went with me, although he wouldn't go inside. He just wanted to stand outside with me while we waited to be let in.

"Are you nervous?" He asked me curiously while we stood with the other sixteen-year-old members from Amity.

"Yes" I admitted.

"You'll do fine, babe." He assured me as he gave me a hug and kissed my temple. "Just trust the test."

He held me like this as we heard commotion coming from the train tracks. We watched the sixteen-year-old members of Dauntless jump off the train and run to their door with the symbol of fire above it.

"They're crazy." He remarked as he shook his head. Yep, jumping off trains would fall under the crazy category. Dauntless did a lot of crazy things between climbing buildings and getting on the train while it moved.

All five doors opened at the same time and we all began to file in. I gave Jonas a hug before I walked in with the rest of my fraction. I entered a lecture hall where all of us took a seat. The fractions stayed near to one another like I stayed close with Amity.

A woman from Erudite lectures us about how our fractions were founded almost a hundred-years-old to keep the peace in our society, how the best way to chose the right fraction is to go with whatever result the test gives you, and you're free to make whatever choice you want between the five fractions despite test results at the Choosing Ceremony. She cautioned us that once we made our choice about what fraction we wanted, there would be no way of going back. Another words, think hard or you will screw yourself over if you make the wrong choice.

My mind wandered while I waited to be called up. My mind flipped flopped between thinking about Adam raping me two days ago to how the test was going to go. I was finally called up after a half hour. I went along with four other people. One was a girl from Abnegation. There was a boy and girl each from Erudite. There was a boy from Dauntless. We each stood in front of a door. The door slide open, and we made our way inside.

I opened another door, and I went into a room that had a recliner medical chair with something that had a pack of sensors on each side of your head. There was a huge mirror to the left. There was a woman dressed in black that was from Dauntless. Her hair was a bit in dread locks and it was black. She had tattoos on her forearms and on the back of her neck.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I won't lie. I'm vain. My shoulder length auburn hair was down and brushed out. It was shiny and the lights gave it a brown reddish hue. My eyes were blue as a stormy sky. I wore my dark green pants with a see through dark green short-sleeve shirt that had a orange tank top beneath it. I had my brown leather boots on.

"Are you ready?" The woman asked me, sounding a bit impatient.

I mentally shook myself, and went to the chair. "Yes"

"My name is Tori and I will be administrating your test. You will be given a series of simulations until you get one result. About ninety-five percent get the fraction they were born in, so I wouldn't sweat it."

I nodded. She handed me a small glass with a blueish liquid in it. "What is it?" I asked her curiously.

"Drink it"

"Alrighty then" I said as I took a very small sip of the blue liquid. It had a minty taste to it, and I drank it all up in one gulp.

The damn thing worked immediately as I blinked once and I found that the test administrator wasn't next to me any more. Or her computer. I just saw a reflection of me in the mirror. Oh, this is going to be interesting. Do they have any idea how long I can watch myself in the mirror?

I sat up and went to the mirror. I looked down and I saw a lot of mes. I looked the other way and saw the same thing. Then, there was so many copies of me that I began to feel a bit disoriented. A little dizzy and weak

I noticed there was a me that hadn't turned around when it should've. I touched it's shoulder, and I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned around and it was another me.

"Choose" She said to me in my voice.

Oh, my God! What the hell is in this serum? I felt a bit freaked out at hearing myself talk to me and feeling myself touch me. My dad had once told us on a hunting trip that he learned about something called the 70s while he was in Erudite. They did a bunch of crazy drugs where some people had hallucinations. I began to wonder if Erudite took some tips from that time frame.

While it seemed that freaking out took long, it only took a second. I looked between two bowls where one had a big fat piece of meat and the other had a knife. I chose the meat. I looked back and found that I wasn't there any more. Then, I heard a dog bark. I turned around and there was a big fluffy German shepherd standing there. It was baring it's white canine teeth. I tossed the meat to it, and it happily dug in. When he (or she...I don't know what the gender of the dog was) was done eating the meat, the dog came up to me and licked my hand.

"Doggy!" I heard a young female voice squeal in delight. I turned around expecting to see my little sister Daisy. Instead, it was this nine or ten-year-old girl from Abnegation. Then, I heard the dog start growling right behind me. It fixated it's eyes on the little girl.

"Shh!" I reprimanded the dog. "What has that young girl ever do to you?" The dog didn't listen to me. Instead, the bastard began to chase the listen girl. Oh, hell no! I'm not having that. I chased after the dog and wrapped my arms around it. As I fell with the dog, the floor swallowed me up.

I woke up gagging. Tori handed me a bag, and I threw up in it. My cheeks turned a bright red as I hurled into the bag again.

"I'm sorry." I said apologetically.

"It's okay." She said dryly. "The serum makes some people sick."

"Do you know where I can dump this?" I asked her, indicating the bag filled with vomit.

She handed me a waste bin, and I threw the bag in there. She put the waste bin down and continued to look at the computer.

"Alright...let me verify that your name is Gemma Mason, right?"

"Correct"

"Gemma, you received an Amity result."

"Not surprised" I said in a dry tone.

"However, I think it's important that I mention you got a Dauntless result too."

Now, that caught me off guard.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note** : _While it's not graphic, **there is a trigger warning for sexual assault.**_

"I got more than one result?" I asked nervously. Usually when you get more than one result, it implies that you are Divergent.

"Yes" Tori replied as I stood up.

"Does that make me a Divergent?"

"No"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Divergents usually have more than two results and the scores are close together." Tori explained impatiently as if I should know already what constitutes as a Divergent. "While you have two scores, you scored eighty percent on Amity and twenty on Dauntless."

"Oh, okay" I said, feeling a bit assured.

"However, you are not far from the line of being a Divergent." Tori told me. "So, I still wouldn't tell any one else that you had another result other than Amity. People still get weird if there is more than one result."

"My lips are sealed." I said as I began to make my way to the door.

"Gemma!" Tori called out after me.

I turned and looked at her. "What?"

"I just want to let you know that I'm putting Amity in as your result."

"Alright" I said indifferently, and walked out of there. I joined Jonas outside.

"Hey, baby" He said with a smile as he gave me a hug and a kiss. "How did it go?"

"I got sick." I replied, my cheeks turning red once again.

"I'm sorry to hear the serum made you sick." He said sympathetically as he draped an arm around my shoulders as we walked.

"I'm sorry too. I hate throwing up in front of people I don't know."

He kissed my temple. "Well, it's all over now."

"With the exception of the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow" I reminded him.

"Well, I meant with the test."

"Aye, yes!"

When we got back to Amity, we had dinner. Then, just my and Jonas' family had a big bonfire. The adults were trading stories from when they did the test and Choosing Ceremony. I was thankful that Adam wasn't there.

"I had to have someone help me cut my hand." Jonas' mom remarked. "It was so embarrassing, but I couldn't do it!"

"At least you didn't throw up in front of everyone like I did, mom" Jonas' twenty-year-old sister said dryly.

Jonas laughed hard beside me. "That was hilarious! It took all my power not to laugh out loud in the auditorium. Dad kept giving me dark looks as I snickered."

"You wouldn't be laughing if it happened to you!" Jonas' sister said defensively.

"Luckily, it didn't." He said smugly.

"There was a boy that passed out during my Choosing Ceremony." Sol put in. "It was a bit creepy. It took them a few minutes to get him up."

"What fraction did he ended up going with?" Jonas asked curiously.

"Erudite"

Unfortunately for my family and friends, I didn't follow much of the conversation. My mind was still reeling that I got a Dauntless score. Maybe I got a Dauntless score because of my hunting background in Amity. That, or what happened recently has changed me a little bit that the test took notice of it. However, there was one thing I wanted to know. Just in case

"Mom, why did you join Amity from Dauntless?" I asked her curiously.

"It was simple." My mom replied. "I didn't want to kill anyone. I couldn't find it within me to be able to do that. So, I joined Amity."

"What about you, Dad?"

"I liked how Amity preached kindness. I felt Erudite was a bit too hoitey toitey for me. They really do act like they are above everyone else because they know so much." My dad replied.

Then, my dad and Jonas' dad began to talk about their days in Erudite since both of them originated from there. My mind wandered again. I have no idea which fraction I was going to choose now. Before I was raped by Adam, it was Amity...no doubt. Now, I wasn't sure.

The rape didn't exactly leave me with any peace from within. Instead, I felt disgusted and violated. I felt enraged at what happened and how Adam threatened to kill my family if I told anyone. There was a dark part I didn't know I had before that actually wanted to kill him for what he has done to me.

It was around ten p.m when my dad and brother extinguished the bonfire. Jonas and I sneaked off into the night after everyone went to bed. We went to this meadow that we had dates at in the beginning of our relationship. There was a blanket on the ground with two pillows. There were two glasses of wine. Jonas lead me onto the blanket, and we laid beside each other. The stars were all out tonight and they were clear.

"This is so beautiful." I remarked.

"Just like you, sweet heart" Jonas said softly before he pressed his lips against mine. We kissed for a little bit while our hands ran over each other.

"How are you feeling down there?" He asked me curiously.

I wiggled a little bit to get a feel of how I was. There was still a stinging sensation, but it wasn't as strong as it was two days ago. "I feel better."

He smiled at me. "I'm glad to hear about it." He deepened the kiss and his fingers traveled to the v shape between my legs. I gasped as his fingers found my sweet spot. His mouth captured my hushed gasps and whimpers. He made me nice and wet for him in a matter of seconds. He mounted me and pushed my legs a part with his. Then, under the stars, he made love to me. When we were finished, we spooned each other under an extra blanket he had brought. The cool breeze fanned our burning skin from the heat of the night and the sweat our love making produced. As I lay beside him with my hand on his chest and his arm around me, I couldn't help but feel that this may be the last night we made love for a while. Possibly ever


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note** : _While it's not graphic, **there is a trigger warning for sexual assault.**_

I woke up dreading today. It didn't matter that I had amazing sex last night with Jonas. It didn't matter that I woke up with Jonas hand entwined with mine. It didn't matter that I was surrounded by my loving family.

Today I chose what fraction I will be a part of for the rest of my life. Over a week ago, I wouldn't have been sweating this. Today? It's bothering me. A traumatic event from two days ago has altered my plans of what I was going to do. A traumatic event has altered who I was. It has made me feel like I don't belong in the fraction that I was born and raised in. And it angered me severely

I decided I would wear a dress again today. If I went with my back up plan at the Choosing Ceremony, it would be the last time I wore a dress. I went with another dark green dress. It was short sleeve and it only went to my knees. I put on a light orange sweater over it. I would wear my usual brown leather boots.

I let my mom brush out my hair. I wanted my hair down today rather than up. My sister did my make up because she wanted to do something for me. She was sweet, but my mom redid it because I looked like a clown. I received a chorus of "Oohs" when I emerged from the bath room. Jonas whistled in approval.

"If Nature had a human form, you would be it sweet heart." He said smiling, giving me a hug and a peck on the lips.

"Thank you, love" I said, kissing him back.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Gem." My dad said, kissing my forehead. "You're the spinning image of your mother."

I blushed. "Thank you, dad" I hugged him hard.

"What a charmer." My mom remarked about my father. "You do look gorgeous, sweetie."

"I helped with the make up!" My sister announced.

"Yes, you did!" I said, scooping her up and holding her. I gave her a hug. "Thank you and mom for helping me get ready."

My mom hugged me. "We were happy to help."

"I'm reluctant to admit it, but you look amazing sis." Sol said to me.

"Thank you, bro" I said, giving him a hug.

"Are we ready?" My dad asked us curiously. There was a chorus of "yes" as a response. While I had say "yes" too, I was very tempted to say no. You see...if I went with my back up plan, today would be the very last time I was with my family and Jonas. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?" My mom asked me with concern.

"Nothing, I'm just nervous."

"It's okay, baby." She said, giving me a huge hug. "Just relax"

"Your mother and I will love you regardless what you do." My dad reassured me.

"Me too!" My sister added

"I can't guarantee you the same thing." Sol remarked. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"Sol!" My mom protested.

My brother blinked. "Mother, you know I'm kidding"

"Yes, because it was that apparent you were kidding." I said sarcastically.

"Of course, I will always love my sister."

"I will always love you too." Jonas put in.

"Alright...let's do this." My dad said as we left the house. I looked back and mentally said good bye just in case.

We eventually made our way to the ceremony. There was a table on stage with five bowls that represented the five fractions. Dauntless had burning coals. Abnegation had small round stones. Erudite had water. Amity had soil. Candor had glass. We walked to where the Amity fraction sat, which was next to the Abnegation fraction. I sat between Jonas and my father with my dad sitting next to the aisle. My mom sat next to Jonas. My sister sat between my mom and Sol.

Johanna, walked past us. "How are you all doing today?"

"We're doing fine today, Johanna." My dad said.

"You're choosing today, aren't you Gemma?" Johanna asked me.

"Yes"

"How are you feeling?"

"Extremely nervous"

Johanna chuckled. "I recall feeling the same way." She reached out to me. I took her hand. "Just follow your heart, child."

"I will."

She squeezed my hand gently before walking away.

Everyone took their seats soon in the fraction they belong to.

Johanna stood up and went up to the stage. It was Amity's turn to host the Choosing Ceremony. "When you all make your decision today, do it from the heart. Don't do it because of what your parents want. Don't do it because of what the test results say. Do it because you honestly believe you belong to that fraction. The future is yours to take. May you go with light"

The room applauded as she took her seat in the front row of Amity while Marcus Eaton took the stage. He was our leader and the leader of Abnegation.

"When we leave this room, you will no longer be dependents but full fledged members of society." He said. "Fraction before blood"

"Fraction before blood" Everyone in the room repeated in an unanimous chorus.

Marcus read the names on a list. I didn't pay attention while each person went up to choose their new fraction. The applause and the cheers were silent as my mind pondered what the hell I was going to do. My hand grasped Jonas' really hard.

"I love you." I whispered. "No matter what happens"

As if on cue..."Gemma Mason" Marcus called out my name.

My breath caught in my throat. Oh, hell! What the hell was I going to do? Maybe if I pass out, I can put off choosing a fraction for another year. Ha! That was wishful thinking. Sol's story from the night before about the guy fainting during his Choosing Ceremony rang in my ears as that poor soul still had to choose a fraction after he fainted.

On shaky legs, I stood up. I gave Jonas a big hug. I hugged him as I have never hugged him before. I made sure it counted just in case I went with Plan B. I felt my mom squeeze my shoulder, and I touched her hand gently as I made my way to the aisle. My dad gave me another hug. I walked down the stairs slowly, afraid I would fall since it seemed my legs wouldn't stop shaking.

I made my way up the stairs to the stage, and got on. I glanced at Johanna, who gave me a nod. I took a deep breath as I walked to the five bowls in the center of the stage. A knife lay on a piece of white cloth. Oh shit, I forgot I had to cut myself.

I took another deep breath. I picked up the knife. I closed my eyes, and slit the side line on my palm. I sucked in a breath as pain hit me. However, gritting my teeth, I carried on. Now, what do I choose? I began to move my hand towards Amity.

However, I stopped myself and I thought as quickly as I could before the drop of blood would fall. After all, I didn't want to accidentally choose a fraction like Candor or Erudite.

I had wanted to choose Amity originally. Despite what happened, Amity was my test result. I was kind. I was peaceful...for the most part. I didn't like violence, except when hunting apparently. I was forgiv-. I stopped myself there. I wasn't forgiving. If I was forgiving, I would've forgiven Adam for what he did and I just can't do that. If that wasn't bad enough, I couldn't stomach returning to a fraction where I run the risk of being assaulted more by Adam. It made me feel sick thinking about it.

On the other hand...if I would join Dauntless, I would learn ways on how to defend myself. On how I could defend others like my little sister, my mother, Jonas' mother, and Jonas' sister. I could learn how to kill because if I killed Adam, I wouldn't have to worry about the asshole killing my family and Jonas.

Vengeance and the need to protect my family won out over peace and forgiveness. I put my hand over the bowl that had the hot coals in it. My blood dropped into it and it sizzled when it came into contact with the coals.

Marcus announced, "Dauntless"


	8. Chapter 8

The Dauntless fraction applauded and cheered that I had chosen their fraction. Underneath the applause, I could hear a lot of gasps and people saying "Oh, my God". I had passed the fractions of Erudite and Candor on my way to where Dauntless sat. A lot of people looked extremely surprised. I now wished I paid attention while the other names were being called out, so I could've seen how other people reacted. I knew deep down that their reactions to the others didn't mirror mine. Even if my mind was contemplating what I was going to do before I was called up, I didn't hear anyone be shocked at the choice someone made. Sure, the fraction someone just left to be with another was one thing. It was another when people from the other fractions were surprised I made the choice that I did when they weren't part of my fraction or my new fraction.

I felt my cheeks go red as I noticed that people seemed to be scrutinizing me. It made me wonder how often someone from Amity joined a fraction like Dauntless. I did see some of the Dauntless members look at me like I just lost my mind. However, many of them were smiling at me. A Dauntless born woman of about thirty got up and gave me a hug. She offered me her seat. A few more of them patted me on the shoulder after I sat down. I put a band aid on the cut after I did so.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur for me. All I was focused on was the slight pain in my head from the cut and my family over in Amity. My little sister was quietly crying while my mom comforted her. She had tears in her eyes too. My brother looked shell shocked. My dad had a grim expression on his face like he couldn't believe I chose Dauntless. Jonas looked like he got his heart ripped out. The look on his face was so pained.

Of course, I didn't stare at my family. I didn't want the Dauntless members to think that I regretted my decision because I didn't. The only thing that was going to hurt was being away from my family. However, I was relieved I wouldn't have to go back to the faction where my attacker was. The wolf in sheep's clothing

Before I knew it, the ceremony was over. It was time to leave. It was interesting to me that I arrived here being in Amity, but leaving with Dauntless. I looked at where my family and Jonas sat in Dauntless one last time. It was painful to look at them. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I used the sleeve of my sweater to wipe the tears away. They had to see that this hurt me too.

The Dauntless members ran down the stairs and burst through the doors of the building happily. We all began to run. It wasn't hard for me. There were times where my family and I had to run while we were out hunting. For example, when one of us failed to hit the target and the deer would take off. We would run to try to keep up with it. My mom, Sol, and I had been the only ones that were able to shoot an arrow while running. Sol and mom were much better at it than I was where I was better at shooting arrows at animals when they were stationary.

We ran to pillars of an over pass where train tracks stood on. The Dauntless members began to climb those pillars to get to the top. It was a bit daunting (heh, excuse the pun) but I managed. I have climb trees before when I have hunted. I finally made it up top. I carefully walked from the edge to the platform next to the track. Everyone stood around on the platform and talked among themselves. I remained quiet as I don't talk well with people I just met. I was incredibly shy. Jonas said it made me look quite innocent.

I heard the sound of a train approaching. All the members of Dauntless began to run as the train approached. Was the damn thing going to stop? The answer was "no" as it passed me. I began running too. A few of the Dauntless born were able to get on the train and open the doors before they got it. Then, other people began to get on. Ironically, it wasn't hard for me to keep up running with the train. I saw it as a big deer that I was trying to keep up with. I grabbed a handle, got on, and swung myself inside. A few seconds later, I saw that the platform had ended abruptly. I would've hate to fall down off that. The drop was high off the ground.

I sat on the floor of the train while I caught my brother. Another girl, who had originally been from Candor, sat on the ground next to me. She was also trying to catch her breath.

"I'm glad to see you make it." She told me. "I'm Amy."

"Gemma"

"I think they are trying to kill us." She said as she was trying to catch her breath.

"You might be onto something there." I agreed with her. I wasn't panting any more. I had caught my breath.

We rode in silence as the train took us farther away. Then, a middle age man said "Get ready"

Amy and I stood up. I looked outside the open door of the train. We passed by a few buildings. One that looked like it used to be a gigantic green house two hundred years ago. Then, there was more train tracks on the ground next to it. I looked out further and saw people beginning to jump from the train to the roof of the building coming up.

"They are jumping." I told Amy, horrified.

"Excuse me?" She asked in disbelief. She joined me to see what I was seeing. It was pure craziness.

"I wonder what would happen if we don't jump." I remarked.

"You would become fractionless." A guy, who also was from Candor, replied. "Good luck ladies" He said smugly before he took a running start and jumped off the plane.

"Let's do this!" Amy said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the door on the other side on the train. "We'll jump together on three."

"One" I counted.

"Two" She counted.

"Three" We both said as we ran across the train and jumped out of the door. We flew through the air like we were birds. I didn't bother trying to look down while I jumped because I would hit the side of the building with my luck. It probably wouldn't feel so good to do it. I focused ahead of me as I flew through the air. While we flew like birds, we landed like rocks. Onto small rocks

It hurt like a bitch, but we didn't care. We were thankful that we didn't die doing this. We laughed because it was such a rush. While my mind and body survived in tack of the jump, my clothes weren't so lucky. I had a few tears in the sleeves of my sweater.

"Listen up!" A male voice called out.

Everyone was gathering on the other side of the roof. Amy and I joined them. I moved a little closer in the crowd since I seem to be the shortest among all the new initiates of Dauntless. I settled in a space that I can see the man and a few other people that stood beside him.

"My name is Eric. I'm one of your leaders." The man said. "In order to get into Dauntless, you have to jump. If you can't jump, you don't belong in Dauntless."

"What is at the bottom?" A girl from Erudite asked curiously.

"I guess you'll just have to find out." Eric said dryly. "Well, who's going to first?"

There was silence. Not even none of the Dauntless born was willing to jump. Honestly, I wanted to get it over with. If there is something at the bottom, I'll survive and learn I can do something I didn't know I could do before. If not, at least I'm escaping from my newly Hellish life.

"I'll go." I said. The people that were standing behind me turned around at the sound of my voice and had an expression of shock on their faces. The Dauntless leaders looked just as surprised, especially Eric.

I walked to the wall that divided me and my destination. Unfortunately for me, the damn ledge was half my size thanks to my damn height. I sighed in annoyance, and took my sweater off.

"Yes, Amity! Take it off!" A guy from Candor heckled.

I hate to say it, but I flicked the asshole off. It warranted some snickers from the others.

"I guess I can understand why she is not in Amity any more." I heard Eric remarked to one of the other Dauntless leaders. The other Dauntless leader chuckled.

"Do you need a boost?" A Dauntless born girl asked curiously, though it sounded like she was joking. That warranted a lot of laughter. Bitch

"No, thanks" I countered. "I'm short, not disabled." A lot of people chuckled at my counter.

"Wow, what a mouth! I hope she jumps." I heard Eric mutter to the same Dauntless leader as before. "I'm going to enjoy training this one."

"She looks like Amity, but sounds like Candor." The female Dauntless leader said to him.

I chuckled on the inside as I hauled myself up on the ledge. No, I could never be in Candor. I didn't like sharing what I honestly felt like. I would fail in Candor. I looked down. There was a massive hole in the roof of the building I was suppose to free fall into.

"When you're ready initiate" Eric said impatiently. "While we're still young preferably"

I inwardly shook my head. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and jumped.


	9. Chapter 9

I fell freely for several stories. I closed my eyes, and said my good byes to the world just in case I became one with asphalt at the bottom. I made a small cry of surprise when I was met by a net. The impact caused me to go back up into the air, but not far before I came to a rest on the rest. I was amazed I didn't scream on the way down. However, I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was free. I looked up and saw numerous heads poke over the ledge to see me in the net. I chuckled a bit, relieved that I survived once again.

Someone pull down on the net. I was met with brown eyes that I felt pierced my soul to it's very being. They belong to a man that was so handsome that I seemed to forgot how to speak English.

"Did you get pushed?" He asked me. His voice sounded deep and sensual.

I shook my head "no" as I seem to not know where my tongue went. He put his hands beneath my arms and pulled me down from the net. I bet I was easy to get down considering that I'm at least two feet shorter than he is. He put me on my feet.

"What's your name?" He asked me.

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Oh, come on! The way I was acting seemed like I have never been in the presence of a excruciating handsome man before. Jonas was excruciating handsome like an ancient Greek God. This man was beginning to rival him...extremely. It made me feel guilty actually. I was still in love with Jonas. This guy was making me think of naughty thoughts while disabling my ability to communicate orally at the same time.

"Do you have a name?" He asked me, amusement in his voice though he didn't show one trace of it on his handsome face. I nodded "yes" like an idiot. "Can you talk?" I nodded yes once again. "Any chance in saying it?" I nodded again. I heard others chuckling at the exchange. They must think I'm some sort of mute. "If you want, you can change your name. You can only do it once, so make it good."

Oooh! This presented a golden opportunity for me. I liked Gemma, but it was fine for when I was in Amity. New fraction deserved a new name. There was one name that I could think of right off the bat.

"Raven" I finally managed to utter.

He looked at the others. "First jumper, Raven!" He introduced me. "Welcome to Dauntless"

"Thank you" I said softly before I walked away to where the other members of Dauntless said. A few of them offer their hands to me.

While I waited for everyone from the roof to jump down, I mused myself with my own thoughts. I was good at it. Entertaining myself, that is. I went with the name Raven because ravens were predatory black birds. I was a huntress from Amity and will always be a huntress. Now that I was in a different fraction, I was free as a bird. It's not that Amity didn't have it's own freedom. However, it was looked down to use half of the language I have said or thought in the last two days. It was looked down on to harbor horrible thoughts about someone else. I don't think I would be hindered from that here in Dauntless.

The last person to jump from the roof was the same Dauntless born girl, who asked me if I needed a boost onto the ledge. Funny how I was able to jump way before her and I'm not even from this faction. She was introduced as "Last Jumper: Jenny".

"Those of you born in Dauntless go with Mitch. Transfers stay with me" The Dauntless version of Jonas said.

We waited while the Dauntless born initiates went with Mitch. When it was just us transfers, Dauntless version of Jonas continued.

"I normally work in Intelligence, but I will be your training instructor. My name is Four."

I noticed some of the Candor transfers snickered. One of them was Amy.

"Like the number?" She asked, heavily amused.

"Yes, just like the number."

"Were one through three taken?"

"The others must've been taken too." The same Candor guy, who wished us luck on the train earlier, remarked.

I saw something in Four's eyes that I didn't see before. I couldn't make it out because I was from Amity where we rarely saw much anger. I wondered how often people made fun of his name. I also wondered how often he was tempted on punching people in the mouth that made fun of his name.

"What are your names?" He asked with curiosity.

"Amy"

"Dan" The guy replied.

Four approached them, and stood almost up in their face. "Well, Amy...Dan...the first thing you both need to learn from me about surviving in Dauntless is to keep your mouth shut. Do you both understand?" They both nodded at the same time, looking a bit pale. From the way Four stood, I reckon they were expecting him to smack each of them upside of the head. "Good" He began to walk away. "Follow me"

We all followed him. He took us downstairs that were bathed in a red light. It looked freaking creepy. Then, he led us to this gigantic hole that was filled with Dauntless members either fighting, dancing, or socializing.

"This is the Pit. Center of life at Dauntless" He said to us. Then, he lead us through a maze of tunnels before we reached more stairs going down. There was a bunch of beds. "This is where you will be staying for the next ten weeks."

"Who?" A guy from Erudite asked curiously.

"All of you"

"Boys and girls?"

"Pretty much"

A lot of the initiates made remarks about the co-ed sleeping arrangement. I wasn't bothered by the fact that I would be sleeping in a room with men. After all, I have had sex with a man. What bothered me was I was becoming a bit paranoid about men I didn't know possibly attacking me. Then again, as I learned the hard way, I knew my attacker well. Anyone was a potential threat as far as I was concerned.

"If you like this, you will like the bathroom." Four remarked.

He lead us to a bathroom with a lot of toilets and showers that had no freaking stalls. What the hell? Honestly, this bothered me more than the sleeping arrangement. I will just have to treat this like I do when I went on hunting trips with my family and Jonas. And there were no toilets in that situation

I briefly squeezed my eyes shut because I didn't want to think about my experience of not using a toilet while out on a hunting trip.

"You should feel right at home Candor since you let everything out." Four said snidely. "Get dressed" He walked past us, and bumped me right in my shoulder. Never uttered an apology for running into me. I guess I should get used to being in an unapologetic environment.

With that, we began to change our clothes


	10. Chapter 10

We tossed our old clothes from our original fractions into a small fire pit after we were done changing into clothes for Dauntless. It felt odd wearing all black with some red. I had put my hair up in a bun. I felt reluctant about throwing my old Amity clothes in the fire, but I was no longer Amity.

The other initiates and I made our way to the mess hall for lunch. Some Dauntless members looked at us as we made our way across the hall to sit down. There was only one table left with enough seats for five other initiates and I. Four was sitting at that table. I felt a bit intimidated to sit with him because he didn't seem to take any shit from any one. It made him a bad ass in my eyes.

"Let's sit here" Amy said to me as all six of us sat at Four's table.

The boys, including Dan from earlier, sat on one side. The girls, including Amy and I, sat on the same side as Four. Guess who ended up sitting next to Four? Yep...Yours Truly

There were hamburgers, baked potatoes, and baby spinach in the small trays that were in the center of the table. They served water. I was amazed I wasn't that hungry. I guess nerves were getting to me and affecting my appetite. Still, I took a potato and the baby spinach.

"You don't want a hamburger?" Amy asked me in surprise.

"Nope"

"Amity is like Abnegation a little bit when it comes to diet." A girl informed the other initiates. I recognized her as the girl from Erudite who had asked Eric what was at the bottom when we were about to jump off the building. "Most of it is plant base. They have some meat, but they save it for other fractions like Dauntless. They do use more seasonings and sauces in their food more than Abnegation."

"I felt like I just listened to audio book." Dan remarked.

"Same here" Amy added.

"My name is Heather, Erudite."

The boy sitting across from Heather reached his hand to her. "I'm Brian. Used to be Candor. It is a pleasure to meet you." He gave her a smile. Heather chuckled a bit.

"Nice to meet you too, Brian" She said as she shook his hand.

The boy sitting across from me did a slight salute. "I'm Randy. I'm from Erudite too."

"You must've picked most of these, right Amity?" Dan asked me curiously.

"Yeah" I replied, beginning to get nervous. I wasn't good at small talk. "And it's Raven, not Amity"

"Ah, my mistake." He replied as he put a bite of potato in his mouth. "So, the only thing you didn't pick was the hamburger, right?"

"No, but I probably shot the cow with a sedation dart before we slaughtered it." I remarked absently.

All five of the other initiates literally stopped eating and looked at me like I developed a second head. I didn't have the guts to look, but it felt like Four had given me a side glance too.

"You killed the cow that made this burger?" Brian asked in amazement. He smiled. "That is awesome"

"I didn't say I killed it." I corrected him. "I shot it with a sedation dart. I basically put the animal in a deep sleep so it didn't feel a thing when it got slaughtered. We kill animals for food humanely in Amity."

"Of course, you do." Dan said in a tone. "Amity is all about peace."

"Yeah, and?"

"I'm just saying it's not surprising that you all in Amity would kill animals in a peaceful way since you all are about peace."

"Ah, okay" I said before I began taking small bites on potato.

"What's that on your left hand?" Amy asked me curiously.

Ah, damn! She saw it. "That's a scar of a Brown recluse spider bite."

She took my hand and examined the scar. I noticed Heather was looking over Amy's shoulder to look at my scar. As well as Brian

"I didn't know spiders could do this." Amy remarked as she let go of my hand.

"Not all...Brown Recluse spiders are the only ones within the U.S that do." Randy told her. "It doesn't always happen though."

"How did you come across a Brown Recluse?" Heather asked me curiously. "They are, well, very reclusive."

"We were having a bonfire." I replied as I fiddled with my fork. "My dad asked me to get a log from the log pile we had next to the house. The spider had been on the side of the log. My fingers had trapped it's legs, and it bit me. Of course, I didn't feel it at the time as their bites are painless in the beginning. I saw the spider scrambling a few seconds later. The asshole"

"Brown recluses tend not to want to attack unless they feel trapped." Randy pointed out.

"It is still a bastard." I countered. "The bite became an ulcer and got slightly infected. I haven't liked spiders since then."Amy, Dan, and Brian chuckled. "What?" I asked them, wondering why they were laughing at me.

"It is funny to hear someone from Amity swear or be so blunt." Brian replied.

"I'm not blunt though."

"You are a little." Amy remarked. "You would've fit in with Candor."

"I'm getting a little sick of hearing you guys talk about your old fractions and what fractions you could've joined." Four interrupted. "You're Dauntless now."

I blushed. It hadn't been my fault that I talked about being in Amity. I was asked questions involving it like the hideous scar on my hand. Meekly, I said "Sorry"

Four looked at me. "It's not your fault completely." He said, turning his gaze to the initiates behind me. "They wouldn't stop asking you questions."

I noticed that all five of them looked down at their plates to spare themselves from looking into his dark, soul piercing eyes. "Were you born in Dauntless or were you a transfer too?"

He looked at me like I just smacked him upside his head. "Are you kidding me?"

I raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"What makes you think you can talk to me?" He asked me. Oh, shit!

I should've kept my mouth shut. Normally, I do. However, I just wasn't the same person anymore apparently. Because, the next words out of my mouth were "Because you talked to us"

Amy, Heather, Brian, Dan, and Randy all burst out laughing. I realized I made a huge error because Four's gaze became extremely predatory. I wonder if he felt tempted at punching me in my mouth just as he felt earlier when Amy and Dan made fun of his name. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and brought me closer to him.

I became rigid. I had no idea what he was going to do because of my smart ass comment. Whatever it was, I braced myself both mentally and physically for impact. It didn't matter if it was his own hand or a knife. I just prepared myself for the inevitable.

Imagine my surprise when I just felt his lips near my ear, and he whispered "Careful" I nodded, letting him know I understood what he meant. I was relieved that I got off with a slight warning. Another leader came to our table and whispered to Four.

While Four's attention was diverted, Randy lean himself in towards the middle of the table. "I heard he was first in his class. They have tried to give him leadership on two different occasions, but he turned it down."

There was a lot of commotion suddenly as the Dauntless members began to bang their cups against the table. They were doing it because the Dauntless leader, Max, was approaching the edge of ledge from the balcony above.

"Initiates, stand"

The six of us from our table stood. Other initiates, both transfer and Dauntless born, followed suit.

"You have joined the warrior fraction. Tasked with defending this city and it's inhabitants. We value courage and acts of bravery. Respect that" Max told us.

The room erupted into cheers as he walked away. A lot of the Dauntless members approached us and started to lift us up in the air. I felt like I was moving on the water as I was passed around on people's hands. Maybe this won't be so bad


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for assault**

It was six in the morning when I woke up. Everyone else was still asleep. It was still dark. I put my clothes on and made my way upstairs. It was time to feed the animals.

Reality hit me when I reached the top of the stairs. Feed the animals? I wasn't in Amity anymore. I was in Dauntless. I guess I was so tired from all the fun I had yesterday that it caused me to lose a few brain cells, which lead to me having temporary memory loss.

I felt too tired and lazy to go back downstairs into bed. So, I just sat on the floor next to the stairwell and went back to sleep. I've done it before back in the stables at Amity. I would try to hide in one of the horse's stalls, so my parents couldn't see me sleeping when I was suppose to do morning chores.

I don't know how long I was asleep for before I felt a gentle tapping on my shoulder. It was Four. He looked amused. At least, his soul piecing eyes did.

"What are you doing sleeping here?" He asked me dryly. "Aren't the beds here in Dauntless good enough for you?"

I covered my mouth as I yawned. "I got up early when I was in Amity to feed the animals." I replied groggily. "I forgot briefly this morning I was in Dauntless."

"So, you thought you had to feed animals when you woke up?" He clarified, sounding amused.

"Yep"

I was surprised when I heard him snickering. "Alright, make your way to the Pit while I wake up the others. Okay?"

I nodded. He helped me up to my feet while he made his way downstairs. I was not surprised when I was the first initiate to be in the Pit. Eric was sitting on a beam. Four quickly joined him. I felt very awkward because I got a feeling that neither of them liked me because of the way my mouth has been lately. If they knew me from Amity, they would know I'm normally not a smart mouth. I blame the Hell that Adam forced upon me for that.

"She's awfully quiet." I heard Eric whisper to Four after a minute of silence between us. "A little too quiet for my liking."

"And here I thought you would like a quiet girl"

"If I really liked quiet girls, I would've joined Abnegation or Amity." Eric retorted, which got a soft chuckle from Four.

Did they think I was deaf or something? I was right there while they talked about me.

"She must be hiding something." Eric added, looking right at me. Damn, he's good. "That's usually the case with very quiet people."

"I wouldn't say that." Four disagreed. "She might not have anything to say. Isn't that a good thing sometimes?"

"Maybe to you, but not me"

"Well, if you want her to talk...ask her something."

"I will." Then, Eric addressed me. "Hey, initiate! Talk! You're making me nervous."

"About what?" I replied, a bit annoyed they had this whole conversation about me like I wasn't there.

"Why are you the first initiate here?"

"I woke up early." I replied.

"She thought she had to feed animals." Four added, amusement back in his voice.

"Is that what you did in Amity when you woke up?" Eric asked me, equally amused.

"Yes"

"Did you forget that you were in Dauntless for a brief moment this morning?"

"Yes"

Eric chuckled. "I love this girl! She is amusing."

I was relieved when the other initiates finally arrived. They would take the focus of Four and Eric off of me temporarily. Something also told me they...correction, Eric...will tell everyone about my little blunder this morning about forgetting I was in Dauntless since I woke up early to feed the animals. It already felt to me I was the laughing stock of the whole fraction.

"There are two stages of training. There is physical where we push your body to it's breaking point. Then, there is your mental. Same thing where we push you to your breaking point. You will face your fears and have to conquer them unless they conquer you first. You'll be ranked each day. By the end of training, rankings will decide which jobs you go to. Leadership, protecting the wall, or keeping the other fractions from killing each other"

"Rankings will also determine who gets cut" Eric added.

There were a lot of murmurs among the transfer initiates.

"Cut?" Sean asked, puzzled.

"Whoever is under the red line after each stage will be leaving us." Eric replied. "So, you will either go back your families or become fracction-less."

The Fraction-less were people that couldn't make it in the fraction they choose. They didn't have homes and basically had to fend for themselves. They are people that our society literally throws away because they don't fit into the fractions, either of their origin or the one they choose. It pissed me off.

"I wouldn't sweat it." Eric said dryly. "If you really are one of us, you wouldn't worry if you do get cut."

We worked out, went out on runs, learn how to shoot guns, and watch Four fight other members of Dauntless as a way to teach us how to fight in the next week. I did well with working out, jogging, and shooting guns because of my background as a huntress in Amity. The only thing that would hinder me is fighting someone and comforting them for hurting them. It was in my nature as a former Amity member to forgive and console someone if they weren't doing well. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way why it's wise not to console or apologize to someone that you just fought.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for assault**

I was sparring with Amy one day a week later when I heard Eric call "First Jumper! In the ring". He then turned his head to the other side of the room and called "Last jumper". Of course, I wasn't fighting the actual last jumper since she was Dauntless born. I was fighting the last jumper for people that transferred into Dauntless. Her name was Mari and she was six feet tall. Oh, hell no!

Mari and I both entered the ring. We looked at each other, sizing each other up. She looked smug. She probably thought fighting me was going to be easy since I was much shorter than me. However, she didn't know me well. None of them did.

Mari looked at Eric. "How long do we fight for?"

"Till one of you can't fight anymore."

"Or one of you concedes" Four added.

"Unfortunately" Eric said snidely. "I think that no one should concede. A brave man never backs down."

Four looked at Eric in disbelief. "Really? Interesting because I recall you conceding when we fought."

Eric didn't comment on that. Instead, he said to us "You'll be graded on this, so fight hard."

I put my arms up in defense as she did. She stalked towards me. I felt my former Amity nature take over and I began backing away until I was out of the ring completely. Mari didn't look impressed. She backed up a bit, so I can enter the ring again.

"Come on, Amity! Don't be afraid." I heard Dan say.

Mari swatted at me. I ducked. She aimed a punch at me again, and I grabbed her wrist. I pulled her forward fast till the point where she completely went by me before I elbowed her hard in the back and kicked her hard in the back of the leg. I heard a lot of people going "Ooh" at the impact. She fell to the floor in a big oof! She sat up, and I aimed a kick at her chest. She put her hands up, not wanting me to kick her.

"Please don't!" She begged. "Don't!

"You want to stop?" Eric asked her. Mari shooked her head "yes". "Okay"

I felt guilty. While she had begged for me to stop, I saw fear in her eyes. It was the first time any one has ever looked at me like that. It dawned on me then that is probably how I looked at Adam right before he attacked me.

I knelt on the ground and I wrapped my arms around her. "I'm sorry!" I said to her sincerely. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I heard a lot of gasps that I did that. Mari was shocked too, but she hugged me back anyway.

"Oh, geeze!" Eric spat. "You got to be kidding me. Can I asked you something, Amity? What would happened if we were in a war and you did this to your enemy?"

"Oh" I said as realization dawned on me. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Eric asked me. I nodded my head "yes". He approached the ring. "Not as sorry as you're about to be." He warned. "Four, would you like to show our little initiate from Amity why it's not a wise idea to say sorry and console the enemy?"

"I think she knows now what she did was wrong." Four said, standing up for me.

"Yeah, but let's show everyone why what she did was wrong." Eric told me. A muscle worked in Four's jaw and he got in the ring.

"Mari, move" Four said to her as he took her place on the floor. I suddenly had a very bad feeling.

"Go ahead, Raven" Eric challenged me. "Go hug Four like you did with Mari"

The bad feeling increased three fold. "No thanks...I'm good. I learned my lesson. I won't do it again."

"Put your fucking arms around Four" Eric commanded me. "Now!"

I did what he said. Holy shit! I was hugging Four. However, this is not the type of scenario to hug him in.

"Now, console him like you did with Mari" Eric told me. His eyes gleamed menacingly.

I was going to look like an idiot now. "I'm sorry" I said, but not with the same emotion I did when I consoled Mari.

"That sounds so emotional-less, Raven." Eric said dryly. "How about you mean it? Imagine Four being Mari. If you want to feel the same way towards him like you did with Mari, just kick him a few times." Four gave Eric a dark look.

I dug deep into my old Amity nature. "I'm sorry!" I said just as I did when I consoled Mari. "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"Now, Four...show everyone why this is a bad idea." Eric said coldly. Uh, oh

Four wrapped his arms around me, lifted me up a bit before slamming me on my back. The wind got knocked out of me. He got on top of me, grabbing for my wrists. In that instant, I got triggered. Instead of Four, I saw Adam. Flight turned to fight, and I swung my legs up. Being a bit flexible, I got my legs on his chest and knocked him off me.

I heard a bunch of gasps. Four moved quickly back onto me, striking the back of my head against the mat. While I felt a bit disoriented, he straddled me and got my hands beneath his knees. He reached into a pocket on his pants and got out a knife. He put a hand on the top of my head, and pushed down. It forced my head to go up, which exposed my throat. He held the knife against it.

I froze. Every single limb in my body went rigid. I was scared that he would slit my throat right there in the ring in front of everyone. I didn't dare breath. Just waited for the slice of the knife to end my life right there.

"This is why we don't hug and apologize to an enemy." I heard Eric explain from far away. "An enemy would have no qualm spilling your blood, no matter how much you feel sorry for them." He added. "Four, you can let her up now"

Four removed the knife, and eased himself off me. Tears swam in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. He reached down and offered me a hand. I shook my head "no", and got up on my own. I felt humiliated, stupid, and triggered...all rolled into one big ball of sadistic fun.

"You understand now why you don't console, right Raven?" Eric asked me. There was something in his voice now. Pity, I guess? I nodded my head. "You got points for winning the fight. However, you lost points for consoling someone when the person you fight is suppose to represent an enemy you may have to fight with in the future. Plus, I wasn't happy with the way you kicked Four off you even though it did impress me. Now, go sit out a bit and collect yourself while we do the next fight."

I went into the next room and sat down on the bench. I heard the next fight was between Amy and Heather. I didn't watch that fight or any of the others. I just wondered if I made the right choice as I cried quietly away from the others.

I don't know how much time had passed before I heard Eric say "Listen up"

I got up and walked to where everyone was gathering. A chart came up. "You know what this is? This is your life line. We grade you every day."

I looked for my name. The good news was I was above the line. The bad news? I was in the space just above being below the red line.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for assault**

I was silent as we went back to our living quarters. I couldn't bare to look at anyone as I was humiliated beyond belief. I felt like I was the laughing stock of this fraction.

The girls decided to take a shower and the boys would shower after us. I felt numb as water ran over my head and body. I made sure the water was as hot as I could allow it. Perhaps the hot water would make me feel like I was reborn like it normally did whenever I went into water. Being in water gave me peace. Most of the time, I should say.

I got dressed in a long-sleeve black shirt over a black tank top. I threw on black pants. I lay in bed facing the wall. I fell asleep after a while. I woke up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Amy. Heather, Brian, Dan, and Randy were with her.

"How are you doing?" She asked me curiously.

"I could be better." I replied honestly. That should appeal to her former Candor self.

"We're all going to get tattoos. Do you want to come?"

"Yes" I replied as I got up and joined them.

"We all need to be cheered up." She told me as we walked up the stairs.

"I'm almost dead last." Heather said sadly.

"I'm below the line too." Randy chimed in.

"Same here" Brian added.

"I'm above it!" Amy said happily. "However, I figured you all could use pick me up."

"Even though Raven is above the line?" Heather asked dryly.

"Yeah, only by a space" I countered sarcastically.

"That was some vicious fighting you did there, Rave" Brian remarked.

"Yeah, I was quite surprise by that too." Randy chimed in.

"I had been a part of a hunting party in Amity." I replied. "So, I know how to go after and target prey."

"Amity has a hunting party?" Heather asked, surprised.

"Yeah, it's something that Johanna doesn't want people to know about."

"Why is that?" Randy inquired.

"Amity is suppose to be about non-violence. Yet, we are the ones that provide food for the other fractions. How do you get meat?"

"Ah, touche"

"It's not like you guys actually kill them while they're still aware, right?" Amy pointed out.

"Right, we use sedation darts that we put on the tip of the arrow." I explained. "The sedation darts put the animal in a real deep sleep, so they don't feel a thing when you do slaughter them. I was always the one that shot the arrow to sedate them."

"Ever killed an animal yourself?" Dan asked curiously.

"No

We made it up to where they do tattoos in Dauntless. It looked like a club where people met to party rather than a tattoo parlor. Hip hop music played while everything was cast in a dim light. Stencils of what the tattoos looked like hung on the walls. It took me a while to find it, but I found a stencil of a bird's head. A raven's

I spotted the woman who administered my test. What was her name again? It started with a T. I approached her with the stencil of the Raven's head.

"I would like this one." I said to her. She snatched the stencil from me. I was surprised by her attitude. What the fuck did I do? A few minutes later, I was in a chair with my left hand propped on an arm rest. The tattoo applicator was over it. My first mission was to cover up this hideous scar.

"I'm surprised you chose Dauntless." She remarked a few minutes later of uncomfortable silence. Well, at least uncomfortable on my end.

"Why?"

"You are way too peaceful to be in a fraction like Dauntless." She informed me. "It will get to you after a while."

"Peaceful? I've been more snarky than normal."

"I've had heard about people talking about you being a smart mouth. They think you should be more in Candor than Dauntless."

"I would fail miserably in Candor. Despite how I've been lately, that's not who I am normally:"

"A lot of people are noticing how angry you seem to be."

I looked up at her in surprise. "What?"

"They think you're very angry. They are suspecting that something happened to you in Amity."

Oh, Hell's Bells! Was I that transparent? And here I thought I've been doing a good job hiding my anger lately

I decided to play dumb about the suspicion. "Why do they think something happened to me in Amity?

She gave me a look. "Do you know how often someone from Amity joins Dauntless?" I shook my head. "It's very rare. The last person to join Dauntless from Amity was twenty years ago. Before that time? Thirty. Both of those individuals who joined had something happened to them in Amity that drove them away to Dauntless."

Ah, shit! Time to play clueless more. "What happened to them?"

"They got attacked by someone. Both attackers were people that transferred into Amity."

"I can assure you. That didn't happen to me." That line there? Is why I'm not in Candor. This is the biggest lie I ever told.

She gave me a look before checking on the tattoo applicator. I don't think she believed me.

"Just do me one favor" She said as she removed the tattoo applicator. My hideous spider bite scar was now covered by a Raven's head. "Don't tell any one that you got another score along with Amity. I know it's not Divergent, but it borders with it. I don't know how far leadership will go, even when it comes to people like that."

"Will do"


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

The next two weeks passed by in a blur for me. All we did was more fighting, target practice with the guns, and working out. The days just seemed to mesh together. The only good thing happening was that I was advancing in the ranks. I went from being in the last good spot to being ranked as fourth. I had beaten most of the people that I fought. There was no doubt in how good my aim was when I shot a gun because of how I was always on point when I hunted with an arrow. I was actually beginning to miss my bow now.

I woke up one morning not feeling well. It was probably that nightmare I had. I dreamed about how Four pinned me down on the mat from two weeks ago and held a knife to my throat. Four had smiled cruelly at me before turning into Adam. He taunted me that he will kill my family and Jonas if I told anyone about what he did. Then, the bastard raped me and he didn't sedate me this time. I remember every single detail of that rape. He also made small cuts all over my body while he did it. I felt sick to my stomach when I woke up. Sick enough to make a bee line to the bathroom and throw up.

I rinsed my mouth afterwards, and went back to my bed. It was still early. However, Amy was awake. She looked at me with worry.

"You okay?" She whispered. She got out of her bed, and sat on mine. My bed was close to a two walls. We sat on the bed with the big wall to our backs.

"Yeah, just got sick. That's all." I assured her.

"Are you sure?" She pressed. "You were talking in your sleep."

Wha-? I talk in my sleep? That is a new one for me. "Really? What did I say?"

She mimicked. "Adam, no! Please don't! Stop! I beg you!"

Oh, my God! It took a lot for me yo hold it together right there. I clasped my hands together as tight as I can to control myself from shaking with emotion. I made sure I looked indifferent as much as I can.

"I see." I said casually like it didn't bother me.

"Raven..." She began before hesitating. She took a deep breath. "I have to ask. Did something happen to you in Amity?"

"No" I replied quickly as I can. "Absolutely not"

"Are you sure?" Again, she pressed me.

"I'm pretty positive that I am sure." I countered in a dry tone.

Amy held her hands up in front of her. "Look, there is no need to get defensive. I'm not here to interrogate or judge you. I'm just worried about you. This isn't the first time you talked in your sleep like this."

"What?"

She gave me a worried smile. "Yeah, this isn't the first time you've done this. You've done this at least three other times too. When you first did it, I just passed it off as a nightmare. Now, I'm wondering if these dreams are something that actually happened."

"Nothing happened" I assured her. "Really"

She looked at me for a moment as if deciding what I was saying was true. She shrugged her shoulders and got off my bed. "I hope so." She said as she went back to her bed. I went back to sleep too after a while.

When we had breakfast later on, I didn't have much of an appetite. There were scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. My stomach rebelled at the thought of eating anything. I still made myself a small plate because Four was sitting with us again. I ended up just repeatedly stabbing the eggs with my fork.

"You aren't hungry?" Amy asked me as she put a bite of egg into her mouth.

"Seems so" I said glumly.

"You need to eat."

"I know. I just can't get myself to eat. I feel sick by the thought of eating."

Heather and Randy both chuckled. Amy, Dan, and Sean gave them a dark look.

"What?" I asked the former Erudite members curiously.

They recovered very quickly. Heather replied, "Nothing". She took a bite from her piece of toast. "So, you got sick this morning?"

I glared at Amy. She put her hand up in defense. "I didn't say anything to anyone."

"You didn't have to." Dan remarked dryly. "You could hear Raven retching"

I blushed. "You all heard that?"

I got met with a resounding chorus of "Yes"

I put my face into my hands in pure embarrassment. Fuck! I felt tears sting my eyes, but I couldn't afford to cry. Not in front of them. It was bad enough that I cried in front of them after Eric humiliated me a few weeks ago.

"You are sick?" Four asked me curiously.

"No"

"Do you want to sit out for today?"

"No"

"Great...now eat"

"I don't feel like it."

He snickered. "If you're going to train today, I suggest you eat."

"The thought of eating makes me feel ill."

This got another round of chuckling from Heather and Randy. It was beginning to piss me off.

"What is so god damn fucking funny?" I snapped at them.

My friends and Four looked at me in surprise. Randy replied meekly, "It just seems that you are experiencing the early signs of pregnancy."

"Yeah" Heather agreed

"I'm not pregnant. I'm still a virgin." I lied. Heather and Randy didn't look convinced. Of course, they didn't. They would've learned everything about pregnancy while being in Erudite. I looked at Amy, Sean, and Dan. They didn't look convinced either. They would know when someone is lying since they are former Candor. Even Four looked like he wasn't buying it. In that instance, I felt truly alone.

"I need to go." I said as I stood up. Tears threatened to spill over. I needed to get out of here and start on the punching bags.

"Not until you eat" Four said, grabbing my wrist. He looked up at me and his eyes locked with mine. "I order you to sit down and try to eat something."

I debated doing what he said or being rebellious by doing the complete opposite of what he wanted me to do. The rebellious spirit that had been in me just a minute before didn't seem to be there. Worst, I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't do what Four told me to do.

I reluctantly sat back down and decided to try to eat some egg after sprinkling a little bit of salt on there. I did manage to eat a few bites of egg and was surprised I had a few bites of bacon too. Then, we all went to the Pit for training.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

I was doing the punching bags. Amy was fighting Mari in one ring. Sean and Randy fought in the other. Heather and Dan were working out.

Four approached me while I wailed on the punching bag. I was pretending that the punching bag was Adam. The punching bag was not meant to be kicked, but my anger furried me into kicking it anyway. I felt gentle, yet strong hands fell lightly on my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He asked me curiously. That seemed to be the question I get asked nowadays. Am I okay? No, not really. Was I going to say that? Hell no!

"Yeah" I lied. I continued to punch at the punching bag.

"I don't think so." He said bluntly. Seeing as he was a giant compared to me at six feet, I arched my back slightly so I can look up at him.

"Excuse me?"

"I think you're lying."

"Prove it"

"Alright, I will." He said as he walked over to the side of me. "By the way you act and look"

"Act?"

"Yes" He challenged. "You're originally from Amity. You would have problems right now using foul language and being snappy. Don't get me wrong...someone from Amity that would transfer into Dauntless would eventually get that way. However, not when they just joined the fraction."

I took it that Eric told him and everyone else how I flicked off the guy from Candor and got snarky with the Dauntless born initiate before I jumped. I later learned the Candor guy was named Nate. I didn't like him. He was always making inappropriate comments to me like that and it reminded me how Adam treated me for the last year before he attacked me.

"I didn't notice." I told him, which was partially true. I wasn't use to dealing with anger. We ate bread in Amity that had a peace serum that made us chill the hell out, which hindered one's ability to feel anger. Therefore, no anger and no reason to use violence against someone that you were angry at

As if he read my mind, he said "I guess you're not used to the emotion because of the Peace Serum."

Ah, so he did know about the serum. I shouldn't be surprised since he normally works in Intelligence. "Yes, that's it"

"I heard that going off the serum can be hard." He remarked. "I would've thought that you would have trouble with not having the serum two days after joining Dauntless."

"Well, mystery solved!" I remarked. "I went off it two days before I joined."

By the puzzled expression on his face, I could tell he wasn't expecting me to say that. "Why would you go off it two days before the Choosing Ceremony?"

I was at a loss for words. I didn't want to tell him the real reason. He would twist my arm into reporting the rape and would want me to get justice for it.

"I knew I would be choosing Dauntless." I lied.

He turned me towards him, and forced my head back so I can look him in the eye. "You're lying again to me. Why are you lying?"

"I'm not lying!" I protested.

"You're not? Okay, then...let me tell you why I think you're lying. The Dauntless members that were there at the Choosing Ceremony said that you were originally going to choose Amity. Then, you changed your mind on what looked like a whim. So, if you were really going to choose Dauntless from the get go, why look like you were about to choose Amity?"

I didn't have an answer to that.

"Now...let me tell you why I think you're not okay just by how you look." He continued. "You look like you were about to end up in tears at breakfast this morning." He leaned forward to peer more into my face. "Kind of like what you're doing now. You look angry. You look upset. You look like your world was turn upside down. That's how I know you're not okay."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether I should deny everything that he said, or admit he's right. I didn't know whether I should continue to punch the punching bag as a way to suppress the bubbling emotion that was about to erupt, or let him have it. I didn't know whether to cry in front of him, or flee to another room to do it.

Of course, my mind and body aren't always synchronized as I felt tears fell down my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily. I was surprised that Four pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me.

"It's okay to admit you're not okay." He told me. "Dauntless is not about being emotional-less. It's about being brave and courageous. Part of being courageous is admitting when things aren't okay. You don't have to worry about being cut for crying or being angry, although I wouldn't recommend you do it all the time here."

I closed my eyes as he hugged me. It didn't help that I was beginning to think about Jonas. He was the same way. He knew whenever I wasn't right. In that moment, I missed Jonas even more. I pretended, just for one second, that Four was Jonas.

That came to a crashing halt when I heard Eric say, "Aww! Four is getting sweet on Raven."

"I'm not." Four replied. For some odd reason, I got the feeling he was lying about that.

"I was about to faint." I lied. "He was just helping me get through it."

Four look down on me. While I may have gotten comfortable with letting my guard down with Four, I wasn't with Eric. He would emotionally crucify me. Maybe cut me because he thought I was too emotionally weak for Dauntless.

Eric looked at me. "Why are there tears running down your face?"

"I hit the punching bag hard and I thought for a minute I broke something." I lied again. "I rallied myself up till the point where I almost fainted."

"I see." He said skeptically. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah"

"Get back to work then" Eric ordered me. "Four, I need your help."

Four released me and I watched him help Randy get Sean off of the mat. "Sorry Sean" I heard Randy say apologetically as they carried him off to the medical ward.

I began to hit on the punching bag. I punched at it until I heard Amy cry out. I turned around and saw Mari beating her. Amy put out her hand in protest. She didn't want to fight any more.

"You want to stop fighting?" Eric asked Amy. She shook her head yes. "Alright" He said as he helped her up. "Let's take a break everyone."

We walked towards the living quarters. Eric had his arm around Amy's waist. "So, are you feeling any better?" He asked her curiously.

"Yes" Amy replied. She should have said no.

Eric and Amy had just gotten on the bridge over the chasm when he grabbed her arm, and pushed her body off the bridge. She hung onto the bridge with one hand.

"Grab onto the railing, or don't" He said to her coldly. She did as soon as he dropped her hand.

"I'm getting sick of all of you conceding when you fight." He told us coldly. "So, Amy, you'll be the first to prove how badly you want to be here. You have three options. You can let go and fall to your death. Hang there and I will forget your cowardice. Or you can give up. If you give up, you're done being in this fraction."

It was agonizing watching her hang off the bridge like that. Amy struggled to stay on the bridge as she groaned. After a minute of watching her hang, Eric called out "Time!"

Dan and another boy named Tim went to pull Amy up. I joined them on the bridge where Amy threw herself into my arms. I held her tightly as she sobbed against me.

"Dauntless. Never. Give. Up!" Eric emphasized each word.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

We went on the train the next day. We were going to go out to the wall since some of us may protect it when we would become official members of Dauntless. I was looking forward to it because there was a huge chance I might see my family and Jonas. I haven't seen them in three weeks now.

"You are responsible for the defense of this city and everyone within it." Four explained to us. He learned what Eric had done to Amy after he got back from dropping Sean off at the medical ward. "That's why we train you the way we do. To not give up"

"If we're not allowed to give up, why are we allowed to concede then?" Amy asked him curiously. She was still shaken by what happened yesterday. "I didn't think I broke any rules."

"You didn't." Four replied. "At least, not to me you did. Eric is different though. He doesn't believe anyone should be allowed to concede. It's ironic to me though personally since he did that when we fought in our year of initiation."

Obviously...between what he forced Four to do to me a few weeks ago after I made the mistake of consoling Mari and nearly causing Amy to fall to her death by making her hang off the bridge over the chasm, I was beginning to think that Eric was sadistic.

"I know it's been quiet out there for years, but that can change at any moment. It's why we need to remain vigilant." Four said as we arrived to the wall that overlooked the Amity farms.

I was the last initiate up the stairs that lead to the second level of the wall. I stood next to Four and Amy. Sean, Randy, Heather, and Dan were on the same level as us. The other initiates were spread out.

"What's out there?" Dan asked curiously.

"Amity farms" Randy replied.

"I know." Dan said, exasperated. "What's beyond that?"

"Places that never recovered from the war." Heather told him.

"Actually, it's a vast waste land." I corrected her. They, including Four, all looked at me.

"How do you know that?" Four asked me curiously.

"I was a part of a small hunting party when I was in Amity." I replied. "My mom, who heads the hunting party, wanted to extend our search for food. We got permission from Johanna to venture beyond the farms. All we found was nothing but absolute destruction. We did spot a patch of trees about five feet away from where we managed to get to. However, we had to stop. The toxins in the ground were beginning to make us dizzy. Mom didn't want to risk it."

There was silence as we continue to survey the Amity farms. I looked for my family. I felt sad that I couldn't see them. Or Jonas

We were about to go down stairs when I heard "Gemma! Gemma!". I smiled. It was my mother. I saw her run up to the wall on the side of the farms and wave at me. "There is my baby."

"Mom!" I cried out in delight. To Four, I said "Please! Let me see my mom!"

"I can't allow that." Four replied.

"It doesn't have to be me meeting my mom. It can be me doing a perimeter check to make sure the wall is sound while I ran into my relatives. Please let me see my family, Four" I begged.

He thought for a moment. "Alright, I will come with you through the door though."

I was hopping as I went down the stairs with Four. He entered a code into the door, and it opened. I had memorized the code...just in case. It was 031517. I ran through the door straight into my mom's arms. She lifted me up a bit since my mom is a little taller than me.

"My girl! You look so beautiful!" My mom exclaimed in delight. "I've missed you so much!"

"Mom, I need to do a perimeter check on this side of the wall. You want to join me?"

She smiled. She linked my arm with hers. I was happy that Four went the other way, although I'm sure he was just giving me my space. I really appreciate him doing this for me.

"I'm sorry." I told my mom when we were a few feet away from the door. I felt my voice breaking.

"It's okay, Sweetie." She said to me as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and hugged her to me. "I was just surprised."

"I was surprised too." I said to her. "How has everyone been?"

"Well, why don't you ask them?"

I saw the rest of my family when we went past the bend in the wall. I saw my dad, Sol, and Daisy. My little sister ran into my arms.

"Gemma! I've missed you!" She cried.

"I've missed you too, little one." I said as I hugged her to me.

My dad gave me a big hug next. "How's my little girl?"

"I'm doing well, dad!" My sister said to him. My dad chuckled, and tickled her beneath the chin.

"I meant your sister. I know you're well."

"I'm fine, dad."

He looked at me. I mean...really looked at me. While I was close to both of my parents, my dad and I had a stronger bond than my mother and I.

"Are you sure, love?" He asked concernedly.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

He scrutinized me for a minute more before shrugging his shoulders. "If you say so, love"

Sol approached me. "Wow...black! That is interesting."

"Dauntless wears black"

"I know." Sol remarked. "It's just weird to see you in black. It's like you've gone to the dark side."

"You're making it sound like your sister is bad now." My dad pointed out to him dryly.

"I'm not saying she is bad, Dad." Sol retorted. "She looks weird dressing in black. Like she lost her light."

I blushed a bit. "I can assure you, bro. I still have it. I'm just using it for good."

"Yeah, because being in a fraction like Amity wasn't light enough. Right?" He said coldly. He patted me on my shoulder. "It was nice to see you sis. If you will excuse me, I have work to do."

I watched him walk away. Obviously, my brother wasn't happy about me joining Dauntless. I began to wonder where Jonas was.

"Don't mind him" My dad said to me as we began to walk back to the door in the wall. "I think he was caught off guard that you would join Dauntless."

"He's not the only one." I told him. "I was surprised by my choice too. I figured I could help defend the city. That's helping people, right?"

"It is, baby." My mom reassured me.

I looked around in search for my boyfriend. "Where is Jonas?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

My dad pointed in the other direction where Four had been walking. I headed in that direction. My parents caught me up with everything that had been going on in Amity since I left. Apparently, joining Dauntless had been the talk of the fraction since it's so rare. There has been speculation that I was treated poorly by my family or Jonas that motivated me to leave.

"It's not true." I said firmly after my parents finished talking about the reasons why I left Amity. "I just wanted to do more."

"That's fine, sweet heart." My dad said as he hugged me again. He looked up at my friends from Dauntless watching us from the wall. "Obviously, people are going to see that we aren't the ones that drove you from Amity since you wanted to talk to us."

"Exactly"

My breath caught in my throat. I saw Jonas kneeling on the ground, weeding the potato crop. He looked magnificent even when he wasn't facing me. His back was broad and I saw his muscles through his green shirt. I could see his calf muscles through his brown pants. Sweat trickle down his brow, but it made his hair slick back. Ironically, Four was near him. At this moment, Jonas stood out more than Four. That was a good sign. It showed I was still more attracted to my boyfriend than to my instructor.

"Jonas!" I called him.

He turned around. "Hi" He said coldly before he returned to weeding. That stung. I was expecting him to say "Hi" in his typical sexy way of saying hi to me that made my breath deepen and think of naughty thoughts. I felt like I was just shot down.

"How are you?" I asked as I knelt beside him. I hugged him. He wrap an arm around me in a hug that felt like he was hugging someone he didn't want to hug. What the hell? I thought he would be happy to see me after all this time.

"I could be better." He replied glumly. "You?"

"It's been alright." I said indifferently. "Training a lot. It's hard work"

He went "Mmm-hmmm"

Now, it was my turn to ask someone if they were okay. It was pretty apparent he wasn't. "Are you alright?"

"What do you think?" He answered with steel in his voice.

"I don't know. I'm not a telepathic."

"Alright...I'll tell you." He said as he stood up and glared down at me. "I'm hurt that you joined Dauntless."

"I'm sorry, Jonas." I told him sincerely. "I didn't decide on Dauntless easily."

"Really? What made you decide? Last time I checked, you were going to join Amity. What changed?"

I was speechless. I didn't want to tell him what happened because I was afraid of what Adam would do if I told the truth.

"Did you leave because of me?" He asked me angrily. "Was I the reason? After all, that's the talk of this fraction. You left because your parents or I mistreated you."

I felt sucker punched. He wasn't happy to see me because he felt betrayed that I left him in Amity when I went to Dauntless and that people thought he was the reason why. It wasn't hard to see that he was beginning to think that those suspicions were true. On the other hand, I could understand fully why he was mad. I would be mad too if I was in that situation.

"It's not true." I told him firmly. "You and my parents are the last ones in this fraction that would drive me away."

"So, what did?"

"Why is it that people assume the worse when other people join a particular fraction after being from another fraction?" I countered, beginning to get angry. "Did it ever cross anyone's god damn mind that I left because I wanted to help people more by defending them? Yes, it may involve violence. You can't exactly use that in this fraction. You have to turn the cheek and hope rainbows fill your heart so you can forget someone screwed you over, so you won't kick that person's ass."

My parents, sister, Jonas, and Amity members close to us gasped when they heard me use the word "ass" and how one can't kick it if that person pisses them off.

"You've changed." Jonas observed harshly. "You're not the same girl I was in love with."

"I'm still the same girl!" I protested.

He shook his head. "You're not. You're angry. It emits from you like the stench does from a dead animal: What are you so angry about?"

As if on cue, Adam appeared from behind me. He was smiling like a complete total douche bag. "Ah, nice to see you Gemma."

I scrambled away from him as fast as I could. I put myself behind Jonas. "Go fuck yourself!" I shouted at him. "You're the reason why I left Amity."

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "Me? What did I do?"

"You know what you did!"

He put his hand to his chest. "I'm hurt that you thought I did something to you that cause you to leave Amity."

"Bullshit!" I spat.

His mouth dropped and he looked like he was struggling to find his words. "I never. How can you accuse me of such of a thing, Gemma? What have I ever done to you to deserve this hostility?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!" I screamed at him. "Stop fucking act like you never done anything to me!"

He made a gasping noise. "I can't believe you're accusing me of doing something to you. I've always been kind to you. I love you like my little sister."

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"What did he do you, Gem?" Jonas asked me, turning around to look at me.

"Yeah, what did I do?" Adam asked me again. "You said I know what I did. However, be specific. If you know, surely you can tell us all."

I was about to confess that I was raped in front of everyone. Then, I noticed the look in Adam's eyes. While the big grin remain in place, his eyes took on a coldness that sent a shiver down my spine. I noticed he was holding a knife in his hand. He was behind Jonas now. Would he stab or slit Jonas' throat if I confess?

I realized right then and there that he was intentionally goading me. He knew what he did to me. However, he was seeing if I was dumb enough to say what he did out loud. Even if I did confess what he did out loud, I wonder how many people that were present from both fractions would believe me? If they didn't believe me and did nothing to him, he would kill my family and Jonas for sure. If they did believe me, he could kill Jonas so easily right now. My dad and mom weren't far from Adam. I wonder how quick he could get to them and kill them right in front of me before a bullet from a gun that Four or one of the Dauntless members on the wall had would end his life right there. Either way, someone could die because I say what he did. I decided not to risk it. My family and Jonas' lives were more important than everyone finding out that Adam was an emotionally sadistic rapist.

"She doesn't know." Adam said dryly when I was silent after a minute. "She doesn't know because I never did anything to her. She is just trying to blame someone else for leaving."

I felt my heart drop when I saw some members of Amity nodding in agreement with him. He was manipulating them because he knew I wouldn't tell them that he actually raped me.

"Let me put it to you, Gemma" He added. "You claim you still love Jonas. Yet, how are you going to continue your relationship with him?"

My heart just dropped from my stomach to my toes. "What do you mean?" I asked curiously, feeling a lump develop in my throat. I was getting a bad feeling.

Adam burst out laughing. "Oh, my! She doesn't know."

"Know what?" I shouted my question at him.

"You can't have a relationship with someone when they're in a different fraction." Jonas replied sadly. "Dauntless won't allow you to be with me, and Amity won't allow me to be with you."

"What?" I asked again, my voice broke.

"We can't be with each other any more since we're not in the same fraction:"

My legs became shaky, and I dropped to my knees. "No" I said in disbelief.

"Yes" Adam said smugly. "You can't. So, another words, when you joined Dauntless...you ineffectively broke up with Jonas. Did you seriously think your relationship would continue?"

"Yeah" I replied, crying now.

I felt my skin crawl when Adam patted my head like I was a dog. "Aw, isn't that cute? You didn't know. Well, now you do."

In a scream of rage, I jumped at him. I kicked the knife out of his hand and kicked it away. He was laughing like a loon as I tackled him to the ground. I began to rain punches on his head.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

I don't remember what I said as I pummeled Adam with my fists. I didn't hear my family's, Jonas', Amity members close to us, and Four's protest that I stop hitting him. All I saw was a red haze. All I felt were my fists repeatedly hitting Adam's face and body.

It felt all surreal to me. I felt like I was out of my body as I attacked Adam. What I remember from it was feeling shocked that I was beating the shit out of him. I didn't recognize myself. More tears fell down my cheeks at the realization that I didn't know who I was any more. Because this girl that was beating the tarnation out of Adam wasn't me. It was someone else. What felt even weirder was that time seemed to slow down as I repeatedly hit and punched Adam with all of my might.

I felt two strong arms wrap themselves around my middle and pulled me off of Adam. I didn't see who it was at first. I was focused on Adam. I was determined to end his life right there since he ended my life the way I knew it. I felt those same two arms hold me back as I try to rush back towards Adam again. Then, my dad put himself between me and Adam. His face was a mixture of shocked, concern, and anger. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently squeezed my shoulders.

"What has gotten into you?" He asked me with concerned.

 _Adam_ , I thought angrily. _Literally_

"You don't behave this way!" He reprimanded me with a mixture of sadness and anger. "I didn't raise you like that."

"I know." I said tearfully.

I looked past my dad to see Adam. He was sitting up. However, his nose was bleeding and the skin around his eye was getting blueish. He was checking his teeth with a finger to see if he lost any. If he did, I would be so happy.

"I think it's time for you to leave, Gem." I heard Jonas tell me from behind. I realized that he was the one that pulled me off of Adam and kept me from going after him. "You obviously don't belong here any more."He dragged me back, and thrust me into another pair of strong arms. I noticed those arms dressed in black sleeves. He obviously gave me back to Four. "Take her!" He spat. "She shouldn't be allowed back here any more!"

"Jonas" I protested, my voice quivering.

"I don't want to hear it, Gem" Jonas cut me off sharply. To Four, he said "Go! Take her out of here. What are you waiting for?"

Four grabbed my arm, and pushed me in the direction of the door in the wall. I didn't bother looking behind me to see how my parents and sister looked. I could hear Adam laughing, and it prompted me to want to turn around to go kill him.

"Go" Four growled as he squeezed my arm in warning. The slight pain on my arm made me yelp. He pushed me through the door, and he closed it behind him. He pointed towards the train. "Move"

I punched the wall hard on my way to the train. It hurt, but I ignored it. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks. I punched the train as I got in. That hurt more. Enough where I had to cradle my hand. However, pain turn back into anger. Before I even realized what I was doing, I began to punch the wall in the train like there was no tomorrow. I felt two strong hands grab my shoulders and shove me backwards.

Four stood there and he looked pissed. "Enough!" He growled. "Stop hurting yourself! Do you think hurting yourself will bring your boyfriend back?"

"Ex boyfriend!" I corrected him angrily, raising my fist to punch the train wall behind me.

"Stop" He said gruffly as he grabbed my wrist. He turned my body into his. "Now." He wrapped his arms around me, and held me to him.

Frustration and anger gave way to grief. I collapsed against him and sobbed my eyes out. His arms relaxed around me, and held me tenderly. As he held me, I heard the train begin to fill with initiates. I couldn't face them.

"Calm down" Four told me softly. "Just relax"

No one said anything as I cried. They let me cry it out. It felt weird. I was making myself look weak and ridiculous in front of them even more. Yet, crying so much felt cathartic to me. It made me realize just how much I've been bottling up for the last few weeks.

I felt two hands on my back. I turned around to see Amy and Heather.

"We can take her." Amy said softly. Four passed me onto them. They walked me to a window. I looked outside as they continue to console me by patting on my back or hugging me. They didn't say anything. There wasn't a need to.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

I was on my knees scrubbing the last toilet. When we got back to Dauntless headquarters, Four had notified Eric of what I did when we visited the wall. I was expecting Eric to be pissed off. Instead, he was quite amused. I didn't get off easy though just because he found my assault on Adam to be amusing.

I got punished. My punishment? I was going to clean the whole bathroom in our living quarters. I hated it. It took my mind off of what happened earlier at the same time. It was a welcome distraction to the Hell I was feeling on the inside. I would be lying if I didn't say I threw up a few times during the course of this punishment. It was disgusting, particularly the smell.

I finished the toilet, and stood up. I stretched. Every muscle was hurting. I cleaned every toilet, sink, and shower. I scrubbed the floor and cleared the grout. My hands were sore. It was from a combination of the copious amounts of cleaning and wounds I had on my hands when I decided to punch the wall that guards the city and the wall of the train. The cleansers made the wounds sting. I washed my hands, and I went to my bed. I curled up and I stared at the wall. Tears came back into my eyes now that my mind wasn't distracted.

I felt humiliated, shame, and grief. I probably appear to be a loon to not only those in Amity, but those in Dauntless now. Just what I need because apparently it wasn't enough that people suspected of something happened to me that lead to me joining Dauntless. They know now I attacked an Amity member because I let the asshole use fear to silence me and manipulate others into thinking I was insane. My mind kept repeating what happened earlier. Maybe I should've said something about Adam raping me in front of everyone. Even if he killed Jonas and my parents, people would know what a shit head he was. Yet, I couldn't put my family and Jonas' life in danger. I cried myself to sleep eventually. I missed dinner because of that, but I don't think I would've had the appetite even if I didn't miss it.

Eric checked on the bath room the next day after Four had woken us up. He didn't let anyone leave until he was done inspecting it. He wanted to use me as an example for what would happen if any of us attacked each other or others outside of Dauntless. Great, I was an example now.

He slide a finger on the last sink. There was nothing. "Good job, Amity." He said to me. "Everything looks great. Maybe you will think next time before you decide to try to beat the shit out of someone." I didn't say anything. I kept my mouth shut because I was beginning to see why people in the other fractions didn't like Candor.

"And by the way...I don't recommend picking fights with walls. They always win." He added with amusement in his voice.

The next week went by painfully slow. My training was still going well. However, throwing up every morning and feeling queasy all the time has put a damper on my rankings. I'm happy to report that I'm not near the red line. Yet, I dropped from fourth to seventh.

I was beginning to get to the point where I couldn't deny any longer if I was pregnant or not. I was. I had to be. I missed my time of the month a few days ago. I've been throwing up every single morning for the past week. My breasts are getting tender. I've developed an aversion to eating most food. I felt some slight pain in my abs, which I wasn't sure was a good thing or not.

I had completely fell off the map when it came to socializing. I did hang out with Amy, Heather, Sean, and Randy still when we were in the living quarters. I don't say much though. When they go out, I stay in. I either practice or just lay down. Heather and Randy say that I'm depressed. It's actually the first time I ever had depression. Peace Serum in Amity kept you happy. It was, if you will, your happy pill. So, I was completely lost on how to cope with this depression I was feeling.

On the beginning of the next week, we were introduced to knife throwing. Being a former huntress, I was good at it. I imagined I was throwing a knife into Adam's cold heart. The group itself was a mixed bag. Most people couldn't do it as well as me, but they managed to hit the target. My friend Heather wasn't one of them. She didn't only miss the target completely. She didn't even get the knife to stick to the wall. She threw the knife, and it bounced off the wall like a ball.

"That was pathetic." Eric observed dryly.

"It slipped." She said as an excuse.

"Well, go get it!" He snapped at her.

She gave a snort of derision. "Are you kidding me? You expect me to go out there and get a knife while everyone is throwing knives?" Oooh, Heather...no

"Are you afraid?" Eric asked her curiously.

"Of getting stabbed by a flying knife, yes" She replied.

"Everyone stop!" Eric commanded.

We all stopped throwing our knives. I had this horrible sinking in my stomach. This wasn't going to be good. Eric was a sadistic bastard. Whatever idea he had in his head to teach us a lesson was going to be ruthless and foul. He had Four hold a knife to my throat as a way to demonstrate why I shouldn't say sorry to the enemy. He threw Amy off the bridge over the chasm when she conceded during a fight with Mari. Now, something involving the knives will probably be used on Heather.

"Four, give me a hand" Eric ordered. I looked at Four. A muscle twitched in his jaw. I think he was fearing the same thing I was. That Eric will have him do something sadistic to Heather. He said to Heather, "You're going to stand in front of that target while he throws those knives at you. If you flitch, you're out". I saw Heather swallow hard and tears form in her eyes. I felt very bad for her. "The number one thing you will learn here is that orders are to be followed."

She walked in front of one of the targets. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. I would be screwed if I was in her position. I don't think I could handle someone throwing knives at me. Four gathered up a few knives. I don't think I could handle watching this either. My head ducked as I saw Four pull back on his arm before I heard him toss the knife. I heard Heather give a small cry. I looked up and the knife had gone in the wall next to her arm on the left.

"You flitched." Eric said coldly.

"No, I didn't!" Heather wailed in denial. I didn't know because I didn't see her. Just heard her

"You flitched before you cried out. You know what that means."

"Please! You can't kick me out. Give me another chance!" She begged.

"Go!" Eric spat as he pointed towards the door. "Either go back to your family or go fraction-less. I don't care which you go with!"

Heather left with a sob. Sean followed her. My eyes filled with tears that I was losing a friend.

"That's why you follow orders." Eric told us. "If you don't, you're not meant to be here. We're done for today."

Amy, Randy, and I rushed quickly out of there to join Heather and Sean in the living quarters. She was getting her stuff together. We noticed Sean was too.

"I'm so sorry, Heather." Amy cried. Tears were running down her cheeks. She gave Heather a hug. I gave her a hug too.

"I'm sorry too, Heather." I said tearfully. She hugged us both.

"I knew I was going to fail that." She said sadly. "No way in hell I can't flinch when knives are being thrown. Eric is an ass!"

"No kidding" I said sarcastically.

Sean came between Heather and I. "I'm going with her. I'm not going to stay if she isn't here."

"Where are you two going to go?" Randy asked them curiously as he wrapped an arm around both of them.

"Not Erudite" Heather replied. "Jeanine has been weird lately about people returning to their old fractions. Since she leads Erudite, I doubt she wants me back."

"Jack is more laid back at Candor." Sean explained. "So, I think we will go to my parents in Candor. If I'm not accepted, I guess we'll go fraction-less."

"We wish you both luck." Amy said as she hugged them again.

We gave them a group hug. We walked with them while they walked to the door that lead out of Dauntless. Again, we gave each other hugs.

Randy had his arms around both Amy and I as we watched our friends leave us. My heart was broken. In a week, I have lost my boyfriend and my two good friends at Dauntless. What's next?


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

A week after Heather and Sean got kicked out of Dauntless, I was still in the throes of this depression. They leaving didn't help it. It made me feel a lot worse since I cared about them both deeply. Amy was more affected by it than I was since she spent more time with them than me.

I was laying in bed when Amy and Randy approached me. "What's up?" I asked them as I sat up.

"We need to do something to cheer us up." Amy announced. "There is a dance tonight in the Pit. The three of us are going together, whether you like it or not."

"I don't feel like going." I said firmly.

"You need to get your ass out." Amy remarked in the same tone. "All you do is train and mope. Time for a change"

"We all need this." Randy pointed out.

"Oh, alright!" I said in a huff. I guess my self-social isolation was coming to an end.

There wasn't much to choose from in terms of clothes. We didn't have any dresses or fancy looking black garb. So, I went with a black tank top with my usual black pants on. I looked attractive this way. I left my hair down as I did a lot when I was in Amity. Amy just wore a black sports bra with the pants and her hair was up. Randy dressed in a black muscle shirt with the black pants on.

The three of us made our way to the Pit. The music was loud and there was a red light over it. We walked in with Randy between us, a arm slung over our shoulders.

"Time to have fun" Randy declared as he began to bop. Amy did the same thing. They separated from me and began dancing together. I sat down as I didn't feel like being the third wheel. I watched them dance, bored out of my mind. Normally, I would've danced because I like dancing. I couldn't be arsed right now given my current head space.

The bench jumped slightly as someone sat down roughly on it. My heart sank when I realized it was Nate, the boy who told me to "Take it off" just before I jumped on our first day at Dauntless.

"Hey, sweet heart" He purred. "How are you doin'?"

"I could be better." I answered honestly.

"I've heard." He remarked. "Your boyfriend breaking up with you...that must be rough."

"It is."

"Would you like to dance?"

"I don't know."

He looked at me with big sad eyes and pouted his lips. "Please"

"Oh, alright" I said, giving in.

He took my hand, and lead me to where people were dancing. He tried to bump and grid with me. However, I wasn't use to that dance style. I was used to slow dancing and just showing off. He touched my ass a few times, which I had to forcefully remove his hands from my ass and put them on my sides. He tried to kiss me a few times. I averted my face, so that he just got my cheek.

"You want something to drink?" He asked me curiously after we danced for five songs.

"Yes" I replied as I sat down in the same place as before.

"I'll be back." He said and winked at me. A few minutes later, he was back with two cups. He handed one to me. "Cheers"

We clinked the cups together. Then, we both took a drink. I spit out my drink in my cup. It was beer.

"What's wrong?" He asked me with concern.

"I'm not a fan of beer." I replied, putting my cup down.

"Oh" He said before he smiled. "More for me" He drank both cups pretty quick. "That was good." He slurred his words a bit.

"Glad to hear it" I said dryly.

He put his cup down, and slung an arm around my shoulders. "Would you like to take this party somewhere else?"

"Like where?"

He smiled at me. "Inside my pants"

I couldn't believe he said that to me. I stood up and began to storm away. "No, thanks!"

He caught up with me, and grabbed my arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

"None of your fucking business" I snapped at him. "Let me go!"

"Come on baby! Let's get you somewhere secluded and start this party."

I pushed at his chest. "Let's not!"

In that instance, I was triggered. Thoughts of how Adam used to pull the same shit came back flooding towards me. How unwanted flirting became unwanted sex

"Let me go!" I screamed, pushing desperately at his chest to let me go. I saw a finger tap on Nate's shoulder. It was Four.

"Let her go" He commanded Nate.

Nate stumbled a bit backwards when he saw Four. He let me go. "Tease" He spat at me.

"Yeah, because I'm the one that approached you." I countered sarcastically. "Not!"

"Just leave, Nate" Four told him.

"It's okay." He said indifferently. "The bitch is crazy any way."

"Now" Four warned him. "Or you will lose points"

Nate held up his hands in front of him. "Fine" He scurried away to another part of the Pit.

"Thanks" I said to Four. I was shaking. "I think I'm going to call it a night."

"It is still early." He pointed out to me.

"That's okay" It told him. "I just want to go to bed."

"You've been hanging out there a lot lately." He observed.

"I'm fine." I lied to him just to get him off my back. "I'm just tired. That's all"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm grand."

He looked at me with concern for a few more minutes. Then, he shrugged. "Okay, sleep well"

"You too" I said as I left.

I got a knife from where the knives were kept. I was going to sleep with it under my pillow tonight. Nate slept in the same room as I did, and I didn't fucking trust him. Or anyone else either. After a few minutes staring at the wall and trying to calm myself down, I finally fell asleep


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references**

"Raven" I heard my name being called. It sounded like someone shouted my name from on top of a building and my name was echoing everywhere. There was a slight ringing in my ears.

When I left the fogginess of sleep more, that's when I noticed how much pain I felt in my lower abdomenen and how I was completely drenched in my own sweat. I felt horrible. My head felt like someone hit it hard with a two by four. I felt like I was burning up from the inside out. My vision had a slight blue and yellow hue to it. A groan escaped from my lips.

"Raven" I heard Amy say my name with concern. "Are you alright?" Randy was standing next to her. They both looked worried as hell.

"Yeah" I lied.

"Bullshit" Amy said gruffly. "You are covered in your own sweat."

"And you look pale" Randy added.

"I'm fine." I assured them. "Let me take a shower and I will join you both upstairs." They looked at me like I just lost my mind.

"I don't think you are." Amy countered softly. "You look like you're about to die on us. I think you should go to the medical ward."

"If I go there, I'm out." I told her.

"I don't think Eric will kick you out of Dauntless for that." Randy reassured me. He rested a hand on my shoulder. "Good lord! You're burning up!"

"I know. That's why I want a shower."

It was hard to get myself sitting up. As soon as I did, I felt my stomach rolling. I ignored how bad my body felt and made a bee line for the bathroom where I threw up.

"I can't afford to miss training." I told them. "Once I take a shower, I should be fine."

"Okay" Amy said, sounding extremely not convinced. "We're going to keep an eye on you though."

"Fine" I said as I went under a shower head.

"You're going to shower with your clothes on?" Randy asked me in disbelief.

"Sure, why not?" I said as I turned on the shower. I put it on lukewarm. Feeling dizzy and weak, I sat down on the floor. I was under the water for a minute.

"We need to go now." Amy said.

"Okay" I said weakly. "Help me up"

Randy lifted me easily off the ground. He wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me up. "I really strongly urge you to go to the medical ward."

"We can go after training." I said to them as we climbed the stairs. I was getting tired of doing that after the first flight. So, I had Randy give me a piggy back ride. Between the time I got on his back to when we were in the Pit, I had fallen back to sleep. I felt a hand tap on back vigorously. It was Amy.

"Wake up before Eric spots you asleep." She warned me. I did, but it was so hard. I wanted to sleep. However, fear drove me to stay awake. I didn't want to leave this fraction because I was sick.

Randy carried me to the punching bags, and he helped me stand against one with Amy's assistance. Everything was spinning. If it weren't for them and the punching bag, I would've fallen.

"Amy!" I heard Eric shout. "Into the ring!"

"Coming!" Amy replied back, just as loud. It made my head hurt. To Randy, she said "Watch her!" She patted both of our backs as she left.

Randy patted on my back to encourage me. "Come on, Raven"

I continued to hug the punching bag. "What's going on here?" I heard Eric call out. I wonder who he is talking to. I began to fade a little bit until I felt a rough hand land on my shoulder and pull me away from the punching bag. I fell to the floor.

"Why are you hugging the punching bag rather than punching it?" He demanded. Then, he grimaced and wiped his hand on his pant leg. "And why the hell are you wet?"

"She showered to cool herself down, Eric." Randy replied for me. "She's not feeling well."

"Then, why is she here?"

"She said she wanted to be."

"Well, if she is good enough to be here, she is good enough to fight."

"No! Please don't make her fight!" Randy protested.

"Sorry, man...but if she isn't sick enough to go to the medical ward, she's fine enough to fight."

"She is sick! If you don't believe me, feel her!"

Eric gave him a look before he knelt beside me and put his hand on my forehead. "She is very warm." He mused. "I'll let it be up to her." He looked at me. "Do you want to fight? If not, go to the medical ward."

I don't know if I was becoming delusional from the high fever, but I said "Yes"

"Raven, no!" Randy protested.

"It's fine." I said weakly. I struggled to get up.

"She can't even get up!"

"Then, help her!" Eric snapped at him.

"Eric" I heard Four intervene.

"What? If she says she wants to fight, she should fight."

"You're unbelievable." Four said in disbelief.

I felt another pair of hands on me. I realized that Four was helping Randy carry me to the ring. "She is burning up." Four pointed out.

"I know." Eric said dryly. "Still, she wants to fight. A brave soldier never backs down." Then, he called "Nate! In the ring!"

Oh, no! Not the idiot from last night, who triggered me. He smiled as he entered the ring. "Hey beautiful!" He leered. "This is going to be easy."

We stood there for less than thirty seconds staring at each other.

"What are you two waiting for? Go!" Eric barked.

With a dark smile, Nate lunged himself at me. I mustered all of my energy, and did a jump kick. My foot connected with his groin...hard. He dropped to his knees and cupped himself.

"You were saying?" Randy asked Nate with amusement.

Eric snorted. "Even when she's sick, she fights vicious."

Nate moaned. I smiled. However, it was a brief victory as the floor came rushing up to meet me. Amy would tell me later that I had blood coming out of me after I passed out.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for sexual assault references and** **miscarriage**

I woke with a start when I heard a woman shout, "This is unacceptable!"

I felt a hand on each of my shoulders as I bolted up. "It's okay, sweet heart." The same woman told me softly. She lay me back down on the bed. "Just relax"

"Where am I?" I asked nervously.

"You're in the medical ward." I heard a familiar male voice tell me. I looked up and saw Four. He was the other person who put their hand on my shoulder when I came to.

"What am I doing here?"

"You passed out."

"I can't believe you two didn't have the sense to pick up the child and carry her here." The woman continued to rant.

"She wanted to fight." I heard Eric counter. He was near the door. His face looked a bit flushed. Was he blushing?

The woman stopped what she was doing, and looked at Eric. "Oh, she wanted to fight." She said sarcastically. "Why, by all means...let's do what she wants. Who is the leader again, Eric?"

"I am."

"Good, act like it! I would've ordered the girl here if I were you."

"She didn't want to come here. What was I supposed to do?"

"Gee...I don't know. Pick her up! She's small enough." She put an ice pack on my head. She reached across me, and took Four's hand. She put his hand on the ice pack. To him, she said "Keep that there. If she passes out again, I won't have to worry about her dropping it."

There was silence as she gathered some instruments. "I need to do an examination since you're bleeding a lot."

I bolted up again in a panic. "Bleeding? Where?"

"Between your legs, sweetie" She told me as she pushed me back down on the bed. She pulled out something from beneath the bed. "Put your legs in these"

"What the hell are those?"

"Stirrups" She replied, putting my legs in them. While her tone seemed a bit gruff, her touch was very gentle. "I need to do an examination down south."

I panicked. "No! I'm fine!" I said trying to get my legs out of the stirrups and closing my legs.

"Hold her down" She ordered Four. He put both hands on my shoulders and pressed me to the bed. "Just relax, hon. I really do need to check you out. You have a temperature of a hundred and seven. There is an infection somewhere, and I need to find it. The infection isn't in any place that I can see on your body."

On my body? I realize at that point that I was just wearing a black hospital gown that would go down to my knees. She must've looked while I was still passed out.

"Considering you just had a miscarriage, I'm guessing it is somewhere between your uterus and your vag-"

"Alright!" Eric said impatiently. "I don't need to hear this."

"Good" The woman said. "Fuck off"

"Don't talk to me like that" Eric said dryly.

She gave him a look that said "Oh, yeah?" "Sweetie, I will talk to you however I damn want. You failed as a leader of bringing an initiate to me when she is suffering from a high fever and a miscarriage."

"I'm one of the leaders, Jo." He pointed out.

"Yeah, and I'm a doctor that can over-ride some of those orders. Remember?" She challenged him.

"Guys...can we stop and focus?" Four pleaded with them.

"Sure, I'm out of here." Eric said as he stormed out of the medical ward's door.

"What a shit!" Jo exclaimed as she grabbed an instrument off the tray. To me, she said "This might hurt a bit. Just take a deep breath and breath normally as much as you can."

"I'll try" I said dryly, bracing myself. I took a deep breath. She inserted whatever the hell she was holding into me. I screamed as hot, burning pain ripped through me. "Oh, my God! That hurts so much!" Tears spilled out of my eyes and fell down my cheeks.

"It's okay." Jo said soothingly as she patted on my legs. "Just relax yourself and try not to tense up."

I don't know how long she was examining me between my legs. I cringed a few times as she swabbed or touched me. I think I passed out because one minute I closed my eyes, and the next minute I smelled something awful. There was something beneath my nose. It was ammonia.

"Wake up, sweetie" Jo said as she held that foul smelling stuff beneath my nose. "You fainted."

"I'm sorry." I said apologetically.

"It's okay. I think the fever is making you faint." Jo remarked as she put her hand to my forehead. "She still doesn't feel like she is cooling down." To Four, she said "Pick her up. We're going to go put her under the shower for a bit to help cool her off."

Four lifted me off the bed with no problem. He cradled me as he carried me to the shower that was in the medical facility. Jo turned on the shower and set the water at being luke warm.

"Hold her" She said to him. "She isn't supposed to have her body be submerged in water for the next four weeks to prevent infection from the miscarriage. The infection she has now is coming from an one inch tear just before the cervix. It's oozing puss and it's red. She had other tears too. I cleaned them out and stitched them up. She is going to need antibiotics every day for the next week."

"Did the infection cause the miscarriage?" Four asked curiously.

"It's hard to say what caused it when it's this early." Jo replied. "She was only five weeks along."

"She has only been in Dauntless for four weeks though."

"Looks like she got pregnant before joining Dauntless"

I felt them both look at me. I didn't say anything. I was deep in thought about which man would've been the father: the ex I had been with for a year or my ex's best friend that raped me. I felt conflicted. On one hand, had this been Adam's youngin', I'm glad that the pregnancy ended. Even though I planned to carry this pregnancy to term, I don't know how I would feel to have a child that resembled my rapist. I wouldn't know how I would tell them that they weren't created out of love, but out of rape. I would worry how I would treat the child. I don't think I would be the type of person that would mistreat them because of something that their father did. The concept of treating someone like crap because of what another did seems stupid to me. It would make more sense to treat the asshole that was an asshole to you like shit. However, I don't think I would ever get myself close to that child as a mother should because of their father. It makes me feel like a bitch to think this way.

On the other hand, I felt a sense of sadness that the pregnancy ended if Jonas was the father. We had talked about having children once we got married. Even if we broke up because I went to Dauntless, I would rather have him be the dad than Adam. I know Jonas would make a great father. I've seen him hold other people's babies and their children. It made my uterus quiver when I watched him with kids.

I began to get sleepy as Four held me under the shower. Water droplets fell off his eye lashes, his hair, and eye lashes. They spilled onto me. It was funny. Despite a very high fever and an infection threatening to kill me, my focus was on Four and how badly I wanted to kiss him. We may not talk too much to each other, especially after what he said to me on the first day of being in Dauntless. However, it seemed to me that he cared for me a lot more deeply than he did for the other initiates. And that touched me a lot since I felt a bit alone in this fraction. Not to say that I don't have friends because I care about Amy and Randy. I felt devastated when Heather was kicked out, and Sean left with her. It is just that I felt a bond more with Four than I did with them.

And then I fell asleep once again...or passed out. I don't know which


	23. Chapter 23

I woke up back in bed. I had been dried off. There was a needle attached to an IV in my hand. My head hurt. I didn't feel like I was burning up though. My throat felt dry. I shifted my weight slightly. I moaned as I felt sore. I wonder how long I had been out. I could see outside the window that the sun was setting.

I saw Jo walking around. I asked her weakly, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Oh, child...you've been out of it for two days."

"What?" I asked her in disbelief. Fear rose within me.

"You've been going in and out of consciousness for two days."

"I don't remember waking up."

"I wouldn't be surprised." She remarked dryly. "You were delirious. You talked a lot in your sleep."

Uh, oh...I hope I didn't mention anything about the rape. "What did I say?"

"You called out for your mom, your dad, your brother, and your sister." She said to me, her eyes looking sad for a brief moment. "You asked for your mom a lot. You also asked for someone named Jonas a lot too. You quieted down once I put a cloth back on your head or put my hand on your head to see how hot you felt."

I managed to sit up in a cross leg position on the bed. "Anything else?"

She looked at me. "Nothing I could understand." She replied. "It was kind of funny and creepy at the same time. You talked, but I couldn't understand one word you were saying. It was like you were talking jibberish." She walked over to me. She put two fingers on my wrist to check my pulse. "Your fever broke yesterday afternoon. However, you were exhausted. I figure I let you sleep."

"Eric is going to kick me out." I said as I struggled to get out of bed. She pushed me back down.

"No, he isn't." She assured me. "If he does...I guess we're going to have a little chat then."She was silent for a moment. "Your pulse is normal."

"When can I leave?"

"I want to keep you one more day."She said as she handed me a cup filled with water. She handed me a pill. I sighed. "It's for your own good."

"What is this?" I asked regarding the pill.

"The antibiotic" She replied. "You have only four more days to take it."

"How was I able to take it the last two days when I was out?"

"I gave it to you by injection."

I took my medicine and later on had broth. I had fallen asleep again. When I woke up, Amy and Randy were by my bed. They were wearing vests with small lights attached them.

"What are you two doing?" I asked them curiously.

"War games" Randy replied.

"When are you two leaving?"

"In a few minutes"

"A few minutes?" I said in disbelief. I began to pull the blanket off my legs. "I need to get out of here."

"What are you doing? You can't come." Amy said, putting her hands on my shoulders and pushing me back on the bed.

"Is it because Jo said I'm not ready to go?" I asked curiously.

They both looked at each other, and then at me. "No, Eric says you're done."

"What?" I asked, beginning to panic.

"He says you're out." Randy replied, looking a bit sad.

"Why? I've been here fighting an infection."

"He says you're taking too long to recover. He thinks you're weak."

I put a hand over my mouth and stiffled a sob. Amy sat on the bed and put her hands around me. "I'm so sorry, Raven."

"You can always go back to Amity." Randy assured me.

"I can't." I said tearfully to him.

"Why not?" Amy asked me curiously.

"Because I just can't."

Jo walked in and saw me in tears. "What is going on?" She demanded.

"Eric says she's done." Randy replied to her.

"I'm sorry, WHAT?"

We all looked at her as she shouted that last word. She stormed off. When she returned, she had a wheel chair. To me, she said gruflly "Get in"

I did as she said without question. She got the IV bag I was attached to, and slipped a hook on the wheel chair into a hole at the top of the IV bag.

"We're going to have a little chat." She said dryly as she pushed me in the wheel chair towards where all the initiates were gathering.

All the initiates were gathered in the church yard. We could see Eric talking to Four near a wall. Jo pushed the wheel chair to them. It was a bit hard as the ground was rocky.

"Oh, Eric! I have a bone to pick with you!" Jo said in a sing-song voice. You can hear the anger beneath it though.

Eric sighed. "What now?"

"Did I hear right that you cut this girl?" She demanded angrily.

"Yes, you did."

"Why?"

"She has been in the medical ward for two days. If it takes her this long to recover, she is weak."

Jo shook her head as if she didn't hear him right. "I'm sorry...she is weak? You said she managed to win a fight despite fighting a hundred and seven degree temperature, right? You said that you brought her here to the medical ward because she had passed out, right? So, how the fuck is that being weak?"

"I'm sorry, Jo" Eric said insincerely. "However, she is taking too much time to recover."

"Of course, she is!" Jo shouted at him. "She almost fucking died from a god damn infection! You would need that much time to recover if you had a deadly infection!"

"You don't shout at me." Eric growled at her.

"Then stop doing stupid shit and I will!"

Eric blushed. A few initiates chuckled. I noticed Four trying hard not to snicker. I put a hand over my mouth to prevent myself from joining in the laughter. Obviously, Eric wasn't used to people telling him off.

"Look, she's out!"

Jo tilted her head to one side. "You know what I find amusing?" She asked him.

"No, do tell"

"I remember when you were an initiate." She began. "You had came to the medical ward because you felt warm. It was a hundred degree temperature, a very low grade fever. You stayed in my ward for three days because you either had this low grade temperature. Or your stomach hurt because of nerves. Yet, your instructor allowed you to continue. Do you know where I'm going with this or do I have to spell it out?" Eric was silent. He was also blushing read. "I see I have to spell it out. If your instructor could allow you to continue after being out for three days due to a low grade fever, you can let this lady stay for being out of commission for two days because of a deadly infection!"

I was surprised that Eric remained quiet. Finally, he said defeated "Alright, she can stay. However, she needs to come with us tonight."

Jo glared at him. They look like they were sizing each other up. Finally, she looked down at me and asked gently "How do you feel?"

"Good enough to go" I replied honestly.

"There you go" She said softly to Eric. I could still hear the steel in her voice though. To me, she said "Just take it easy. I need to get the needle out of you if you're going to go."

"Alright" I said as I took a deep breath. I hate needles.

"Be back here in ten" Eric told me dryly. I nodded as Jo wheeled me away.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Trigger warning for references of miscarriage**

I was on the train ten minutes later. Jo had wheeled me back quickly to the medical ward. However, she was gentle and took her time as she pulled the IV needle out. Amy had met me there to give me my clothes for the war games. I quickly dressed, and we both got back to the train yard in time.

I leaned up against the wall between Randy and Amy. I was still feeling a bit sore and a tad bit lethargic. So, they were keeping an eye on me.

"The game is simple. It's almost like Capture the Flag." Four said as he dropped two bundles on the floor.

Eric opened one of them that showed this red small guns. "This is the weapon of choice." He said as he picked one up.

"You call that a gun?" Mari said sarcastically to Dan.

Eric pointed the gun at her leg, and fired. A dart shot out and hit her in the leg. Mari cried out as she slammed against the wall. Eric walked over to her and took out the dart.

"This is a neuro stem dart." He explained. "It simulates the pain of a gun shot. There will be two teams. Four and I will be captains."

"You pick first." Four told him.

Eric looked around. "I'll take Nate."

Four looked at where Randy, Amy, and I were standing. "I'll take Amity." I do wish they called me Raven rather than the name of my former fraction.

"Interesting choice" Eric remarked dryly. "I see you're picking the weak ones, so you can have someone to blame." I honestly objected to being called weak. Before I passed out on the mat two days ago, I had beaten Nate in a fight while dealing with a hundred and seven degree temperature and on the verge of miscarrying. I'm far from weak.

"You can say that." Four countered.

By the time we arrived at our destination for war games, both teams had been chosen. Mari and Dan were on Eric's team. Amy and Randy had been chosen by Four. The war games were taking part at the old amusement park that had been on a pier.

Four lead us to one side of the park. He pulled out an orange flag. "This is the flag we're guarding." He told us. Eric's team had a green flag. "Go ahead and turn off your lights. Alright, what's your strategy?" He asked us.

A bunch of people put forth their ideas. Amy recommended that we split into two teams. One to guard our flag while the other goes after Eric's team flag. Randy said to have the team going after the flag split in another two teams where one will engage with Eric's team as a distraction while the other get the flag. Four like those ideas of theirs.

I felt my old hunting instincts come back. I noticed no one said anything about scouting ahead or getting to a vintage point to see where the flag was. Or taking a shot at the person who would be guarding Eric's team flag. I searched around me to see what would best provide the vintage point. There was the Ferris Wheel. However, that is too high for even me to handle. It would be better if I got on top of the roof. I went to the building and tried the door. It was open. I went in and up the stairs.

I got to the roof, and looked out to see if I could see the flag. I heard steps behind me. I got behind the open door, and armed myself. I saw someone pass me. When their back was completely to me, I pressed the butt of the gun on their back.

"Don't move" I warned them, keeping my voice low. If the person was from Eric's team, I didn't want to give way my location to them too.

"It's me, Raven." A familiar deep male voice said dryly. It was Four. Whoops

I lowered the gun. "Sorry"

"It's okay." He said as I walked past him. "What are you doing up here?"

"Getting a vintage point" I replied.

"Wouldn't the Ferris wheel be a better choice?" He asked me curiously.

"Yeah, if I wanted to get stuck up there."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"

"I fear heights a bit."

"Ah" He paused. "Me too"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Really? You don't seem to be afraid of anything."

"I hide it well."

I smiled at him. Then, I resumed my search. I spotted a green glow in the distance. It was in one of the two towers at the amusement park. Particularly, the one on the left.

"Found it" I said, pointing at the left tower.

"What's your plan?" He asked me as the group of us getting the flag began to head over that way.

"Do what Amy and Randy suggested" I replied. "However, there will be a twist."

"Which is?" Amy asked me when the tower was very near.

"Someone is obviously guarding the flag in the tower." I said. "It will only be a matter of time before they peer out to help shoot. That will be my time to strike."

"What do you mean?" The Dauntless-born Jenny asked me curiously.

"I can pick off that person if I'm on the roof of the other tower." That got a round of gasps. "I don't know why you all are surprised. I used to hunt in Amity."

"Do it" Four told me. "Jenny will go and cover you. Amy and Randy will head to the tower with the flag. Alright everyone...we know what we're doing. Let's get this started"

A boy named Cody led the group that would engage Eric. Eric had one of his team mates throw flares as a way to give his team more light on who to target from our team. Four instructed Amy, Jenny, and I to follow him when Eric's team was fully engaged with ours. Then, Jenny and I broke off from him to head towards the right tower. Amy and Randy broke off on the other side.

Jenny and I split when we went down a path of old gaming kiosks. I heard foot steps and I stealthily moved around it as I heard the steps. The old huntress from within was enjoying this. I heard Jenny gasped, which signaled me that she got caught. I peered around the kiosk and saw Nate holding a gun at her.

"Tell me if this hurts" He sneered.

"You first" I said before I shot him in the chest.

"Bitch!" He spat as he fell.

"Asshole" Jenny said as she shot him in the ass.

We both ran to the right tower. I ran up the stairs first with my gun drawn. I didn't know if they would have anyone in this tower. Jenny covered me. I cautiously opened the hatch that lead into the tower. I peered. There was no one in it. I got out and kept myself low. I didn't want anyone to know that we were in this tower too.

To my luck, there was someone standing outside on the balcony of the left tower. They were aiming their gun down. I kept low, and made my way to a shadowy corner. I cautiously stood up hoping that the shadow camouflaged me well.

I recognize the person as being a Dauntless born initiate named Zack. I took aim at him. My target was his trigger finger. He wouldn't be able to shoot if his finger hurt too much. My next aim would be his chest.

I narrowed my eyes till the trigger finger was the only thing I saw in my line of vision. Then, I pulled the trigger. It was a direct hit. He cried out in pain. Then, I quickly shot him in the back. I made the call of a crow to signal to Randy and Amy that it was their turn to storm into the tower to get the flag. A minute later, they waved the green flag above their heads. Team Four had won.


	25. Chapter 25

Jenny tapped me on my shoulder as we walked back to the train. I was walking beside Randy and Amy, who was holding the green flag that we captured from Eric's team.

"Hey Raven, I was wondering if you would like to join us." Jenny said to me.

"Who is we?" I asked curiously.

"The Dauntless born" She replied. "We're going to zip line from the Hancock Building. It's a bit of an initiation, Dauntless style."

I shook my head. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm afraid of heights."

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that"

"Can we go?" Amy asked Jenny curiously. "I have no issues with heights."

"Same here" Randy added.

Jenny turned to them. "That's nice" She said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Unfortunately, it is just Dauntless born."

Amy stopped in her tracks. "Oh, I'm sorry...I just thought I ask since you asked my non-Dauntless born friend to join you."

"She impressed us tonight."

"Oh, and we didn't" Amy said hotly. "As I recall, we were all on the same team."

"Yeah, but it was Raven's idea to scout for the flag from the top of the building." Jenny rattled off. "It was her idea to split into three different teams. It was her idea to take out the person guarding flag. What impressed us even more was how she could shoot at a trigger finger from a few feet away. No one Dauntless born is that precised."

"Well, she's a former huntress. What do you all expect?" Amy asked dryly.

Four intervened before things got intense "Alright, let's break it up"

"Well, I'll see you back in the Pit Raven." Jenny said before she turned and went in the other direction with the other Dauntless born initiates.

"What a stuck up bitch" Amy remarked when Jenny was out of ear shot. Randy chuckled, and I smirked.

The three of us went straight to our living quarters when we got back to Dauntless. We got out of our war games garb and put on clothes comfortable enough to party in. We were getting our results tonight to see if we move on to the next stage of training or have to leave Dauntless. Then, we headed into the Pit. Randy once again walked between Amy and I with an arm slung around each of us.

"Raven!" I heard my name called out. I realized it was Four. He was with three other men, who I had no idea what their names were. We both met each other halfway.

"We'll see you in a bit, Rave" Randy said as he and Amy left.

There was a brief moment of silence when it was just Four and I. Finally, he spoke. "I just want to say how good you were tonight. You showed that you were really brave. And talented"

I smiled at him. "Thank you" I raised an eyebrow slightly at the last part he said. "Talented?"

"You were amazing with the shot you made. I don't know anyone who could hit someone's trigger finger."

"Ah"

There was silence again. Then, he said "I will let you get back to your friends. I will see you later."

"See ya" I said and he walked back to the three other men he had been with earlier. I skipped to where Randy and Amy were.

We drank cider while we waiting for the other initiates to show up. Then, it was time for the reveal of who made it passed the first stage.

"If you're above the red line, you'll move onto the next stage." Max explained. "If you're below it, we won't waist any more time on you. Here are the results"

Numbers with names next to them appeared on the chart. I felt numerous hands pat my shoulders as I was ranked as fourth. I hugged Randy when he got fifth and Amy got seventh. I noticed that Dan got third and Mari was on the last space eligible to go onto the next stage. The three of us hung out in the Pit for two more hours with drinking and dancing. Then, we turned in early since we had to go to town the next morning to pick up food from Amity.

I was dreading it a little bit. I couldn't face them after what happened when I beat the shit out of Adam. I wondered how badly my reputation had been soiled by him since then. I saw a lot of people from Amity that I knew. However, they weren't there when I had snapped on Adam. I didn't make an effort to talk to them though because I would be heart broken if they didn't address me when I said hi to them. I was relieved I didn't see Adam. I was sad that I didn't see my family.

I had just finished handing a bag to the Dauntless member on top of the truck. I went back to get more bags when I saw light on it. My eyes followed the light to a hole in a bunch of crates. I walked to where I saw the light. I didn't see anyone. So, I walked around the small towers of crates. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was delighted when I saw my mom. I threw myself into her arms and hugged her hard.

"Ah, my girl" My mom said happily.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked her curiously.

"I have some things for you." She said to me. She handed me an envelope. "There is a letter from Jonas." She bent down on the ground, and retrieved a quiver. A quiver is a bag that you carry your bow and arrows in. "This is your father's. He wanted you to have it."

I took the quiver. "Can you thank him for me?" I said as I put the quiver beneath my arm. "I'm surprised that you didn't bring mine." I noticed at that point that my mom's eyes were closed. Her lip was trembling and tears were beginning to slide down her cheeks. A bad feeling came over me. "Mom, what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath. "I don't know how to say this." She began. Her voice quivered from emotion. "Your father died a week ago."

"What?" I bellowed. "How?"

"From pneumonia"

It felt like someone took a rug that had beneath my feet. My legs gave out and I fell to my knees. "Daddy" I cried softly. "Oh, no" Tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, baby" My mom said as she wrapped my arms around me.

"I'm sorry too, mom" I said tearfully as we hugged and rocked each other.


	26. Chapter 26

Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault reference

I lay in my bed sobbing when we got back to Dauntless. Mom and I's crying had attracted the attention of one of the Dauntless leaders. I don't know what his name was. He had tattoos on his neck and he had dark hair with a dark stubble on his chin. He was attractive. I preferred Four though.

"What is going on here?" The Dauntless leader had demanded of us.

"I'm sorry." My mom said apologetically. "I just wanted to talk to my daughter."

"Well, truck is packed. It is time for us to leave. So, say good bye to her now."

"I will." My mom said as she pulled me into another big hug. "Bye, baby! I miss you."

"Did you all already have dad's funeral?" I asked her quickly.

"Yes, I'm sorry baby. We did." She said as she caressed my cheek before she hurried off.

I stared after her as she left. I heard a sigh behind me, and the Dauntless leader grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me. "Come on" He said impatiently. How nice of him to treat me roughly after learning that my dad died!

My tears dried up between the time we got off the loading dock to when we got into the truck. I held my tears in until we arrived back at Dauntless. I cried the moment I got into my bed. Amy and Randy got on the bed with me to comfort me. I don't know how long I sobbed my eyes out with them saying soothing words and patting me.

"You know what we should do?" Randy finally recommended.

"What?" I asked curiously. I sniffled a bit.

"Get drunk"

"We start fear simulations tomorrow." Amy pointed out. "I don't think it's a wise idea."

"I have to agree with Amy." I said reluctantly. It was an appealing idea that could numb me of anything I was feeling right now. "I was thinking about getting another tattoo."

"Oh, that's cool!" Amy said happily. "I like that idea."

"You know what?" Randy remarked before smiling. "So, do I."

All three of us went back to the tattoo parlor located in Dauntless. I found a stencil for each of the symbols for both Amity and Dauntless. I had Tori arrange the Amity symbol to be on top and the Dauntless symbol to be on the bottom of it. It would be located on the center of my back near my neck. The tattoo symbolized two different things for me. One would be the obvious way of how I started off being in Amity and then transferred to Dauntless. The other was an inside joke. Both symbols of the two fractions looked like a campfire to represent the hunting trips I had with my father. The tattoo was my way of honoring my father's memory.

I had the pleasure of looking forward to fear simulations the next morning. I ate very little of breakfast because I was nervous what I was going to confront. We were waiting nervously as each initiate went through their simulation. By this point, there were only five of us left to go through the simulation. Mari was currently in simulation with Four watching over her.

We were taken back when two Dauntless members entered and went inside where the simulations were being held. They carried Mari out a few minutes later. She was in shock. Oh, great...I hope I wasn't next.

Four looked my way. I wasn't a good friend in that moment because I was secretly wishing he called Amy's name.

"Raven"

 _Of course,_ I thought sarcastically as I got up. I entered the room with him closing the door behind me. I went from being nervous to being uncomfortable.

"Sit down" He told me. I went to the chair and sat down. "I'm going to give you a serum that will stimulate the part of the brain responsible for fear. It's going to give you hallucinations. I will be able to see what's going on inside your head on screen."

 _I'm sorry, what?_

"You're going to see inside my head?" I asked nervously. Now I was worried that he will find out I've been raped.

"Uh-hmmm" He replied. He looked at me suspiciously. He pushed me back till my back was on the chair. "You're going to be facing your biggest fears, Raven. Just remain calm and face them." He produced a large needle with the serum attached to it.

"Is that the serum?" I asked him, getting scared before the damn simulation has even begun.

"Yes"

"Does it have to be injected?"

"Yes"

I took a deep breath. Maybe I will faint from all this and he doesn't know what is in my mind. Four was scrutinizing me. It unnerved me because it seems his eyes was piercing my soul.

"Are you afraid of needles?"

"Yes"

"I'm sorry." He said apologetically. "I wish there was another way to do this, but there isn't. You have to be injected. Or you're out." Now he was beginning to sound like Eric.

"Let's just get this over with." I said impatiently.

"I'll be gentle." He assured me. I looked at him as if he said that as a purr. He ran his fingers down the side of my neck very lightly. I must've been a cat in a past life because I tilted my head for him to continue stroking me. It was relaxing. Soothing...and that's when he decided to inject the needle into my skin. I moaned and basically held my breath the whole entire time that the needle was in me as he still needed to inject me with the serum. "Good job" He said to me, his voice butter soft. "That's one fear you faced."

"Uh-hmmmm" I mumbled. I was already feeling the effects of the serum. It didn't seem long for me to go under.

When I woke up, I gasped. I was on these five pipes assembled together that was like ten stories off the ground. I take it this is because of my fear of heights? I laid back onto the air pipes. "This is not real." I repeated. "This isn't real." However, I couldn't get over irrationality that I was still up in the air. I didn't want to jump. I would be a dumb bastard if I did.

I slowly turned myself over until I was on my stomach. Then, I got on all fours. I looked straight ahead of me. _Must. Not. Look. Down_

I kept my eye on the opening near the ledge as I crawled my way across the skyline pipes. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the ledge. I sat against the wall, looked up to the sky, and try to catch my breath. When I looked down, I found myself at Amity.

I was surrounded by wood piles. Oh, shit...I knew what was coming. Numerous Brown recluse spiders emerged from underneath the wood piles. They began to chase me. I ran as fast as I can. They weren't fans of water. So, I ran to the water hole that I made love to Jonas near. I dove in the water. As expected, the spiders stopped at the edge of the water. However, this damn fear wasn't done with me yet apparently. The next thing I knew, all the spiders merged into one big Brown recluse spider that was about the size of a two story building. It's fangs were about the length of a man's arm. I felt myself feeling faintish looking at the big bastard that had six eyes as Brown recluses have six eyes rather than eight eyes like most spiders do.

The water dries up on me. I start running again towards the woods. I rest behind a tree. I looked down to see my quiver. I know what I'm going to do. I string my bow. I got the arrows right. I was ready by the time the spider came into view. I aimed the first arrow at one of the two middle legs on the right side. It was a direct hit where I shot the arrow straight through it's leg, trapping it to the ground. I shot the second arrow into the same leg on the opposite side. I shot two more arrows in the two other middle legs. The spider was trapped now.

I dipped the last arrow tip into bug repellent. Then, I took aim at the spider's head and fired. The arrow landed straight in the middle of it's six eyes. The spider struggled and made some creepy noise that I guess is a scream. Then, it collapsed onto the ground...dead.

I collapsed myself onto my knees, exhausted. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Jonas. My stomach filled with butterflies at the sight of him and my heart gave a happy thud. I was still in love with him despite us not being together. I was happy more that he was smiling at me.

"Jonas!" I squealed in delight as I threw myself into his arms. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too" He replied, hugging me tightly. The type of hug I wanted when I saw him at Amity a few weeks ago.

I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry." I said to him. My voice broke a bit and tears sprang to my eyes.

"For what?"

"You know"

"Tell me"

"I'm sorry that I left you in Amity." I said to him tearfully. "I really him. I didn't leave because of you. I left because of Adam."

He tipped my head back, so he could see more into my face. Concern crossed his handsome features. "What do you mean?"

"I left Amity of Adam."

"Why?"

The words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell him so badly. "I was r-" I began. I realized I couldn't say the word. It was like how my mind refused to admit I was raped when it first happened. "I was ra-"

"You were what?" He asked me again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

I couldn't answer Jonas problem. Fear gripped me. He wanted for my answer, but I couldn't say the word "rape".

"What happened to you?" Jonas asked impatiently. He was beginning to look angry.

"I was ra-" I still couldn't say it. Fear gripped me of what would happen if anyone found out.

I heard Adam's voice on the wind if that wasn't bad enough. "If you tell anyone, I will kill them all."

"Nevermind" I said to Jonas.

"That's not Dauntless behavior." He reprimanded me.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not Dauntless to be afraid to tell the truth."

"We're not in Candor." I countered.

"Sometimes it takes bravery to tell the truth." Jonas said to me. "You aren't brave enough to tell me what's going on. Therefore, you're not Dauntless."

"I am too! What the fuck do you expect from me, Jonas!" I said angrily. "I was raised in Amity! I don't know how to handle any of this!"

Jonas laughed bitterly. "You're pathetic!" Then, something scary happened. Adam's voice came through Jonas' mouth. "You're very pathetic." He grabbed me and pushed me down on the bail of hay. When I looked up, I was looking up at Four.

He had a sedation dart and stabbed me in the shoulder with it. He didn't even wait for the effects to take effect. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the bail of hay on both sides of my head. Then, he started to kiss me roughly and rubbed himself against me. I sucked in my breath when I felt how hard he was against my stomach.

"Please stop" I begged as he kissed the side of my neck.

"No" Four said as he continue to kiss my neck.

"I don't want this."

"If you don't want this, show me you don't want this."

I struggled against his steel like grip on my wrists. I gasped in surprise as he started to pull my pants down. He ran his hand up my leg.

"You're not Dauntless." He said coldly to me as I felt his hand between my legs. I try to shut my legs together as hard as I could. He inserted a knee between them. "If you were, you would stop this. You won't."

"What do you mean "won't"?" I asked curiously.

"If you really wanted to stop, you would've stopped me by now." Four whispered in my ear before he gently sucked on it. "Face it, my dear. You want this"

"No, I don't." I protested. I moved my hips. I was hoping I could move away from his touch and his potential invasion. "I've told you to stop. So, please stop"

"No" He purred against my ear. "I want you. You want me. Just relax while I make love to you."

A surge of anger went through me. "Make love to me? You mean rape me!" I raised my legs and using my flexibility I swung my legs in front of him. Then, I kicked him off. When he came up, I sat up and punched him in the face. I quickly pulled my pants back on and try to run. However, the effects of the sedation serum were finally coming on. I passed out. That is when I came to from the simulation.

I woke with a start. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay." Four assured me.

For a brief second, I thought I was still in the simulation. I slapped his hand away from me. "Don't touch me!"

He held out his hands in front of him. "It's okay." He repeated. "Just relax" He sat down at the computer and looked at the screen. I felt myself turning red.

I felt ashamed of dreaming of Four about to rape me. I don't know why I dream of Four rather than Adam. That is unless my mind didn't want to reveal Adam while I was in the fear simulation. If that was the case, I had a strong mind. I hoped that Four couldn't see clearly of who was trying to sexual assault me. That would be awkward.

"What was that I stuck you with?" He asked me curiously. Oh, damn!

"A sedation dart" I replied. "It's what we use in Amity when we hunt. It puts the animal in a deep sleep, so it doesn't feel anything when it gets slaughtered."

"Do you think someone would use that if they wanted to rape someone?" He inquired.

 _Yes_ , I thought to myself glumly. "I don't know"

He looked at the computer again and there was silence between us. It stretched out. It was beginning to make me nervous.

"That was impressive how to dealt with the heights and spider." He remarked after a minute of silence.

"Thank you"

"You can go now"

I left without looking at him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

"It was horrible." Amy told me in our quarters. "I dream of all these zombies coming after me. Some of them were my relatives."

"Damn" I remarked. That would be horrible.

"I dreamed that I was getting possessed." Randy added.

"What did you dream about Raven?" Amy asked me curiously.

"Heights and spiders" I replied. I left out the part involving Jonas and Four for obvious reasons. I pulled out a letter from Jonas that my mom had given me yesterday.

"Is that from Jonas?" Randy inquired. I nodded my head.

"I didn't read it yesterday." I remarked. "I was more focused on the fact that my dad died and I didn't get to say good bye to him. Worse, he wasn't happy with me last time I saw him." I pulled the letter from the envelop and unfolded it.

"Doesn't mean he was unhappy with you when he died." Amy pointed out.

I felt tears sting my eyes at the thought of my dad not being happy with me when he died. I quickly dashed them from my eyes as I looked at the letter. "No, he was." I countered softly so they couldn't hear there was emotion in it.

"I can't believe he would still be mad at you after two weeks." Randy remarked. "He's in Amity. They're supposed to be about peace, kindness, and forgiveness. I'm sure he forgave you a few days after we saw him."

"We can always hope." I said as I read Jonas' letter.

"What does it say?" Amy asked me.

"It reads..." I began

 _Dear Gemma, or Raven. Whatever your name is these days,_

 _I couldn't believe what you did to Adam. There is such an anger there that I find appalling. I can't understand where this anger comes from. It seems to stem from Adam. I have talked to Adam about what could've happened between you two, but he says nothing other than you've become a crazy bitch. I can't believe for a second that you went from being a sweet, innocent, caring, kind, peaceful soul to being filled with hate and anger in just the few weeks you've been at Dauntless. Something happened to you. There seems to be something that happened to you. I know you want to say it, but I know you're afraid too. Don't be. Let the truth set you free. If you admit to the truth, you would be able to find peace again from within and outside._

 _I'm willing to give you a chance to explain yourself. Meet me at the door in the wall this Friday. I think you would be able to tell me more there than when we're at Amity._

 _While we're no longer together, I still want you to know that I love you. If it was possible, I would still be with you._

 _Love,_

 _Jonas_

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I read the letter out loud for Amy and Randy. I folded the letter up and put it in my dad's quiver.

"That is in four days from now." Randy remarked. "Are you going to see him?"

"I don't know." I replied as I lay on my bed. "I feel like I don't owe him an explanation for anything any more since we broke up. On the other hand, maybe we can rekindle our love and try to have a taboo relationship. We would be star crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet...minus the family feud and all the violence." I shrugged. "I'll guess I will make up my mind by Thursday."

We had more fear simulations the next day. I was dreading seeing Four because I was nervous about him asking me questions as to why I had him as part as my last simulation. I was the last one to be called in today.

I got in the chair without saying anything. He did the same thing to my neck as he did yesterday to get me to relax before injecting me with the needle. I had the first two fear simulations as I did yesterday regarding heights and spiders. I handled the height simulation as I did yesterday. However, today, I dealt with the little spiders by running to get a tub of bug repellent and spilling it out onto the spiders.

My fear of confronting my feelings started off the same as yesterday. Jonas trying to get it out of me why I left Amity. I managed to actually say something today.

"I was ravaged." I told him. He looked at me with a puzzle look.

"Ravaged? In what way?"

"The only way you can be ravaged."

His face darkened. His eyes glared at me menacingly. His lips turned into a sneer. He pulled out a knife. "You told." He hissed at me.

"I didn't! I said ravaged." I protested angrily.

"The same thing" He plunged the knife into his gut.

I screamed. "Jonas!" I cried as he fell to the ground. I knelt beside him, trying to stem the flow of blood from the wound.

"I said I would kill them all if you told." A hoarse voice came from Jonas' lips.

I looked up and gasp. The bodies of my family lay in the dirt. They were covered in blood. All because I said I was ravaged.

"It's your fault." Adam's voice purred. I felt lips on my ear. I pushed myself away. However, I felt my arm being grabbed and I was pulled back into a pair of strong arms. I was pushed down on a bed. I turned around and saw Four. He pinned me down.

"Are you Dauntless?" He asked before he started to kiss my neck.

"Yes"

"Then prove it" He said against my neck. He thrust a knee between my legs.

This time I didn't freeze like I did yesterday. I struggled to lift my arms, but Four's grip on my wrists were like steel.

"I'm going to enjoy this and so are you." He said against my lips. I felt him tug down my pants. I tried to knock him in the head with mine. The impact hurt my own head and my vision became fuzzy. I felt Four wrapped his hands around my throat and began squeeze. "I could end your life right here." He sneered before he started to strangle me. The weird part? It was Adam's voice again.

I woke up gasping. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Four. I swatted at his hand. "Get the fuck off me!"

He held out his hands in front of him as he did yesterday when I came to from the simulation. "Raven, I'm not going to hurt you... despite what happens in your fear simulation."

I put my head in my hands. "I'm so sorry." I said sincerely. I was mortified that my Dauntless instructor was in these simulations.

"It's okay." Four said dryly. He was looking at the computer screen. "You apparently have a fear that I'm going to rape and kill you. That's okay. I guess I'm a big and scary instructor."

I looked at him. "I don't have a fear of you raping and killing me." I countered him.

"Really? I think your mind disagrees with you on that. Sure, you may not think you have that fear. However, your subconsciousness says differently. I'm just trying to figure out what exactly have I done for you to fear me."

"Nothing!" I snapped at him. I scrambled out of the chair, and stood with my arms crossing my chest. "You didn't do jack shit to me. I don't know why I'm thinking this about you! Can we just deduce from the simulations that my biggest fear is being raped and murdered? Can we just take a guess that I'm scared of anyone raping and killing me?"

"Yes" Four said quietly.

"Good!" I said angrily as I stormed out.

"I didn't say you could go." He pointed out to me. "Sit back down"

I felt myself shaking with anger and humiliation as I sat back down. He took the chair next to the computer and sat down in it. He looked at me for a bit. I kept my eyes on my hands as he scrutinized me. What the hell was he hoping to see from me?

"Can I say something?" He asked me.

"Sure, aren't you the instructor?"

"There is no need to get snarky with me." He reprimanded me. "I'm just worried about you."

"Why?"


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

"Why am I concerned about you?" Four asked me, repeating part of my question. "You're acting like the other Amity members that joined Dauntless. I did research on them. Each came here escaping from something that happened to them in Amity. You don't seem any different. I know you've told me and others that nothing has happened. Personally, I think you're lying. You're not just lying to others and I. You're lying to yourself."

"What exactly am I lying about?" I challenged him.

"If nothing really happened, why are you so angry?" He replied. "Why are you having these simulations involving confronting your emotions and being raped?"

"Just because I have these simulations doesn't mean it's actually happened." I countered.

"You have a fear of spiders." He pointed out. "You were bitten by a Brown recluse spider. It's why you have a Raven on your hand to cover up the scar of the bite."

"So?"

"You beat a boy named Adam when we visited the wall a few weeks back." He added. "I know what he sounds like from when we met, and that's the voice I hear in the last two simulations."

"What's your point?" I said impatiently. I was beginning to get uncomfortable. I know where this was going and I wasn't ready to say anything.

"You've been raped." He told me. His eyes looked sympathetic. "You were raped in Amity and you came to Dauntless to get away from it. You're worried he's going to attack your family in Amity if you say anything."

My mouth dropped in surprise. Holy Hell! He's good. Too damn good

"That is a mighty fine theory you have there." I said to him, trying to keep my voice from shaking. If it shook, he knew something was up than it already was. "However, that never happened."

He looked at me without saying anything for a moment. It was freakishly unnerving. "Whatever you say" He said after a while. "You're free to leave."

I bolted up from the chair as fast as I could. I froze in my tracks when I heard him call my name. I turned around to look at him. "Yes?"

"You know where to find me when you're ready to talk." He told me. Obviously, he wasn't convinced of what I said. I rolled my eyes as soon as the door was closed behind me.

The days came and went. I spent most of the time either training or in my bed. Finally, Friday arrived. I debated if I was going to meet Jonas at the wall. I decided that I would. I was interested in what he had to say. Plus, it would be a bonus if he wanted to get back together even if we weren't supposed to because we were in different fractions.

Jonas said he wanted to meet at 9 p.m. It wasn't hard to dress all in black since that's the color of Dauntless. I made sure I wore a hoodie, so no one could see my hair and face. I jumped on the train that would take me to the wall. I didn't have to jump off it this time since there was a stop at the wall. I moved stealthily between the damaged buildings to get to the wall since I didn't want any of the Dauntless guards that protected the wall to see me. I finally found the door that I had gone through when I saw my family in Amity weeks ago. I made the sound of a Raven. I heard a bird's call in return. He was there!

I memorized the code that Four used on the security panel. I punched it in and the door opened. Jonas came through the door. He was wearing a cloak, so I couldn't see his face.

I threw myself into his arms. "I've missed you" I whispered as I hugged him tightly. "Have you missed me?" Jonas didn't say anything. Just nodded his head. "How have you been?" He titled his hand back and forth that indicated "so so". "I guess my dad's death hit you too." I mused. He nodded. Why wasn't he talking? "Obviously, I got your note. What did you want to talk about?"

He kept me to his. However, he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "I want to talk about this!" He began softly before he stabbed me with something in back. He pushed me away from him. I reached behind me and pulled out the dart. It was a sedation dart. Oh, no

I reluctantly looked up to see that I was staring up into Adam. He was smiling. "This was easy." He mused. "I can't believe how stupid you were to fall for it."

I began to move away from him as he stalked me. The effects of the dart were already working. He went into to grab me, but I jumped kicked him in the face. He slapped me across the face hard. The impact cause my vision to blur, although I'm sure some of that was from the sedation dart. He pushed me onto the concrete before I had time to recover. He straddled my hips and held my wrists on either side of my head.

Fear gave in to anger. I wasn't going to let this happen again. I bit into his shoulder and he cried out in pain. He smacked me a few times across the face before he punched me. He pulled out a knife and held it to my throat.

"If you do that again, I will kill you right here." He threatened with his lips near my ear. He sucked on the ear lobe. I frozed right there. I felt ashamed for freezing. However, he had a knife at my throat. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

As I passed out, he had begun taking off my pants. When I came to however amount of minutes had passed, he was standing up and zipping up his pants. My pants were already back on. However, I felt very wet and sore between my legs. It happened again. He raped me for the second time in less than two months. I was an initiate in Dauntless and I couldn't even stop him.

I saw that he had left the knife on the ground. What a dumb move! I may not have stopped him from raping me. However, I will kill him. I grabbed the knife and launched myself at him. I aimed for his back. He heard me coming unfortunately. He turned around and side stepped. He kicked the knife out of my hand before grabbed me behind my neck and slamming me into the wall...face first. I stumbled back and he kicked me in the chest.

I fell to the ground holding my chest. I was having trouble breathing. It came out in gasps. He punched me again in the face and I ended up on my back again on the ground. He took turns between kicking me in my stomach and in my chest.

"Please stop!" I begged him. There was a gurgle sound, and blood flowed out of my mouth.

"You're pathetic!" He snarled. "You thought you could get away from me in Amity by joining Dauntless. Well, I got you too even though you're in Dauntless now. You're not exactly Dauntless material, are you now?" He kicked me again in the chest and I heard a snap. More blood flowed from my mouth. I was going to die right here.

"What's going on there?" I heard someone shout. I was lucky the guards heard something.

Adam had a look of panic on his face. He didn't want to be caught. "See you again, babe" He said as he knelt beside. He pressed his lips against mine and went through the door. He closed it behind him.

I lay on the ground panting for air with a strong taste of copper in my mouth. My vision was blurry. There was a ringing in my ears. I saw a few blurry figures surround me that had Dauntless uniforms on. One of the knelt beside me and took my pulse. "Let's get her to the medical ward!" was the last thing I heard before darkness overcame me.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

I woke up to being in pain. It felt like I was breathing in cement. My throat was sore. The taste of copper was heavy in my mouth. My left eye seemed a bit swollen. I was sore between my legs.

I had an oxygen mask on that covered my mouth and nose. I was hooked up to an IV. I had a heart monitor on my finger.

Tears sprung to my eyes. I winced because there was a cut near the right eye and on my right cheek. The tears cause them to burn.

I was crying for a few reasons. One was that I was relieved to be alive. I could've died from the injuries I sustained from Adam beating me. Two was that I had been raped once more. Three was that I couldn't stop Adam from attacking me despite being in Dauntless. The thing that got to me again was that Adam still got to me. How could I be so god damn stupid!

"Shhh! It is okay." I heard a familiar female voice said softly. I looked up and saw Amy. Randy, Dan, and Mari were standing behind her. I covered my face in embarrassment. Shit!

"How are you feeling?" Randy asked me curiously.

"Like I got dropped on my ass" I replied honestly. "How do I look?" I had just remember being slammed into the wall face first.

"Bruised and cut up" Mari said softly.

"How long have I been out?"

"A week" Dan told me.

"Oh, my God!" I exclaimed and winced as I felt like I was being punched in the lungs. "I'm going to be cut!"

"No, you're not." Randy assured me. "Luckily, we haven't had a fear simulation this week."

"You didn't miss anything." Amy added.

"Leadership wants to talk to you though about what happened." Dan pointed out.

"Oh, great!" I said sarcastically.

"Well, they do want to know what happened. Everyone wants to know what happened."

"Of course"

"We should go." Amy said to the others. "You should get some rest." She hugged me gently. All four of them left me. I went back to sleep despite I had been out for a week.

When I woke up again, I saw Jo injecting something into my IV. "It is morphine." She explained when she saw that I was awake. "It's to help with the pain." I nodded. She didn't say anything to me as she opened up my black hospital shirt. She undid the dressing that surrounded my breasts and part of my stomach. I gasped when I look down. There were a few ball size bruises on my torsos. I felt a lump in my throat and tears sting my eyes.

"This is going to hurt." She warned me as she pressed on those bruises. I yelped in pain. "It's still tender." She remarked. Then, she wrapped me back up and buttoned up my hospital shirt. "How are you feeling?"

"I could be better."

"I know." She said sympathetically. "It's going to be this way for a while." She paused for a bit. "Leadership wants to see you as soon as you're awake. I will take you to Max's office."

"I'm not ready to talk to them yet." I told her.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. They need to talk to you about the attack."

I sighed. I winced from sighing. "Alright"

"You have a few broken ribs." Jo remarked. "That's why it hurts for you to breath."

A few minutes later, Jo was pushing me to Max's office in a wheel chair. Eric and Four were there too. There were three other Dauntless members in there.

"Nice of you to join us" Eric said dryly as Jo wheeled me up to Max's desk.

Max sat down across from me. Eric stood at his side. Four took a chair that was to my right. Jo sat in the chair to the left. The three other members of Dauntless stood behind us.

"Now, let's get down to business." Max began. "Raven, you were found by the door in the wall. This is the same door you went through to see your family from Amity a few weeks ago. The three behind you found you beaten and unconscious there. Raven, we would like to know what happened from your side of things."

"Yeah, like what you were doing there in the first place." Eric asked me dryly.

I took a deep breath. Something told me I was going to get into trouble for this. "I was meeting up with my ex."

"The one from Amity?"

"How many exes do I have?" I asked in the same dry tone.

"Just answer the question"

"Yes"

"Why were you meeting him?" Max asked me curiously.

"It sounded like he wanted to get back together with me."

"It?"

"There was a letter from him. Or I thought it was from him, at least."

"It wasn't Jonas who did this to you?" Eric asked me.

"No"

"Do you know who did this to you?"

I thought for a moment. "No" I lied.

I heard Four sigh beside me. "I think you do." Four countered. "Whoever did this knew you. They used a letter by Jonas to lure you out."

"Do you know the person who did this?" Max asked again.

"No" I lied again. "I didn't see who it was."

Eric and Max looked at each other. I don't think they brought what I said. "Are you sure?" Max asked me. "It doesn't help anyone when you don't tell the truth."

"I really don't know who did this to me, okay" I said defensively.

Max looked at me for a bit. Then, he turned his focus onto Jo. "What did you find when you examined her?"

"She has a few broken ribs." Jo replied. "She has some internal bleeding. She has multiple bruises and cuts over her body." She paused for a bit. "She had more tearing with semen. It matches the tears I found a few weeks ago. I think she was raped."

I felt myself blush. They all turned their attention to me again. Max leaned forward to me. He had a grave look on his face. "Were you raped?" He asked me seriously.

"I don't know." I said. My voice trembled a bit. "I don't remember anything. He used a sedation dart on me."

"When she has her last fear simulation, she sees an attacker use a sedation dart on her." Four pointed out. I glared at him. I felt like he threw me underneath the bus.

"Have you been raped before?" Max asked curiously.

"No" I lied.

"Not even before you joined Dauntless?"

"No"

"The reason why I asked this is because if you did get raped prior to the test, you would be eligible to return to your old fraction." Max explained. "This would be seen as you escaping Amity to get away from your attacker."

"Nothing happened." I assured him.

There was silence for a while as everyone scrutinized me. Finally, Max shrugged. "Alright,well you're on house arrest this week." He told me. "You're not suppose to leave Dauntless much when you're an initiate without having a member accompanying you."

"Alright" I said glumly. That was fair. Besides, it would keep me safe.

"Thank you for your time Raven." He said as he got up and shook my hand. "I think you had all these things happen to you. However, I have to respect what you say. Just know that you're not helping anyone out by remaining silent."

"Okay" I said softly.

"We're done here." Max said.

Jo wheeled me out of the room. I watched as the three Dauntless members that guarded the wall pass us. Then, Eric passed us. He gave me a look before he proceeded to walk. Four was about to pass us. I wanted to confront him about throwing me under the bus.

"Can you give us a moment?" I asked her. She gave me a weird look.

"Sure" She replied. She went down to the end of the tunnel to the left. It had a dead end. She could still see me, but she was out of hearing range.

By the time she had gotten to that dead end, Four had just passed me. "Thank you for throwing me under the bus." I said bitterly.

He turned around and he looked like I had just kicked him in the face. "Excuse me?"

I tried to stand up from the wheel chair, but I felt too nauseous and sat hard in the chair. "You heard what I said."

He put his hands on his hips. "How did I throw you underneath the bus?"

"You fucking told them that there was a sedation dart in my last fear simulation." I pointed out to him angrily.

"Yeah, and?"

"You made them suspicious that I had been raped before!"

"Uh...no, sweet heart. Throwing you under the bus would've been actually telling them that you fear being raped in that last simulation. If I recall correctly, I didn't say that. I was just pointing out to Max and Eric that you do see a sedation dart in the simulation. That is all."

Well, damn...he had me there.

"What do you have to say to that?" He asked me darkly.

I felt stupid. Really truly stupid. "Nothing" I said softly. I looked down on my feet.

He put two fingers beneath my chin, and had me looked up at him. "It's okay. I understand you. You don't feel that great about what happened to you. You don't feel happy towards yourself. So, you're taking your anger out on me." Again, I had nothing to say to that. "When you feel better, we can have that chat because I know your lying. And just to give you a warning...I will get the information from you one way or another."

Of course, he would. He works in the intelligence department within Dauntless. They know everything. Well, after those in Erudite at least.

Tears fill my eyes once again. This time was because I felt guilty. He was right. I was taking my anger out of him. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"You know why."

"Yes, but I want you to verbalize it."

"I'm sorry that I'm taking my anger out on you and blaming you for something you didn't do."

He looked at me for a bit. "Apology accepted". Then, he walked away. Jo emerged quickly after that and she wheeled me back to the medical ward.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

I stayed in the medical ward for a few more days. Then, Jo finally released me. I was to go to the medical once a day to get a round of antibiotics. It still hurt to breath, but not as badly as it did before. Today was the first time I resume doing fear simulations again. I was dreading it. I was the last one to go into simulations again.

I went into the room with my head held high even though my stomach was threatening to come out of my mouth. I sat down and braced myself. Four took the serum and injected it into my neck.

"Let's play a game" He said as he sat down. "It's called Secrets."

"I don't want to play."

"Ah...but I do."

Was this a part of the simulation? Why wasn't I getting tired yet as I normally do when I go through a fear simulation?

"You know why I think something happened to you before you joined Dauntless?" He asked me curiously.

"No" I replied. I noticed I felt compelled to answer that.

"It's because I recognize the anger you have."

"Okay"

"You see...I recognize that anger within you because I was angry too when I joined Dauntless."

"That answers my question regarding if you are Dauntless born or a transfer." I remarked dryly.

"Yes" He purred. "I was a transferred. Do you want to know from which fraction?"

I didn't want to be interested. However, I was. "Yes"

"I was from Abnegation."

That surprised me. "You were a Stiff?"

"Yes, a Stiff"

I looked at him from head to toe. "I can't see you being a Stiff."

"Well, good thing I joined Dauntless then" He said dryly. "You want to know why I left Abnegation?"

"Yes"

"My father abused me." He confessed. Something told me that he was reluctant to tell me that piece of information. However, I guess that's why he called this game of his "Secrets". "So, I joined Dauntless to get the fuck away from him. I had another reason to join."

"What was it?" I asked him curiously.

"I wanted to kill him." He replied, venom in his words. "I wanted to learn all the ways to kill a person, so I can kill him."

"What about your mom?"

"She left me with my dad because he was abusing her too. She faked her death as a way to get away from him and not have him track her down."

"I can't believe she left you behind!" I exclaimed. What a shitty thing to do to your own child!

"Well, she did." He went on. "I found out she was leading the Fraction-less after I made it into Dauntless. We met, but things didn't go well. So, we're not on good terms right now."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said sincerely. Then, it hit me. "Wait, your mother is Evelyn Eaton?"

"Yeah, and?"

The next realization hit me like a sack of bricks. "Your father is Marcus Eaton! You're his son!"

"Yes, and no one else must know that. Another secret of mine I'm willing to share with you."

"So, Erudite is right about what they say about your father? That he abused you."

"Yes, why?"

"Abnegation is denying it."

He blinked at me like he couldn't believe how stupid I was. "You're surprised by this? He is the leader of Abnegation too."

"I can't believe it!" I said in disbelief. "How come you don't verify those rumors?"

"What do you think will happen if I do?" He countered dryly. "My dad is leader of us all. He would deny it. Manipulate other people into thinking it didn't happen. Not to mention, probably have someone in this fraction kill me for trying to out him. So, no...it's wise I remain quiet about this." He leaned forward a bit in his chair. "Now, your turn"

"For?"

"To reveal your secrets to me since I revealed mine to you"

"Maybe some other time" I said as I patted his hand. "I'm about to go through the simulation." It was then that I realized that I wasn't going under like I should've. Or maybe I already had and didn't realize it. I pinched my right leg with my fingers on the right hand. It hurt. I was still here. "Why am I not getting tired enough to go through the simulation."

A devious smile spread on Four's face. "Do you fear me raping and killing you?"

"No" I replied easily.

"Then, why am I in your last fear simulation?"

"Because I fear getting raped and killed?"

"But why don't you do anything about it?"

"Why would I want to stop if you're on me?" I retorted. Then, I slammed a hand over my mouth. Did I just say that? I could feel my cheeks turning red.

Four leaned himself closer so his face was a mere few inches from mine. "You want to be under me?"

 _Say no_ , I told myself. Yet, I felt compelled to say "Yes"

"Interesting" Four purred. "You don't fear intimacy with men despite you have been raped recently?"

"No, I wouldn't mind having sex with you." Oh, my God! I didn't just say that!

"Really?" He said intrigued.

"I guess that makes me a bad person."

"Why you say that?"

"Well, I've been raped. I've heard women being raped not wanting to have sex with men. In fact, they become so scared of men that they stop having sex with them."

"Depends how the rape was." He remarked. "Tell me what happened recently"

"He stuck me with a simulation dart." I recounted. I began to get nervous at what was about to come out of my mouth. "I only remember him pinning me down and pulling down my pants. That is it. I don't remember being raped. Just before and after"

"What happened when you came to?"

I felt tears sting my eyes. "I remember him zipping his pants up. I felt really wet down there like he raped me. I felt that before."

"Before? Did this happen to you before?"

Uh, oh...I felt compelled to tell him the truth. However, I couldn't say it. I wouldn't say it. I resisted it. I was hit by pain. I whimpered as it felt there was fire running through my veins.

"The more you resist, the more the serum will become painful." Four informed me.

"Is that what it is? Truth serum! You injected me with Truth serum!" I asked him, furious.

"Yes" He admitted easily. "Now, did this happen to you before?"

No, I couldn't do this. I just couldn't. I resisted. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping for leverage. I didn't get any. Finally, I cried out "Yes". Tears ran down my face.

Four took my hand, and gave it a squeeze. "When?"

No, no, no, no, and no

"When?" Four repeated.

"I can't."

"You have to. You will endure unbearable pain if you don't tell me."

"I hate you for this." I growled at him.

"I bet not as much as your attacker." He remarked.

"Yes, I hate him more."

"So, tell me when Raven"

I whimpered when I refuse to answer the question until the pain became too much where I thought I would pass out. "Two days before I took the test"

"When you were still in Amity?"

"Yes" I sobbed. I hated myself in that moment. "Are you fucking happy?"

He caressed my cheek. "Why would I be happy about you being raped in Amity?"

"Well, I mean that you are happy about me confessing about it finally...even though I was drugged into saying it."

"I wouldn't describe the feeling as being happy." He remarked. "Content that you finally admitted something happened...yes."

He leaned back into his chair. "So, the most important question of them all...who raped you?"

Nope, can't say it. Won't say it! I whimpered as pain consume me once again. "I can't."

"I told you that my father abused me. Your turn to tell me who raped you."

I struggled. I didn't want to say the name. I made odd noises as I struggled to keep from telling the truth. They were screamless screams? Whimpers? Hoarse cries? I don't know. Sounds I never made before, I can tell you that.

He leaned back my way again. His eye bore into mine. "Who?"

Tears slid down my face and I gave a noiseless sob. I gripped my arms until the nails dug into my skin. Luckily, my nails weren't long enough to do damage since I bite my nails a lot.

"You're not helping anyone by being silent on who did this to you." Four pointed out.

I panted as the pain became intense. Fear and pain turned into anger for me right there. "Why the fuck do people keep saying that to me?" I asked angrily.

"He might have more victims." He replied. "Or he can be prevented from getting more."

That made sense. I wanted to say who so bad. However, I feared for my family and Jonas. Another screamless cry left my lips. My ears were beginning to ring.

Four grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me a little bit. "Tell me! Who raped you?" He demanded.

"Aaad" Was all that I could manage out.

"Adam?" He ventured the guess. I couldn't stop myself from nodding my head. Then, the pain went away just like that. I lay in my chair panting and sweating.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for Sexual Assault/Rape**

I didn't know if I passed out or fell asleep. When I woke, I was laying in bed. There was a lot of light in the room. It was then that I wasn't sleeping in my bed in the living quarters. I was in someone else's bed. I bolted up.

The room was spacious. It looked like it had been originally a work office prior to the war that had been converted into personal living quarters. There were huge windows that hugged one wall of the room. I closed my eyes a bit as the sun was in my face. Luckily, the sun wasn't strong at this day of time. The sun was at it's strongest when it was between ten in the morning and two in the afternoon. The sun had an orange hue to it right now rather than a blinding bright yellow. I was guessing it was near evening like between five and seven. How long had I been out?

I heard foot steps. I opened my eyes and saw Four approach me. "Where am I?" I asked him curiously. I noticed there was a slight edge to my voice. I guess I was a bit unnerve to wake up in a room I never been in before.

"My apartment" He replied as he sat down on the bed next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better, just groggy"

"You've been asleep for a while."

"Did I pass out?"

"No, you just fell asleep. I let you sleep."

"How did I get up here?"

"I carried you."

"That must've been a sight to see." I remarked dryly.

"I made sure no one saw us."

I didn't know whether to be afraid of that statement or not. If he wanted to hurt me or otherwise, no one would know I was with him when he did it.

"You look afraid." He observed.

"I guess I'm still rattled by what has happened lately:" I said as I got out of bed. Even though I told him I would be willing to sleep with him, I wasn't ready for sex right now. The soreness between my legs reminded me of that painfully.

"I don't blame you." He said as he got up and opened a see through door that lead out to the balcony. "Come, you look like you need some air." He put his hand on the small of my back and guided me outside.

The view was beautiful. The air was refreshing. It felt good on my skin and my lungs felt a bit better inhaling the cool air.

"I guess I still feel a bit raw." I remarked after there was silence between us for a minute. "I also feel like I've been exposed."

"Doesn't it feel better to get it off your chest though?"

"A little bit" I said before I rubbed my head with the back of my hand. I winced when I accidentally rubbed my hand against my black eye. "I'm sorry I didn't do my fear simulation today."

"Even if you didn't do a typical simulation, you did confront a fear of yours."

"Well, I wasn't willing now was I?" I said dryly. I glared at him for giving me the Truth serum.

"I just wanted to show you nothing bad will happen because you confess the truth to one person."

"It's not telling the truth I'm afraid of." I countered him. "It's confronting my feelings over what has happened to me."

"Same thing"

I shooked my head and went back to looking at the view. "How am I going to get through that by the way when I take the final? I can't exactly take a truth serum that will make me tell the truth."

"Well, I'm hoping that what you learned from having the Truth serum injected will help you face your fear."

"And the very last fear? What exactly am I suppose to do?"

"Try to fight back" He said coldly.

I felt a flash of anger course through me. "Really? Fight back?" I said angrily. "Why the fuck do you think this happened?" I waved a hand around my face and down my body. "I tried to fight back and I ended up almost being beaten to death." I turned away from him as tears filled my eyes and spilled out onto my cheeks. I felt myself tremble in rage.

He put his hands on my shoulders and began to gently massage them. I tried to shrug out of his touch. He pulled me back into his body and his arms went around me. "I can teach you." I felt him kissing the top of my head. "By the time you do the finals, you will be ready. Are you willing to learn?"

I can take anything at this point. "Yes"

"We can do it up here." He said, indicating his apartment. "I feel like it would better to do here than the Pit. We might get a lot of raised eyebrows and questions."

"Agreed"

He pressed his lips against my ear. "Do you want to start today or wait tomorrow?"

"We can start today." I replied. I cried out when he lifted me up and carried me back into the apartment. "I can walk, you know."

"I know." He said as he set me down. "I'll be back in a bit." He was gone for a few minutes, and then he came in dragging a mat. "I use this when I want to work out or stretch." He explained as he placed it evenly on the floor. He got down on it, and lay on his back. "Get on me"

I felt my cheeks heating up as I mounted him. If someone were to see us right now, they would be amused or confused at the same time. Confused because they would wonder what the hell we're doing. Amused because it was probably a sight to behold seeing my four foot eleven frame lay on his six foot one.

"Grab my wrists and pin them to the mat." He ordered me. "Just like in your fear landscape"

I grabbed his wrists. They were thick and felt huge in my small palms.

"Now, put one of your legs between both of mine"

I felt myself turning red again as I did as he said. I noticed he had a look of amusement on his face.

"Now, kiss my neck"

I sat up, releasing his wrists."What?"

"Do it" He instructed.

I raise an eyebrow at me. "I think you just want some sugar from me while you teach me this stuff."

He had a guilty look on his face, and a boyish smile. "Possibily"

I resumed holding his wrists to the mat and I began to kiss his neck. He smelled so good that I just wanted to bury my nose into his neck. Now, it was his time to pause as I did many times in the fear simulation. He sucked in a breath. If I hadn't blushed enough already, I did when I felt him becoming hard against my knee.

"First of all, where are my legs?" He asked gruffly. I sat up again and looked at him like he lost his mind.

"On your body?"

"No, where are they placed beneath you?"

"There is one between my legs and the other is just outside my other leg." I observed.

"When someone is on you like this, you go for the groin." He explain. "You knee them hard. It will cause them to let go of you and cup themselves. That is your chance to punch them as hard as you can in their face or go for their eyes. Then, you knock them off of you."

"Okay" I said, taking a deep breath. The deep breath turned into a lump in my throat. "Why didn't I think of that?" I said as the lump turned into tears. I buried my face into my hands.

I felt him sat up, and he gently took my hands away from my face. "How could've you known that when you were in Amity?" He pointed out gently. "How could've you known that even after joining Dauntless? You have only been here for less than two months. No one ever taught you what to do if you were." He brushed a finger down the side of my face that wasn't bruised. "Don't beat yourself up over something that you didn't know how to do. Besides, I think the most important lesson you can learn from all this is that this ISN'T your fault."

I smiled at him. "Thank you"

"You're welcome" He said tenderly. Then, he got serious. "Now, I will show you."

"I don't think it's wise to knee me in the groin." I warned him. "I'm still sore as hell."

"I won't use force. I'm not going to do what I did when Eric and I were teaching you all to fight."

"Oh, that's good" I remarked.

"Now, press my wrists to the mat as hard as you can and start kissing my neck"

I did what he said. He raised his leg and gently hit me in my groin area. Even though he didn't knee me hard, I was sore enough for it to tingle. I let go of his wrists so I can cup myself. He swung his fist and gently nudge me in my head. Then, he pushed me off him...which was probably the roughest thing he did to me.

"Understand?"

"Yep"

"Your turn to be on the bottom"


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for references of Sexual Assault/Rape**

I met Four in his apartment for lessons on how to defend myself against rape and assault for the next two weeks. He always had me to last during fear simulations, so that we could sneak up to his place. I was getting better. I was getting more confident. It showed when I did the last fear now in the simulation. I was getting burned out though on it.

"I need a break." I told Four when we finished doing my fear simulation.

"From me?" He asked sarcastically.

"No, these lessons" I replied. "I figured I can work on my archery. It has been a while."

"Oh, go ahead" He said dryly. "Have fun" He seemed hurt.

"Want to join me?"

He looked up at me. "I never shot an arrow before."

"I can teach you. Meet me where we learned how to shoot guns."

He smiled at me. "Okay"

It didn't take me long to go back to my living quarters and retrieve my dad's quiver from beneath my mattress. No one was in there, so I didn't have to make excuses of where I was going. They were probably training or something. I joined Four on the roof. The line of dummies were lined up across from us on the other building.

"First, we string the bow." I explained to him. I got out the bow from the quiver. You had to put the string up to the other side of the bow. It made the string taunt. However, it was a pain in the ass to put the hole of the string into the hook at the other end of the bow. It took me two minutes to do it, but I was relieve when I finally did it.

"Next, put on your gauntlet." I went on. I slid it on my left wrist. "This protects your wrist from the string of the bow." I picked up an arrow, and put the end of it on the string of the bow. "This is no different than aiming a gun. You look at the end of the point and the target. Pull back on the string, and fired." I sent the arrow directly where the human heart would be on the dummy.

"Sounds easy" Four remarked. I handed him the bow. I took off the gauntlet. I put it on his left wrist. "It's a bit small."

"Of course, it is. I'm small myself."

He smiled at me as he put the end of the arrow on the bow's string. He pulled back on the string. He fired it. The arrow didn't even make it to the other building. I busted out laughing. I covered my mouth. "I'm sorry." I apologized, giggling a bit.

"Sure you are" He said sarcastically.

"Come here" I said as I gave him another arrow. I stood behind him. When he put the arrow onto the string, I put my hands on his. I help guide his hands as we pulled back on the bow and shot the arrow to the dummy on the other building. "You didn't pull back on the arrow far enough the first time around." I explained. He smiled at me.

We shot off a few more arrows. I did a lot better than him, although he did a great job himself for a beginner.

"I'm going to hang out with my friends." I said when we were finished on the roof. "I haven't been around them lately and I don't want them to think I don't like them any more."

He caressed my cheek. "Okay" He said softly. "You know where I am if you need me."

"Thanks" I said before we hugged each other.

I found Amy and Randy in the living quarters for the initiates. There wasn't many initiates at this point of training. We lost half of them after the first stage. Now, there was only nine more left. A few more had been cut by Eric after not being able to recover from their fear simulation after the second week of the second stage.

"Hey, there you are!" Randy said happily as he got up to hug me. "We've been worried about you."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around lately." I said apologetically.

"It's okay." Amy assured me. "We know you've been through a lot."

I put my quiver underneath the mattress of my bed. "So, what are everyone's plans tonight?"

"We're going to get drunk and play drinking games." Randy replied.

"That sounds like fun." I heard Dan remark. He and Mari were on the other side of the living quarters.

"I'll play too if it's alright." Nate said as he came out of the bathroom.

"Sure" Amy said happily. "The more, the merrier"

We all headed to the mess hall to get cups. Then, the boys sneaked into where they kept the alcohol and stole a few bottles of hard liqueur. They got vodka, Scotch, and Rum. These bottles had been in a bunker during the war. They were the last few of their kind. There was a rule that said that anyone below the age of eighteen couldn't drink them. Hence, why the boys stole them. Meanwhile, us girls got some pitches of soda and juice. We were going to mix the booze in them, so that the adults didn't think we were drinking. The boys quickly put the rum into the cola soda while they put the vodka in the juice. The brave souls would drink Scotch on it's own. The boys quickly took the bottles back to the place where the alcohol was kept.

We played the drinking game "I never" in the mess hall. Of course, we didn't play the game if an adult was approaching us. We would pretend to have a conversation until the adult left. It wasn't easy since there were a lot of them.

"I never hunted." Amy said. Well, damn...I was the only one that took a drink.

"I never shot a gun." Randy went next. That was all six of us that drank.

"I never threw a knife." Nate said. Again, all six of us drank. Then, I noticed Eric was coming near us.

"So, that's why it wouldn't be wise if we jumped in water on the day of our imitation." I began to explain, referring to our first day at Dauntless when we were about to jump off the building. "We would've die or had our legs broken."

"Ah" The other five mused in unison. Eric stopped by our table and looked at us skeptically.

"What are you six up to?" He asked us suspiciously.

"Nothing" All of us replied in unison.

"Uh huh" He remarked skeptically. "Why do I smell alcohol?"

Amy pointed to the two tables away that had adults. "They're drinking."

Eric looked at them. Then, he looked at us. He shook his head, and left us alone.

"Whew! That was close." Mari said softly.

"Maybe we should continue this in our quarters." Dan recommended.

We acted normal as we left the mess hall. On the way to the quarters, however, was anything but normal. Amy, Randy, Mari, and I were dancing in a line while singing an old fashioned dance song. Amy and Mari kept messing up. Dan and Nate walked behind us, pretending to not know us.

We put Randy and Amy's bed together with mine. That way, all seven of us could sit on the beds in a circle. Four didn't drink while the rest of us did. He didn't even participate in Truth and Dare. He just watched us drink and look foolish while we played this old fashioned game.

"Raven" Randy purred. He had a funny look on his face. "Truth or dare"

"Truth" I replied.

He smiled. "I'm going to give you three people." He began. "You have to kiss one, marry the other, and throw the last off a rooftop. Alright?" I nodded. "I'm giving you Max, Eric, and Four."

"Easy" I mused. "I will kiss Max, marry Four, and throw Eric off the rooftop into a pile of shit."

"Amy, truth or dare" Dan asked curiously.

"Dare"

"Oohh, I dare you to find Eric and moon him!"

"Pass!" Amy protested. "I don't want to get cut."

"You don't have to go right up to him. Just do it in his presence. He doesn't have to see you."

"Hmmmm...it is risky. A type of risk I can take." She smiled at him. "Alright, I'll do it!"

We all went with her to find Eric. He was in the pit working out. We hid in the shadows while she stood behind a wall and mooned his way. It took a lot of effort to not bust out laughing. We all headed back to the quarters to resume the game.

It was interesting. Most of the dares involved either Amy or Mari showing their tits, moonings, streaking through the halls at Dauntless, and being asked to make out with someone. Nate did a good job making sure that Amy didn't make out with Randy and Mari didn't make out with Dan. He had Mari kiss Randy and Amy kiss Dan, which you can imagine how awkward it was for them to watch their girlfriend or boyfriend make out with someone else. The truths consisted of sex talk.

So, you can imagine I wasn't surprised when Randy finally dared me to make out with Nate. I glared at him. He knew I didn't like Nate. I would rather kiss Dan over Nate any day of the week. I took a deep breath and I let him pull me to him to kiss me. I didn't like it. His tongue plundered my mouth till the point where I thought I would gag on his tongue. I would get back at Randy for giving me that dare. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be in this game since I wasn't giving Randy the dares. He was getting that from Amy.

I hadn't been surprised either when I was what had happened to me that caused me to leave Amity. After the recent attack, people were more convinced now that something had happened in my old fraction.

I braced myself. Maybe this would be practice for the final. "I was raped." I admitted. They didn't seem shock by that considering I was raped recently.

"Was it by the same person that attacked you recently?" Randy asked me curiously.

"Yeah"

"Is it someone from Amity?" Mari inquired.

"Yeah"

"I can't believe that!" Dan exclaimed in disbelief. "I can't believe someone from Amity would do that to someone."

"Why?" Nate asked dryly. "Look at Marcus Eaton. There is a rumor about him beating his own son. So, he left Abnegation."

"Which fraction did he transfer to?" Amy asked curiously.

 _Dauntless_ , I thought to myself.

In a spooky voice, Nate said "Nobody knows!"

 _I know_ , I thought again to myself.

"That's all you hear about Erudite." Randy remarked. "Marcus Eaton abusing his son. He actually manipulates the Stiffs into thinking that it never happened. I feel bad for his son."

I don't know why, but I began to feel uncomfortable that they were talking about Four's father. I knew Four's dark secret that he was very reluctant to tell everyone about. So, I decided to change the subject back onto myself because I wanted it to be known. This was something that I didn't tell Four.

"My attacker wasn't Amity born." I corrected an earlier mentioned tid bit that someone from Amity would do an attack upon another person like what happened to me. "He was from Dauntless."

"No!" Dan said in disbelief. "Who is it?"

Now I found myself reluctant to say who it was. I didn't want any of them to blab to leadership about who attacked me.

"I forgot his name." I lied. "What I can tell you all is that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He said the reason why he joined Amity was that the women there would be easily manipulated and controlled into doing what he wanted. He tried to attack a woman from Dauntless before, but she beat the shit out of him."

"That is fucked up!" Randy exclaimed.

"It is." I agreed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for references of Sexual Assault/Rape. Also, this is NSFW as it contains graphic sexual references**

I had just finished coming from the medical ward. Jo wanted to examine me to see if I was healing nicely. I was. In fact, she told me that I could start having sex again. That is, if I wanted to.

We only had two weeks left before the final fear simulation. I was getting better at dealing with the last fear. It was still Four attacking me rather than Adam. However, I wasn't freezing any more. Then, a few days ago, being reluctant to confront my feelings became my worst fear.

I went back up to Four's apartment after we were done with my fear simulation. I needed fresh air as I always did after going through a simulation. I stood out on the balcony looking at the view.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked me a few minutes later.

"Yeah" I replied.

I was wearing a black tank top. I felt him brush the area just beneath my neck. "Can I see your tattoo?" He asked me curiously.

"Sure"

He pull down the material down. He gently brushed the two symbols of Amity and Dauntless with his fingers.

"You like them?"

"Yeah"

"There are two meanings behind the way they are placed." I remarked.

"Oh, yeah? What are they?"

"Well, Amity is my old fraction. Dauntless is my new fraction. That is one of the meanings of the tattoo."

"You don't say?" Four said sarcastically. "What is the other meaning?"

"It symbolizes the great times I had with my family in Amity." I explained. "When we went on hunting trips, I enjoyed sitting around the campfire with my family." I felt a lump in my throat begin to grow. "I did that tattoo in honor of my father."

I felt a few tears slide down my cheek. I wiped them away in embarrassment. He put an arm around my shoulders and brought me close to him. "It's okay." He whispered.

I only cried for a little bit. I was on the verge of getting sick of crying all the time. It felt like I did so much of it for nearly two months. I looked up at him, and noticed his tattoo on his neck.

"Can I see your tat?" I asked.

"Sure" He replied as he turned away from me and took off his shirt. Good Lord! I sucked in a breath at how gorgeous his back was. It was like someone had sculpted it.

The tattoo covered his whole entire back. In the middle of his back where his spine was were the five symbols for the five fractions.

"This is awesome." I mused. I ran my hand down his back where my hand followed the five fraction symbols. It was his turn to suck in a breath when I began to trace each symbol lightly with my finger.

"You're playing with fire." He warned me.

"Am I? In what way?" I asked innocently.

"You know why." He said gruffly.

"Want me to stop?"

"No" He replied quickly. Then, he added "I want to be all five fractions. I want to be brave. I want to be honest. I want to be self-less. I want to be smart. I want to be kind." Then, he added "I'm still working on kind."

"I think you're kind." I told him honestly.

He turned around. My breath caught in my throat. The front looked better than the back. His chest muscles were defined. It made me want to run my hands over them and his flat stomach. I began to feel self-conscious because I wasn't exactly 100% skinny. I was a bit flabby, though fit. I had stressed eat a bit after I was raped a few weeks ago.

He smiled at me before he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up. His lips met mine and I held onto him while he kissed me hard. His lips were like him...very commanding, but not dominating. He carried me into the apartment and sat me on the bed. He deepened the kiss and his hands ran over my back. He pushed me down onto the bed, and stretched out his body beside mine.

"You're a good kisser." He remarked breathlessly. He traced my lips with his finger before he kissed me again. That gave me the happy tingles.

"Thank you" I blushed a little bit. "You are too."

He cupped the side of my neck. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah"

He leaned forward and put his lips on my ears. "I want you." He admitted. His admission cause me to get wet between the legs. "I've wanted you for a long time."

"I want you too." I whispered. He kissed me again. We were both breathless when he pulled away.

"Are you ready?" He asked me softly. His thumb was stroking my temple softly. "I don't want to rush you, especially given what you've been through."

"Yes, I am." I ran a hand down his chest.

His mouth clamped down on mine as he covered my body with his. He was already hard. I could feel it against my stomach. It caused me to gasp. He shifted himself where his hips were between mine. He ran a hand up the outside of my left leg. He tugged down my pants off my legs with both hands. He started leaving rain soft kisses on the inside my legs that started at my ankles. His lips traveled up the inside of my left leg. He didn't kiss me in my genital region. He went straight to the inside thigh on the other leg.

He wanted to tease. He wanted to tempt me. He wanted me to writhe with need beneath him. My fingers delved into his thick, soft hair. I ran my hands through his scalp, gently squeezing his hair when pleasure over rode me.

He mounted me. His tongue dancing with mine. His fingers stroking that good old sweet spot between my legs . My gasps of pleasure being caught by his hot mouth and cool lips. I grabbed his ass and I squeezed it. It was my turn to catch his breath in my mouth as I sucked on his kissable lip and gave it a slight nip. I reached in front of him and undid his pants. I slid them halfway off his legs. He finished the job.

The only things separating us from becoming one was my panties, his boxer briefs, and my black tank top. He was closer to being completely naked than I was. He pushed up on my tank top. I stilled his hands.

"What's wrong?" He whispered in my ear.

"I don't want you to see my body." I admitted with embarrassment. "I don't like the way I look right now."

He smiled at me. "It's okay, baby." He said to me, his lips mere inches from mine. He cupped my right breast. "What I'm more interested in seeing is your breasts."

I smiled back at him. "I'm fine with that."

He pulled my tank top down over my mid section so that he couldn't see it. Then, he pushed down the material of my tank top that covered my breasts.

His eyes lit up when he saw my breasts. They were big. They were both in the D range. His hands cupped each one. The weight was soft in his hands. He kneaded them. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't turned on much by breast play. However, I did this for him since he was apparently a breast man. He kissed me hard as he kneaded my right breast.

I reached for the front of his boxer briefs. I placed my palm over his self-made tent. I massaged it. He sucked in his breath while he had been sucking on the other nipple.

"I can't wait anymore" He protested softly. He got off of me and left the room.

I laid in bed wondering what the hell just happened. We were getting all hot and heavy. Then, poof! He didn't seem interested in having sex with me. I was about to get my clothes back on when he returned. He was holding a small cup and a vile with blue liquid.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

"I thought you didn't want to sleep with me, so I was about to leave."

He chuckled. "Does it look like I don't want to sleep with you?" He indicated the bulge in the front of his boxer briefs. "Lay back down"

I did what he said as he poured the liquid in a small cup. "What is that?"

"Something new that Erudite just invented." He replied. "It works two ways. It prevents pregnancy and the spread of STDs."

While a lot of people from Erudite are convinced that the majority of the STDs were wiped out during the war, there was still some that existed. Particularly HIV

"How would that work?" I asked curiously.

"There is a substance in there that mimics the genetic mutation Delta 32." He explained. "It prevents people from getting HIV. The other substance acts like an allergy to sperm. It triggers the woman's body to create antibodies in her cervix. This prevents sperm from impregnating the woman as her body would see sperm as a threat."

"Does it work?"

"Yep, although I never taken it." He looked at me with lust in his eyes. "First time for everything."

I nodded as I watch him swallow the contents. Then, he pour me a cup. I drank it. I made a face as it had a chalky texture to it. He took the cup from my hands and put it on the table next to the liquid.

He sat on the bed, and turned his upper body towards me. "Now" He purred. "Where were we?"

I pulled him on top of me and started kissing him. It didn't take long for me to be wetter than the water hole I used to love to swim in at Amity and for him to be hard as a rock. He entered me and we became one.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for references of Sexual Assault/Rape. Also, this is NSFW as it contains graphic sexual references**

I woke up the next morning with my head pillowed on Four's bare chest. My hand rested lightly on his flat stomach. His arms were around me. I smiled.

We made love last night. He was gentle and tender with me. His touch was soft as a rose peddle **.** His lips had been feather light. Yet, he thrust into me with the power of a stallion. Every thrust he made propelled me higher to the heavens in a wave of pure ecstasy. I was deliciously sore between my legs. My legs felt a bit cramped from all the times he cause me to orgasm beneath him. I tense up when I orgasm.

Thinking about how he was last night made me wet between the legs again. I wanted him again. I kissed his chest. Then, I went beneath the sheet that covered our naked bodies. I navigated my way between his legs to his manhood. I hate to admit that I still felt bashful looking at what his cock looked like. I felt with my hands about what state his cock was. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't completely soft.

I was going to try something that I never got the opportunity to try with Jonas and I was relieved I wasn't forced to do with Adam. I got the idea from hearing Amy and Randy talk about it as they had sex for the first time two weeks ago. Randy had knew a lot about sex from being in Erudite. He passed the information onto Amy. She passed the information onto me. I liked what I heard and I knew I had to try for myself when the opportunity presented itself...like now.

I felt nervous as I put the tip of his manhood into my mouth. It tasted salty. I like the way it felt in my mouth. I took it further into my mouth. He was halfway in now. When I sucked him, my tongue lightly brushed up against his cock.

He got hard. I heard an intake of breath. I took it that I had woken him up. He pushed the cover off of me to see what I was doing. I was lucky I was facing away from him because I would've felt silly if he saw me with my eyes close as a way of avoiding to see what his dick look like. I know...I'm silly.

"What a way to wake up" He remarked. I smiled, and turned to him.

"It's my first time."

"Wouldn't have known that" He said as he pulled me to him and kissed me hard on the mouth. "You're like a pro."

"I got the idea from Randy and Amy." I explained. Then, I quickly added "I didn't see them do it. They just told me. Well, Amy did. She got the idea from Randy, who read about it while at Erudite." I turned back around to continue going down on him.

He lightly grabbed my shoulders and gently pushed me back down on the bed. "Your turn" He purred. He kissed me again before his lips kissed me lightly down my neck, my cleavage, my stomach, and the area right above my groin. I gasped as I felt his lips on my clit.

I squeezed the pillow as his lips sucked and his tongue licked that magical button of mine. I writhed when tongue dipped into me while his finger swirled his finger around my clit. I became wetter. I became more horny. I wanted him. I didn't want him to go down on me until I came. I pushed at his shoulders and he looked up at me.

"Fuck me" I pleaded.

He smiled at the language I used. "Say please"

 _Oh, you bastard_

"Please fuck me" I begged.

I think he wanted the same thing I wanted because he mounted me really fast. He seem to move at an inhuman speed as he positioned himself to enter me. I cried out as he penetrated me and he went in all the way.

Later on, we were still in bed. Good thing there wasn't anything planned today as far as simulations go or training. Of course, I was with the instructor. He could've gotten me out of that. Only problem was dealing with Eric since he has more leeway than Four does as Eric is an actual leader while Four normally worked in Intelligence.

"You may look innocent, but you're a little vixen in bed." Four remarked. His arms were around me and my head was on his chest once more.

"Thank you" I said as I kissed his chest. "You're amazing yourself."

He nodded. "I aim to please."

"Ah, now I see the Stiff" I mused.

"Once a Stiff, always a Stiff."

He got out of bed, and started putting on his clothes. I watched him as he did it, admiring his body. Then, I got out and joined him. We headed down for the mess hall. I saw Amy, Randy, Mari, and Dan.

"Hey everyone" I said when Four and I joined them.

"Where have you been?" Amy asked me curiously. I blushed immediately.

"With me" Four replied without any hesitation. The four of them (heh) looked at me in surprise.

"Doing what?" Dan inquired. Wasn't he a bit nosy?

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Four retorted.

"Fair enough"

"I'm nervous about the simulations." Mari said before putting a bite of potato in her mouth.

"There is no need." Four said as he put food on his plate. "All five of you will do fine."

"I can barely get by on mine."

"You'll do fine Mari." Dan assured her.

The next two weeks went by quick. We worked out and did our fear simulations. I practiced my archery before meeting up with Four. I practice escaping holds that rapists used. When we were done with that, we either had sex or just curled up beside each other to sleep. I felt closer to Four each time we were together. I wondered how often I would see him once training was over. That is, if I actually made it into Dauntless.

Before we knew it, it was time for finals. I made love to Four on the previous night just in case I didn't make it. It had been like it was with Jonas when I was in Amity. The remaining initiates and I sat in a room waiting for our turn. It was painful to wait because we were either dreading it or wanted it over with as soon as possible. It was both for me.

"Raven" I heard Tori call my name. I took a deep breath and got up. "I will be injecting you with the serum."

"Okay" I said, sounding nervous.

We entered a big room that had numerous screens up that Dauntless leadership and members could watch. I squinted my eyes a bit. Was leadership and members from Erudite going to watch this too? I didn't get it, but okay. There was a reclining chair in the middle of the circle of screens.

Four joined us. "All your simulations will be shown on screen."

"Great" I said sarcastically. My nerves went ten fold on me. In fact, I suddenly felt ill. "I'm going to be sick."

Tori quickly handed me a bucket and I vomited. I heard some people mutter "Ew". I felt my cheeks turning red. I handed the bucket back to Tori. I felt completely mortified.

"Sorry" I said meekly. I put my face in my hands. Heh, the simulations weren't going to kill me. My embarrassment was.

"You got this." Four assured me as he pulled my hands away from my face. "Just remember, if you go slow, you will die."

"Or the truth will be revealed to all" I pointed out glumly.

"If it is, it is. They won't kill you for it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

I got on the chair. Four squeezed my hand. "I wish you luck." He said as he patted my shoulder.

Tori came up to me, and injected me with the serum. "Good luck, Raven. I hope you make it."

"Thank you" I mumbled. The effects of this serum worked quicker than what I was normally used to. I awaited whatever hell my mind was going to make up for me.


	36. Chapter 36

**Author's Note: Trigger Warning for references of Sexual Assault/Rape.**

I woke up being beneath the vast sky. I looked to the left and saw half of the building. Looked to the right and saw the other half of the building. These halves weren't on the ground level. I knew exactly what I was going to face first. I cautiously sat up. I was on those five pipes again WAY high off the ground. The drop was at least ten stories down.

I turned my head and the upper part of my body as much as I could. The door was to my back. I carefully got on all fours towards the direction of the door. I crawled towards the door while muttering "Big tree! Big tree! Big tree!". I had no problem climbing trees or climbing between the branches. Coming down was a different story. I eventually get to the ledge of the building. I rested my back against the cool wall of the building and looked up towards the sky.

When I looked back down, I was in a clearing at Amity near a gigantic wood pile. A massive Brown recluse spider came out. It stood at two stories tall. I ran for it with the bastard behind me. I got to the tree line and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my father's quiver resting against a tree. I grabbed it on the rub. I hid behind another tree as I strung the bow. I positioned an arrow on the string and kept the arrow pointing down. I cautiously peered around the tree and saw the spider coming. I got out from my hiding space with the arrow raised. I shot the first arrow in the spider's one of two middle legs on the right side. I repeated the action on the other side of the spider. Then, I fired two more arrows that landed in the two other middle legs. The spider's fangs oozed venom that could mess up the skin on some victims like me. To me, that shit will always be like acid.

I looked down on the ground and saw a variety of weapons. There was a gun, a sword, a machete, and a bazooka. I chose the sword. The spider was defenseless. It was looking at me with six eyes. For some odd reason, I got the sense that it was scared. It wasn't angry any more. It was afraid for it's life. If it was a human, it would be in the corner pleading for mercy.

I was going to originally slice the damn spider's head off. I realized then and there that my anger was directed at the spider for something that it was doing when it felt trapped. It defended itself...like any other being would. I suddenly felt sorry for it. I dropped my sword. I made sure not to get too close to the spider where it could easily bite me. I pulled out the two arrows on the right side. Then, I ran behind the spider to the other side to remove the last two arrows.

The spider turned around. I dropped to my knees and closed my eyes. I expected death to follow. I waited for a few minutes and nothing happen. I looked up. The big spider wasn't there any more. It had return to it's normal size. It looked at me, extremely puzzled.

"Go!" I shouted at it. "Go away! Leave!"

The spider didn't need to be told twice. It scattered so fast away from me that it was gone within thirty seconds. I got up from the ground. That was weird. It was the first time I ever reacted to the spider fear that way.

The landscape shifted once more. I found myself in the attic of the barn at Amity. Four approached me. Yet, he didn't seem like Four either.

"I need you to help me." He told me as he lead me to a bale of hay with a blanket on it.

I felt a cold chill go down my spine. I know fear simulations were to test us on how we reacted to fear. However, this was beginning to hit home for me. More so than usual

It was mirroring what had happened to me the first time Adam raped me. Same excuse to lure me to him. Same location where he raped me. Same bale of hay with a blanket on top where he forced himself on me. Only difference was Four was standing in front of me rather than Adam. However, his swagger was Adam's. It was like my mind was too afraid to reveal it was Adam since so many were watching this simulation.

"What do you need help with?" I asked, pretending to sound curious. I knew what was coming though.

"This!" Four said as he try to stab me with a sedation dart. Since this has already happened to me, I dodged to one side and kicked him beneath the arm pit. I elbowed him in the back. He fell to the floor. When he was about to get up, I kicked him in the nuts as hard as he could. He went down hard. He moaned as he lay on the floor in a fetal position, cupping himself.

I felt tears swim in my eyes. I had wished this is what really happened rather than what actually happened. However, I couldn't do nothing about it. There was no time machine to change the past.

I climbed down the ladder and ran out of the barn. I had come straight out onto an Amity farming field. I looked around. I saw someone standing on the opposite end of the field. I realized it was my dad.

"Daddy!" I cried in delight.

"Gemma!" My dad said with a smile on his face. He looked happy to see me!

I happily ran to him. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I had just run past a small pool when I was jerked back. I feel to the ground. I threw out my arm and twisted my body so I would land on my side. That way, I wouldn't hit my head. My arm and hips would take the impact of the fall. I felt something around my stomach. It was a thick rope. The knot was on my back. I tried to untie it. I felt another jerk. I realized I was being dragged towards the small pool of water.

"Daddy! Help me!"

"I can't." He said sadly.

I felt like I got struck in my face. "What do you mean you can't?"

"The only way you can free yourself is if you tell me what happened to you." He told me. "You can't let your past tie you down."

Ah, the pun! I realized with horror what he was talking about. The more I confess about what happened to me, the more the rope wouldn't pull me into the water. If I didn't, it would pull me into the water and probably drown me. I was fucked either way. One way I would die, but my secret would be safe with me. While I wouldn't die with the other option, the people watching the simulations would know what happened to me.

"Gemma, why did you leave Amity?" My dad asked curiously.

I didn't answer. I got jerked back. "Dad!" I cried as the rope pulled me back inch by inch. I dug into the mud and grass. However, it was futile.

"Why did you leave Amity?" My dad asked again.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe if I pinched myself hard I would wake up from the simulation. Nope, it didn't work. The rope had pulled me back till the point where I felt my toes in the water. Here it goes

"I was raped." I said meekly. I felt the rope loosening up. I pulled myself up and began to walk away from the pool.

"What?" My dad asked in disbelief. Horror crossed his face.

"I was raped." I said a little louder this time. I felt the rope loosening up more. I walked a little bit closer to my dad.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"My rapist threatened to kill you, mom, Daisy, Sol, and Jonas." I was able to walk closer to my dad.

"Is the rape one of the reasons why you joined Dauntless?"

"Yes" I replied. I was almost in arm's reach of my father. "At least, one of the reasons"

"What are the others?"

"I wanted to learn how to defend myself." I told him. "I wanted to learn how to kill a person, so I can kill him. I wanted to kill him to protect you all."

"That's not Amity behavior." My dad reprimanded me.

"I know." I said sadly. "That's why I had to leave Amity."

"Who raped you?"

Ah, damn! I was dreading that question. I had almost been able to hug my dad too. When I didn't answer, the rope pulled me back.

"No!" I protested as I dug back into the ground to prevent being pulled towards the pool.

"Who raped you?" My dad repeated.

I couldn't! I just couldn't say who raped me. The rope pulled me back far enough now where my boots were in the water.

"Who raped you?"

Now, my legs were in the water. I can't say who raped me. It may have been fine to say it to my father since he was already dead. However, not to the rest of my family and Jonas. I looked at him with tears in my eyes as the rope continue to drag me into the water.

"Who were you raped by?" My dad demanded. He was beginning to look angry. "Tell me now or you'll die."

I closed my eyes. My head was almost covered by water when I lifted my head and shouted "Adam" before going under.

I felt the rope loosen once more. I took a much needed breath as my head broke the surface of the water. I crawled out of the pool drenched.

"Who?" My dad asked again. He sounded like he was in disbelief.

"I was raped by Adam." I told him, my voice quivering a bit. I got up and walked towards my father. I heard a snap, and I felt the rope slip off my body. My father pulled me against him, and hugged me tightly. I sobbed against him.

"Shhhh, it's okay baby" My dad assured me.

"I'm so sorry, daddy" I cried. "I should've told you and mom about it. I should've reported it. I should've joined Amity and not Dauntless, but I was afraid. I was afraid of being raped again, and it still happened when I joined Dauntless. I'm sorry that I beat Adam. I know you were disappointed in me. I'm sorry that I didn't get to see you again before I got to apologize for what I did to Adam. I'm sorry that I didn't get to say good bye to you. I'm just sorry."

"It's okay, baby." My dad said soothingly. "There is no need to apologize. I'm proud of what you have done. I may have not been happy about you beating Adam up when you went to Amity a few weeks ago, but I am now that I know what he did to you. I'm sorry for what he did to you. The one thing I hope for is that you get peace from this eventually. I love you, my little Gem. I will always love you." He hugged me one more time before he floated upward towards the sky.


End file.
